I had an amazing vegetarian Sloppy Joe dinner with two lovely lady friends the other night and conversation came up about many things but one that stuck was about dating and the perceived “rules” that apply. At this point, if there are people who follow “rules” when it comes to dating, you might need to get something checked out. There are no rules and even if there are any, there will always be either an exception to one or a consistently broken one. But let’s get into a few topics.
When do you call? Guys, if you are waiting three days to call her back, you’re an idiot. I don’t care what kind of impression you gave her, she’s going to meet at least 20 other guys in those three days that have just as good of an opportunity to make an even better impression. She’ll forget about you in those three days. What’s going to be your excuse? What, you think you would just call her and pick up things where you left off…THREE DAYS LATER??!?!
Here’s some easy advice. Call her no later than the next day. Personally, if I’m really interested in someone, I’ll send her a text within a 12-hour period. Why wait on something in a world where there are plenty of people who won’t and not care? Just do it. There’s no longer the, “wow, he called me the next day. He must be desperate.” If anything, it’s, “why hasn’t he called me, yet?”
One-night stands. Apparently, it’s not just guys who are looking for the 12-hour relationship. I’m hearing that women are looking for it more and more. It doesn’t really surprise me. So many men have been going out, sleeping with many women, without remorse. Women have been played, manipulated and taken advantage of, only to be kicked out or left behind with only a fake promise of something more than just a night together. In return, women have now taken the role of the man, using their skills and assets to get what they want and return the favor the next morning.
Sounds terrible and I’m in no way playing women to be victims, here, or saying that this is the sole reason why women are now in the one-night stand business, but that’s the nature of the one-night stand. The problems that can get in the way of this being a “smooth” situation deal with emotions and expectations. The dating world is still one that has people afraid of asking for what they want. Instead, they say what they think the other person wants to hear. The bad part is what that person hears is great and therefore sets expectations, not knowing they’ll end up being false.
Then you have the other side where expectations are straightforward and both people are actually truthful about what they want. And then when the situation comes, one person allows emotions to get involved (to a certain degree) and then desires more. Meanwhile, the other person committed to what they want and are sticking to it. That doesn’t create a happy ending either.
This is probably why one-night stands are the easiest things to pull off…until you get to the morning and then they become one of the hardest. If you can’t commit to the deal, then don’t get yourself into it. You’re only going to end up feeling manipulated, used, angry and vengeful. No reason to take it out on the person who committed all the way through, either. He or she stayed the course. It can be a tough business.
The best advice here is if you are going to do it, stay the course. Emotions should not get too involved or else someone will lose. The moment your emotions change, you need to let the other person know and see what happens. Granted, you will be putting your “deal” in jeopardy but if you think it’s worth it, then you should absolutely take that risk.
Cell phone etiquette. I am not going to get too much into it, but if you’re out on a date and you answer a phone or text message, it’s no longer a date. If you can’t break from society for just a few hours, then you’re better off joining them. It’s my biggest pet peeve. Undivided attention seems to be a rarity these days and I happen to value it. If you can’t give that back to me, it’s a sign of disrespect. So for the hour or so that we’re together, keep it on silent and I don’t want to see it on the table. And certainly expect the same from me.
What are some of your “myths & rules” of dating?
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