Top 3 Men's Shoes for the Fall & Winter

I was shopping with Emmi Sorokin from It's A Man's World Image Consulting and we talked about what shoes guys should be wearing this season.

For an exclusive look at what Emmi helped me get from Johnston & Murphy, check out this video.
 

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Wingman Approved

Waitress at McGreevys

Let’s get right into it. When someone in the group is interested in a bartender or waitress that is working at a bar or restaurant, I truly believe that there needs to be discussion prior to making the move. What could possibly be talked about? Well, there’s a lot that can be at risk when attempting such a move.

There’s a risk in your friend not being comfortable going back to that place. If the attempt bombs or if you two actually go out and end up hating each other, it may not be in his best interest to go back to that place. Not only will she talk to her co-workers, her co-workers will talk to the regulars that frequent the place, pretty much blacklisting him from being able to have a good time or meet people there.

Also, you friend may jeopardize the ability of everyone around him as well – including you. It’s a guilty-by-association kind of thing.

But if you trust the guy, let him do this thing and act like you don’t know what’s going on, then there’s a chance things can work out. All you have to do is give your buddy a helping hand.

So one of my buddies thought that one of the waitresses that was serving us was cute. I told him to go for it. And so he did. There was lots of energy and fun and engaging conversation, as I would only expect of him. What was important was that his friends would have the same energy and can provide the same amount of fun, which would inherently up his value to her as a potential someone to hang out with. So all I did was crack jokes, ask fun questions, talked up my buddy and be almost as cool as he was, without taking his spotlight or getting her attracted to me. Very important in the Wingman Code of Ethics. You don’t want her attention veering from your friend. You want to highlight all of the reasons why your friend is the catch and she should take chance – even if it is at a place WHERE SHE’S WORKING – to go out with him.

Then there is a certain point where you take a step back and see if he can actually get her to hang out with him outside of the bar. At that point, he’s on his own. If you are wondering, my buddy was successful and she met up with us (to be read as “him”) later on that night.

The point is this: if you’re out with friends at a bar or restaurant and one of them really wants to try to get a date with the waitress or bartender, have “the talk” first then be fully supportive in helping him get there. It’s a rare feat but one that’s totally possible.

Keyword: SUPPORT

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“Be My Fitness Wingman” Facebook Contest

Here’s a fun contest that I’ve wanted to do for SO long. As you know, fitness is something that is very important to me. It’s also a great way to boost confidence. Having a healthy body means having a healthy mind. But, in a world filled with excuses, we always try to convince ourselves why we can’t workout or get a membership at a gym.

“The gym is too far from my house.”

“I can’t workout at home.”

“I’m too busy to workout or go to a gym.”

“A gym membership is too expensive.”

As someone who has been guilty of these excuses in the past, I understand where you’re coming from. What I have realized is that you make a choice. You either do it, or you don’t. Working out and exercising is either a priority or it isn’t. And it will show. You may not have as much energy throughout the day. As a guy, your testosterone level will decrease and so will libido. You may get a little plusher in places you don’t admire. You don’t feel as confident or sexy as you used to. These should be the excuses you make to GO to the gym or to exercise.

I’ll be brief with my motivational speech and just announce that every month, I’ll be giving away a one-month membership to Revolution Fitness. This contest will be for Boston locals only (sorry, but don’t worry, I’ll have another contest for everyone else later this week!).

So, what is it that you have to do? 

One thousand pushups. In one try.

No, actually all you have to do is be a Facebook Fan. That’s it. So if you’re not a Fan of the Wingman, go join now and you’ll automatically be entered to win. A winner will be chosen at random at the end of the month and if he or she is a local, he or she wins! It’s that simple. 

So go join the Fan Page and give me a shout out! 

If you don’t know about Revolution Fitness, here’s a brief description of why I love to workout there. 

Revolution Fitness is located in the South End of Boston. It IS your neighborhood gym. But not only is this gym filled with incredible trainers, instructors, and a friendly fitness staff, there's a ton training equipment that will make your workout unique every time. Programs vary such as CrossFit, RevFit’s unique Dynamic Fusion and their new Helix group class. Inventive training and one-of-a-kind classes are mixed with state-of-the-art workout machines. Members can find everything for a fun, effective workout in a friendly, energetic, and professional setting. This place is the real deal. 

And as a bonus, since I am all over Boston, I will hand out one FREE day pass to the gym every day. All you have to do is come up to and say, “Be my fitness wingman.” This day pass will give you full access to everything in the gym, including classes that they offer. 

Not bad, huh? Well, let’s get started!

Join the Wingman Fan Page!

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I’m in NYC!

No I haven’t moved…yet. But I am out here on some serious business and some pleasure – never bad to mix the two when you can, right? If you’re in NYC and want to meet up, let me know! In the meantime, expect a little bit of silence on the blog over the next few days.

If you need to feed your hunger though, watch this week’s WingmanTV.

But then, expect some amazing news when I return. 2009 is almost done but I still have a few tricks up my sleeve…

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Wingman Approved

Dating 101: The Simple Guide to Attraction

 

This winter, I will be teaching a class at the Boston Center for Adult Education. I am REALLY excited to be doing this, as it’ll give me a great opportunity to help more people at the same time in a more efficient manner. Each class is designed to never be overwhelming and give you information, tips, guideline and advice that you can use the moment you walk right out of the door.

Here is the course description:

“Delve into what keeps you back from having successful interactions with people you are attracted to and find the solutions to those issues, while understanding the process of meeting and attracting someone. Topics to be covered include, approach anxiety (why you have it, where it comes from and how to handle it), being a good conversationalist (how to avoid “the interview” and still get the answers you are looking for), body language, flirting, identifying signs that someone is interested, image presentation and timing risks (when to ask for the number, date, etc.). There will be in-class demonstrations so everyone can get a clearer idea of what to look for and an open Q&A to answer any questions. 

People who have been having a hard time getting dates, creating attraction or just flat out approaching attractive people will be able to use the material learned in this class the moment they walk out.”

There are five classes running every Saturday (11AM to 12:30PM) from November 14th through December 19 (No class the weekend of Thanksgiving). And no, there will not be a final exam, but this course is designed to push you through your comfort zone, make you feel good and have you enjoy yourself while learning a wealth of things about you that makes you attractive.

Tuition for non-members is $120 and $96 for members.

To register for the class, get more information and look for directions, check out all of the details at the Boston Center for Adult Education site.

Even if you’re not interested, put this in front of someone that may be. At $120 for a 5-class course, this is a REALLY amazing deal and I am NOT going to do this for too long.

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What is E & O?

E & O. It’s all about E & O. You have heard me say this a lot lately. It’s my mantra. You’ve even heard it from other people as well. For a glimpse of a perspective of E & O, check out Cort Johnson’s blog post. You can learn a lot about energy and having amazing conversation filled with passion. My interpretation of E & O is very similar and it creates what I’d like to call, the Maximum Bloom.

The E stands for energy. Energy is passion. Talking about what you care about, what’s important to you and what you value in life, whether that may be who you are, your family or your life. Your energy comes from your beliefs. Your energy comes from your friends or people that inspire you. Your energy comes from what you love. Your energy is what keeps you going, keeps you engaged and firing on all cylinders. It’s what brings people together. It’s what keeps people coming back for more. Energy is the new common cold. Anyone can catch it but the difference is, everyone wants it.

The O stands for optimism. Optimism is all about being positive about life. Whatever the circumstances are, no matter how tough things can be, being optimistic about the outcome will enhance many of your experiences in life. I break optimism into three different pieces.

Positive feelings. How do you actually have a positive feeling? Well, that is hard to explain but I can explain it from my perspective. When I think of anything, I think about the positive aspect of things. My positive feelings derive from my positive beliefs. When people ask me about whether or not I think something is going to happen, I usually say, “I don’t think. I know.” That knowing is the feeling that I have within me. When I think about my dating life, I KNOW that I am a quality person, I KNOW I have value to provide to someone and I KNOW that when the time is right, I deserve to and will be with someone amazingly special to share our worlds together. It’s as simple as that. No hesitation, no doubt. When it comes to my business, I KNOW my business will be beneficial to anyone that works with me, I KNOW things are going to work out for me in the long-term and I KNOW that I will make an impact not just in the dating world, but the world in general. These are VERY big statements to say but that’s what I wholeheartedly believe. I can feel it. That’s where positive feelings come from. Any positive belief that has an inkling of doubt turns into a limiting belief.

Positive determination. How bad do you want it? Are you willing to do whatever it takes? What are you willing to sacrifice? If there is any doubt, you don’t want it bad enough. Yup, it is as simple as that. Telling yourself that no matter how long it’s going to take, you won’t stop until you reach your goal is determination. Determination is what isn’t going to let you be outworked by anyone else. It’s what makes you die on the treadmill. It’s what makes you never give up or back down. I’ve referenced Will Smith before and I’ll reference him again. If you want to know what determination is all about, listen to what he has to say about how hard he had to work to his rise to the top and how much more he has to work to stay there.

 

Positive action. This is the part that most people in this world cannot do. They get themselves so fired up and raring to go and they do absolutely NOTHING. Action is the only thing that’s left in your weaponry. If you do nothing, you will get nothing. All of that energy, all of those feelings, all of those beliefs will just go to the wayside. Of course, the actions that you take should be productive and add to your ability to reach your goal. In others words, I want to see it. Stop talking about it and make it happen.

The Maximum Bloom. I can honestly say that if you bring the E & O, not only will your conversations change, but also your life will change for the better. Stay focused, commit, be persistent and don’t be afraid of failing. You will mostly likely have to fail first before you can succeed.

It’s all about the E & O.

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The “Myths and Rules” of Dating

I had an amazing vegetarian Sloppy Joe dinner with two lovely lady friends the other night and conversation came up about many things but one that stuck was about dating and the perceived “rules” that apply. At this point, if there are people who follow “rules” when it comes to dating, you might need to get something checked out. There are no rules and even if there are any, there will always be either an exception to one or a consistently broken one. But let’s get into a few topics.

 

When do you call? Guys, if you are waiting three days to call her back, you’re an idiot. I don’t care what kind of impression you gave her, she’s going to meet at least 20 other guys in those three days that have just as good of an opportunity to make an even better impression. She’ll forget about you in those three days. What’s going to be your excuse? What, you think you would just call her and pick up things where you left off…THREE DAYS LATER??!?!

Here’s some easy advice. Call her no later than the next day. Personally, if I’m really interested in someone, I’ll send her a text within a 12-hour period. Why wait on something in a world where there are plenty of people who won’t and not care? Just do it. There’s no longer the, “wow, he called me the next day. He must be desperate.” If anything, it’s, “why hasn’t he called me, yet?”

One-night stands. Apparently, it’s not just guys who are looking for the 12-hour relationship. I’m hearing that women are looking for it more and more. It doesn’t really surprise me. So many men have been going out, sleeping with many women, without remorse. Women have been played, manipulated and taken advantage of, only to be kicked out or left behind with only a fake promise of something more than just a night together. In return, women have now taken the role of the man, using their skills and assets to get what they want and return the favor the next morning.

Sounds terrible and I’m in no way playing women to be victims, here, or saying that this is the sole reason why women are now in the one-night stand business, but that’s the nature of the one-night stand. The problems that can get in the way of this being a “smooth” situation deal with emotions and expectations. The dating world is still one that has people afraid of asking for what they want. Instead, they say what they think the other person wants to hear. The bad part is what that person hears is great and therefore sets expectations, not knowing they’ll end up being false.

Then you have the other side where expectations are straightforward and both people are actually truthful about what they want. And then when the situation comes, one person allows emotions to get involved (to a certain degree) and then desires more. Meanwhile, the other person committed to what they want and are sticking to it. That doesn’t create a happy ending either.

This is probably why one-night stands are the easiest things to pull off…until you get to the morning and then they become one of the hardest. If you can’t commit to the deal, then don’t get yourself into it. You’re only going to end up feeling manipulated, used, angry and vengeful. No reason to take it out on the person who committed all the way through, either. He or she stayed the course. It can be a tough business.

The best advice here is if you are going to do it, stay the course. Emotions should not get too involved or else someone will lose. The moment your emotions change, you need to let the other person know and see what happens. Granted, you will be putting your “deal” in jeopardy but if you think it’s worth it, then you should absolutely take that risk.

Cell phone etiquette. I am not going to get too much into it, but if you’re out on a date and you answer a phone or text message, it’s no longer a date. If you can’t break from society for just a few hours, then you’re better off joining them. It’s my biggest pet peeve. Undivided attention seems to be a rarity these days and I happen to value it. If you can’t give that back to me, it’s a sign of disrespect. So for the hour or so that we’re together, keep it on silent and I don’t want to see it on the table. And certainly expect the same from me.

What are some of your “myths & rules” of dating?

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Moonlighting as a Professional Wingman

If any of you guys have watched HBO’s new series, Bored to Death, then you’ll know what I’m talking about. For those who don’t, Jason Schwartzman stars as Jonathan Ames, an uninspired writer who needs to write a second novel but has zero direction. His love of wine and his ability to fail at life caused his girlfriend, Suzanne, to leave him. Not knowing what else to do with himself, he went on Craigslist and offered his services as an unlicensed Private Detective. Much to his surprise, someone emailed him asking for helping finding her missing sister. The rest has been an entertaining history. You have to check it out.

But watching this show reminds me of a year ago, when I didn’t exactly know what I was doing. I recently came off a break up and I wanted to create a video game. I sought guidance from many people, looking for direction and still not truly knowing what I should be doing with my life. Then, one night, I decided to put up a blog saying I was a dating and lifestyle coach, making it clear I wasn’t an expert whatsoever. And everything started from one person emailing me. I remember running around excited about my first client but not knowing exactly what to do or what to expect. Every client has a story and proposes a new adventure. It’s always fun and you never know what you’re going to get yourself into. It’s a learning experience for everyone involved and I love every minute of it.

It also brings me back to the point where we all start as rookies at whatever we want to do. Some of our jobs require preparation and education. Others require only experience. Others can get along well with just passion (to a certain point.). But we all start with nothing. Putting yourself in the trenches will always be the only way to truly be great at what you want to accomplish or make of yourself. So, yes, I definitely moonlighted as a professional wingman for several months before The Professional Wingman was born. Now it’s crazy to think that people would call me Boston’s Dating Coach (or Hitch, for that matter). I personally will always feel like I am moonlighting. It just seems more fun and adventurous that way.

Watch the show to know what I mean.

(See this week's episode referencing a backup Russian wingman for more details)
 

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The Wingman Labs: The Wingman Code of Ethics

This should be handed out to all of your closest friends to ensure the night to be a successful one.

I won’t allow my wingman to go home with a less than attractive woman.

I will rotate buying rounds of drinks with my wingman for as long as he is fulfilling his duties.

I will never steal a woman from my wingman, no matter how amazingly hot she is.

I vow to never leave my wingman behind under any circumstances, period.

If my wingman meets a hot woman and she has a less than flattering friend, I will take one for the team.

If a woman rejects my wingman, I shall explicitly agree that she wasn’t a catch anyway, even if there was a slight chance of her seeming cool and interesting.

Should my wingman happen to talk with a woman whose legal age is of question, I will do whatever it takes to verify said age.

If there is even an inkling of a chance that the woman my wingman is talking to is in a relationship, I will make that intel available to him.

I will always honor and respect the dibs system.

*for entertainment purposes only

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Wingman Approved

Taking one for the team.


This is a story that I am proud of because I like when I can actually help friends out when I can. Now, I can honestly say that none of my friends expect me to do anything for them considering what I do. The only expectation they may have is to be a friend for them, especially in a time of need.

I just happen to be a great friend.

When I’m out with my buddies, if I notice that two people are expressing body language to each other that indicates interest and one of them happens to be my friend, I will do what it takes to get them together, no matter the circumstance. Who are you two fooling? Just get together already, right? Well, sometimes it’s not that easy. Sometimes, there are “obstacles.” These obstacles can be anything from distance and timing to other limiting situations that difficult to handle on your own. This particular one was in the form of other people – physically being in the way.

In order to get my friend talking to the girl, I had to create friends out of all of her friends that were around her and allow my buddy to get to know her. Honestly, it can just be a matter of placing two people in front of each other and the rest can take care of itself (if you have faith in your friend). But it can be tough because there is so much that goes on in a bar. People can split into groups, branch off, leave and try to interrupt my friend (especially those who are also interested in the girl…or him) or they could just not like me and want to get away from me, which would hurt the credibility of my friend and his chances with the girl as well. Fortunately, I was able to make friends with all of them. They actually ended up being really cool people and I spent the majority of my night with them. The only issue I had was that over the course of the night, there were a couple guys who were trying to hit on her.

I couldn’t let that happen.

Long story short, I befriended these guys and actually got them into a very long and engaging conversation about pairing wine with various foods that I loved, such as cheeseburgers, different pizzas and buffalo wings (my expertise). Although it took away over an hour of my night, my buddy and his lady friend were able to hit it off and connect.

Worth it every time in my eyes.

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