Sex, Dreams, and Dating

Our dreams say a lot about who we are. What they also tell is how our perceptions deceive us when we're awake -- especially when it comes to dating.

It’s no surprise America is the most sexually repressed country in the world. We were constantly told growing up that thinking dirty thoughts are wrong.

That couldn’t be further from the truth.

Our brains are naturally wired to think about reproduction. It’s completely natural to think about wanting to have sex with someone.

In the Matrix (you knew a Matrix reference was coming), Mouse told Neo, 

“To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human.”

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But first, let’s talk about the myth that women don’t think, or in this case, dream about sex.

Nearly 9 out of 10 men dream about sex

We all know that men do -- and it’s true. To this day, many men still believe having sexual thoughts are bad. So instead, they dream about it. And men dream about sex a ton.

Well, researchers at the University of Montreal have been collecting data over the last 11 years, and found over 73 percent of women confessed to dream about sex. 

Nearly 3 out of every 4 women dream about sex

This stat isn’t just to prove thinking about sex is a completely normal thing. It’s for guys to understand that it’s necessary to be open and authentic about your intentions with women.

When you don’t let her know you’re sexually attracted to her, you’re basically telling yourself what you are feeling is wrong. The reality is it’s very likely the woman you’re talking to is thinking very similar thoughts.

And as much as she’s thinking about it, it’s even MORE taboo for her to be the one acting on those feelings, so it’s imperative you open the door, make your intentions known, and get her in a state where she feels comfortable opening up to you sexually.

Both men and women are insecure -- in different ways

Other interesting facts from this same study conclude men and women are sub-consciously insecure in different ways.

While guys are dreaming of flying through the air and saving the world from its constant impending doom, women on the other hand dream about things such as being paralyzed by fear, failing exams, and dying.

The total irony is when they’re awake, men and women project completely different attitudes, especially when it comes to dating. Men lack "superhero" courage and are fearful of approaching or trying to attract woman; and women put their guards up, projecting confidence and making men feel out of their league, when in reality, they fear making a bad choice in choosing a man.

With this new information, you can see a balance exists between how both men and women outwardly behave and what they sub-consciously think. So, it comes down to this:

In the dating world, we are all equal

So guys, the next time you see an attractive woman, understand if you try to approach and make a connection with her, not only may she be physically attracted to you, but there's also a chance she’s just as nervous as you.

Don’t let her external beauty prevent you from finding out how much beauty exists internally -- the more important of the two.

The Afterglow

Hey, now.Partnering with Durex last week was a lot of fun.

Although Twitter decided to have it’s biggest outage in its history, the “Sexfluencers” (Health, Love, and Sex editor at BlogHer, A.V. Flox; dating blogger Miss Taylor Cast and my fiancée, Laurie) and I had an awesome Twitter party answering your questions about all things sex and over-sharing in the social web.

In true Wingman style, I helped set the mood during the outages with some “sexytime” music. I kicked off with Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together,” which was chosen using Durex’s song generator as me and Laurie’s love-making tune.

Later that night, we partied it up in NYC -- see the Kiss Cam, filled with condoms, ladies and the celebs that rocked the house (Ice T!). 

And, I also got to try out their latest products that were designed to keep you in sync with your partner, in my case, my fiancée.

Apparently for some people, climaxing at the same time is the holy grail of sex -- and it’s rarer than getting struck by lightning. Personally, although it’s awesome, it’s not the end all.

Let's Talk About Sex

It’s rare we talk about sex here, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t important to any physical connection. All the flirting has to lead somewhere, right?

When clients and I discuss the “taboo” topic, I do give quality advice for getting down under the sheets...or on the couch...or wherever you choose to “get down.”

But what about the how to? Some clients who talk with me about it have issues with timing, the best practices for initiating sex, and other things such as best time of the day, how often, and how long.

Sleep More. Get Laid.

That was the original concept for this infographic. It still makes me laugh.

I had the awesome opportunity to team up with Zeo, a wellness company, on a research project that found whether or not sleep can effect your game.

You'll be surprised to see how much it does affect your ability to date. I typically sleep roughly 7-8 hours a day no matter when I go to sleep the night before (just ask my fiancée what happens if I don't get enough sleep).

Enjoy the infographic below and be sure to pass it around.

Every Secret to Dating & Sex Answered By Women

Men will do or say anything to give them an excuse why something isn’t possible. Part of my job is to prove them wrong. Thank goodness there is data our there from surveys and online interactions to help my cause. This one comes from Maxim Magazine as they surveyed almost 8,000 women from across the country. Still skeptical? Think of it in numbers: