How to Maintain Conversations with Women?

For over two years, I’ve had clients and the general population of men ask me the same question when it comes to talking to a woman.

“What do I say next?”

For many men, it’s a serious problem because not knowing what to say will inevitably lead to a whole lot of silence, even more awkwardness and an end to what could have been an amazing conversation with a really attractive woman. Some guys are becoming more and more comfortable with approaching and starting conversations with women and then they hit this roadblock.

“Ok, so I approached her and I got her to smile. She gave me her name and now she knows mine. Now what?”

Well, to really understand the answer, we have to really look into a couple myths and squash them once and for all.

Awkward silence is NOT awkward. Men (and even women) have this belief that silence in a conversation is a bad thing and feel compelled to fill it in with SOMETHING. I am here to tell you that it is NOT true. When two people make a connection, talking about something passionate or get into a serious conversation, there needs to be a time to have a “conversational exhale.” That happens when you actually need to sit and take in what just happened and soak it in a little. Some people will sit there in silence and think to themselves. Others may just jump into another conversational topic right away. Either way, this is another way to finds out about someone’s method of thinking and it can help you better connect. In the end, if there is silence (for just a few seconds), it’s not always a bad thing.

Conversation is mostly up to the man. Yup, I said it. Yes, one of the goals is to have her talk about herself and find ways to relate to her (and she may talk more than you throughout the conversation) but in the end, as the man who approached her, you are in charge to directing the conversation and determining where it goes. It’s as simple as that. To help yourself, think about some talking points that you’d like to mention. Your initial conversation with someone who could be a potential mate can also serve as a way to find out if she holds the basic qualities of someone who you’d actually be interesting in getting to know. So if you are into travel, make sure you bring up something about traveling, whether that may be flat out asking her a direct question,

“Traveling is such a major part of my life. Do you ever get a chance to travel?”

or you can just tell a story,

“It’s funny you mention that. I went to Jamaica a couple of months ago and it was such an awesome time. I got to try out this amazing fruit fusion drink and it had all of these fruits that I’ve never had before. I love being able to go to different places, experience unique cultures and try interesting food.”

Both can serve as a “test,” to see whether she possess that same quality. Because, if you are a traveler and she doesn’t like to fly, you two may not be to fully get along.

But if you are afraid to just randomly make a statement, you can also try this. The only disclaimer is that you have to do something that most men find difficult.

Listening to what she is saying.

It’s really important for you to listen to what she is saying so that you can easily be able to relate to her with your own statement. For example, let’s say you hear a song by Eve6 playing in the bar and you say,

"I like this song. I love Eve6.”

And she says,

“Yeah, I like this song too."

You can follow up by saying,

“You know, I saw them live once at the Hatshell in Boston. You would think that a band like that wouldn’t be a good performing group but they were awesome. Have you ever been to Boston?”

She may say yes, then you two can talk about places that the both of you have seen and what you thought about it. Or she can say no and then you inquire about two things.

A. If she likes to travel


B. If she’s seen a live performance.

Either way, by following up with what she is saying (even if it may not seem as much), you can create paths of conversation and directing it where you’d like it to go.

I’m not saying that it’s easy. Takes some time, listening and practice, but after a while, conversation will definitely get easier.

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What is E & O?

E & O. It’s all about E & O. You have heard me say this a lot lately. It’s my mantra. You’ve even heard it from other people as well. For a glimpse of a perspective of E & O, check out Cort Johnson’s blog post. You can learn a lot about energy and having amazing conversation filled with passion. My interpretation of E & O is very similar and it creates what I’d like to call, the Maximum Bloom.

The E stands for energy. Energy is passion. Talking about what you care about, what’s important to you and what you value in life, whether that may be who you are, your family or your life. Your energy comes from your beliefs. Your energy comes from your friends or people that inspire you. Your energy comes from what you love. Your energy is what keeps you going, keeps you engaged and firing on all cylinders. It’s what brings people together. It’s what keeps people coming back for more. Energy is the new common cold. Anyone can catch it but the difference is, everyone wants it.

The O stands for optimism. Optimism is all about being positive about life. Whatever the circumstances are, no matter how tough things can be, being optimistic about the outcome will enhance many of your experiences in life. I break optimism into three different pieces.

Positive feelings. How do you actually have a positive feeling? Well, that is hard to explain but I can explain it from my perspective. When I think of anything, I think about the positive aspect of things. My positive feelings derive from my positive beliefs. When people ask me about whether or not I think something is going to happen, I usually say, “I don’t think. I know.” That knowing is the feeling that I have within me. When I think about my dating life, I KNOW that I am a quality person, I KNOW I have value to provide to someone and I KNOW that when the time is right, I deserve to and will be with someone amazingly special to share our worlds together. It’s as simple as that. No hesitation, no doubt. When it comes to my business, I KNOW my business will be beneficial to anyone that works with me, I KNOW things are going to work out for me in the long-term and I KNOW that I will make an impact not just in the dating world, but the world in general. These are VERY big statements to say but that’s what I wholeheartedly believe. I can feel it. That’s where positive feelings come from. Any positive belief that has an inkling of doubt turns into a limiting belief.

Positive determination. How bad do you want it? Are you willing to do whatever it takes? What are you willing to sacrifice? If there is any doubt, you don’t want it bad enough. Yup, it is as simple as that. Telling yourself that no matter how long it’s going to take, you won’t stop until you reach your goal is determination. Determination is what isn’t going to let you be outworked by anyone else. It’s what makes you die on the treadmill. It’s what makes you never give up or back down. I’ve referenced Will Smith before and I’ll reference him again. If you want to know what determination is all about, listen to what he has to say about how hard he had to work to his rise to the top and how much more he has to work to stay there.


Positive action. This is the part that most people in this world cannot do. They get themselves so fired up and raring to go and they do absolutely NOTHING. Action is the only thing that’s left in your weaponry. If you do nothing, you will get nothing. All of that energy, all of those feelings, all of those beliefs will just go to the wayside. Of course, the actions that you take should be productive and add to your ability to reach your goal. In others words, I want to see it. Stop talking about it and make it happen.

The Maximum Bloom. I can honestly say that if you bring the E & O, not only will your conversations change, but also your life will change for the better. Stay focused, commit, be persistent and don’t be afraid of failing. You will mostly likely have to fail first before you can succeed.

It’s all about the E & O.

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E & O and a Little Bit of PR

How do you build loyalty in a world of infidelity and infinite choice? Well when it comes to dating, I talk a little bit of PR.

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