What is E & O?

E & O. It’s all about E & O. You have heard me say this a lot lately. It’s my mantra. You’ve even heard it from other people as well. For a glimpse of a perspective of E & O, check out Cort Johnson’s blog post. You can learn a lot about energy and having amazing conversation filled with passion. My interpretation of E & O is very similar and it creates what I’d like to call, the Maximum Bloom.

The E stands for energy. Energy is passion. Talking about what you care about, what’s important to you and what you value in life, whether that may be who you are, your family or your life. Your energy comes from your beliefs. Your energy comes from your friends or people that inspire you. Your energy comes from what you love. Your energy is what keeps you going, keeps you engaged and firing on all cylinders. It’s what brings people together. It’s what keeps people coming back for more. Energy is the new common cold. Anyone can catch it but the difference is, everyone wants it.

The O stands for optimism. Optimism is all about being positive about life. Whatever the circumstances are, no matter how tough things can be, being optimistic about the outcome will enhance many of your experiences in life. I break optimism into three different pieces.

Positive feelings. How do you actually have a positive feeling? Well, that is hard to explain but I can explain it from my perspective. When I think of anything, I think about the positive aspect of things. My positive feelings derive from my positive beliefs. When people ask me about whether or not I think something is going to happen, I usually say, “I don’t think. I know.” That knowing is the feeling that I have within me. When I think about my dating life, I KNOW that I am a quality person, I KNOW I have value to provide to someone and I KNOW that when the time is right, I deserve to and will be with someone amazingly special to share our worlds together. It’s as simple as that. No hesitation, no doubt. When it comes to my business, I KNOW my business will be beneficial to anyone that works with me, I KNOW things are going to work out for me in the long-term and I KNOW that I will make an impact not just in the dating world, but the world in general. These are VERY big statements to say but that’s what I wholeheartedly believe. I can feel it. That’s where positive feelings come from. Any positive belief that has an inkling of doubt turns into a limiting belief.

Positive determination. How bad do you want it? Are you willing to do whatever it takes? What are you willing to sacrifice? If there is any doubt, you don’t want it bad enough. Yup, it is as simple as that. Telling yourself that no matter how long it’s going to take, you won’t stop until you reach your goal is determination. Determination is what isn’t going to let you be outworked by anyone else. It’s what makes you die on the treadmill. It’s what makes you never give up or back down. I’ve referenced Will Smith before and I’ll reference him again. If you want to know what determination is all about, listen to what he has to say about how hard he had to work to his rise to the top and how much more he has to work to stay there.

 

Positive action. This is the part that most people in this world cannot do. They get themselves so fired up and raring to go and they do absolutely NOTHING. Action is the only thing that’s left in your weaponry. If you do nothing, you will get nothing. All of that energy, all of those feelings, all of those beliefs will just go to the wayside. Of course, the actions that you take should be productive and add to your ability to reach your goal. In others words, I want to see it. Stop talking about it and make it happen.

The Maximum Bloom. I can honestly say that if you bring the E & O, not only will your conversations change, but also your life will change for the better. Stay focused, commit, be persistent and don’t be afraid of failing. You will mostly likely have to fail first before you can succeed.

It’s all about the E & O.

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The “Myths and Rules” of Dating

I had an amazing vegetarian Sloppy Joe dinner with two lovely lady friends the other night and conversation came up about many things but one that stuck was about dating and the perceived “rules” that apply. At this point, if there are people who follow “rules” when it comes to dating, you might need to get something checked out. There are no rules and even if there are any, there will always be either an exception to one or a consistently broken one. But let’s get into a few topics.

 

When do you call? Guys, if you are waiting three days to call her back, you’re an idiot. I don’t care what kind of impression you gave her, she’s going to meet at least 20 other guys in those three days that have just as good of an opportunity to make an even better impression. She’ll forget about you in those three days. What’s going to be your excuse? What, you think you would just call her and pick up things where you left off…THREE DAYS LATER??!?!

Here’s some easy advice. Call her no later than the next day. Personally, if I’m really interested in someone, I’ll send her a text within a 12-hour period. Why wait on something in a world where there are plenty of people who won’t and not care? Just do it. There’s no longer the, “wow, he called me the next day. He must be desperate.” If anything, it’s, “why hasn’t he called me, yet?”

One-night stands. Apparently, it’s not just guys who are looking for the 12-hour relationship. I’m hearing that women are looking for it more and more. It doesn’t really surprise me. So many men have been going out, sleeping with many women, without remorse. Women have been played, manipulated and taken advantage of, only to be kicked out or left behind with only a fake promise of something more than just a night together. In return, women have now taken the role of the man, using their skills and assets to get what they want and return the favor the next morning.

Sounds terrible and I’m in no way playing women to be victims, here, or saying that this is the sole reason why women are now in the one-night stand business, but that’s the nature of the one-night stand. The problems that can get in the way of this being a “smooth” situation deal with emotions and expectations. The dating world is still one that has people afraid of asking for what they want. Instead, they say what they think the other person wants to hear. The bad part is what that person hears is great and therefore sets expectations, not knowing they’ll end up being false.

Then you have the other side where expectations are straightforward and both people are actually truthful about what they want. And then when the situation comes, one person allows emotions to get involved (to a certain degree) and then desires more. Meanwhile, the other person committed to what they want and are sticking to it. That doesn’t create a happy ending either.

This is probably why one-night stands are the easiest things to pull off…until you get to the morning and then they become one of the hardest. If you can’t commit to the deal, then don’t get yourself into it. You’re only going to end up feeling manipulated, used, angry and vengeful. No reason to take it out on the person who committed all the way through, either. He or she stayed the course. It can be a tough business.

The best advice here is if you are going to do it, stay the course. Emotions should not get too involved or else someone will lose. The moment your emotions change, you need to let the other person know and see what happens. Granted, you will be putting your “deal” in jeopardy but if you think it’s worth it, then you should absolutely take that risk.

Cell phone etiquette. I am not going to get too much into it, but if you’re out on a date and you answer a phone or text message, it’s no longer a date. If you can’t break from society for just a few hours, then you’re better off joining them. It’s my biggest pet peeve. Undivided attention seems to be a rarity these days and I happen to value it. If you can’t give that back to me, it’s a sign of disrespect. So for the hour or so that we’re together, keep it on silent and I don’t want to see it on the table. And certainly expect the same from me.

What are some of your “myths & rules” of dating?

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Moonlighting as a Professional Wingman

If any of you guys have watched HBO’s new series, Bored to Death, then you’ll know what I’m talking about. For those who don’t, Jason Schwartzman stars as Jonathan Ames, an uninspired writer who needs to write a second novel but has zero direction. His love of wine and his ability to fail at life caused his girlfriend, Suzanne, to leave him. Not knowing what else to do with himself, he went on Craigslist and offered his services as an unlicensed Private Detective. Much to his surprise, someone emailed him asking for helping finding her missing sister. The rest has been an entertaining history. You have to check it out.

But watching this show reminds me of a year ago, when I didn’t exactly know what I was doing. I recently came off a break up and I wanted to create a video game. I sought guidance from many people, looking for direction and still not truly knowing what I should be doing with my life. Then, one night, I decided to put up a blog saying I was a dating and lifestyle coach, making it clear I wasn’t an expert whatsoever. And everything started from one person emailing me. I remember running around excited about my first client but not knowing exactly what to do or what to expect. Every client has a story and proposes a new adventure. It’s always fun and you never know what you’re going to get yourself into. It’s a learning experience for everyone involved and I love every minute of it.

It also brings me back to the point where we all start as rookies at whatever we want to do. Some of our jobs require preparation and education. Others require only experience. Others can get along well with just passion (to a certain point.). But we all start with nothing. Putting yourself in the trenches will always be the only way to truly be great at what you want to accomplish or make of yourself. So, yes, I definitely moonlighted as a professional wingman for several months before The Professional Wingman was born. Now it’s crazy to think that people would call me Boston’s Dating Coach (or Hitch, for that matter). I personally will always feel like I am moonlighting. It just seems more fun and adventurous that way.

Watch the show to know what I mean.

(See this week's episode referencing a backup Russian wingman for more details)
 

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The Wingman Labs: The Wingman Code of Ethics

This should be handed out to all of your closest friends to ensure the night to be a successful one.

I won’t allow my wingman to go home with a less than attractive woman.

I will rotate buying rounds of drinks with my wingman for as long as he is fulfilling his duties.

I will never steal a woman from my wingman, no matter how amazingly hot she is.

I vow to never leave my wingman behind under any circumstances, period.

If my wingman meets a hot woman and she has a less than flattering friend, I will take one for the team.

If a woman rejects my wingman, I shall explicitly agree that she wasn’t a catch anyway, even if there was a slight chance of her seeming cool and interesting.

Should my wingman happen to talk with a woman whose legal age is of question, I will do whatever it takes to verify said age.

If there is even an inkling of a chance that the woman my wingman is talking to is in a relationship, I will make that intel available to him.

I will always honor and respect the dibs system.

*for entertainment purposes only

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Wingman Approved

Taking one for the team.


This is a story that I am proud of because I like when I can actually help friends out when I can. Now, I can honestly say that none of my friends expect me to do anything for them considering what I do. The only expectation they may have is to be a friend for them, especially in a time of need.

I just happen to be a great friend.

When I’m out with my buddies, if I notice that two people are expressing body language to each other that indicates interest and one of them happens to be my friend, I will do what it takes to get them together, no matter the circumstance. Who are you two fooling? Just get together already, right? Well, sometimes it’s not that easy. Sometimes, there are “obstacles.” These obstacles can be anything from distance and timing to other limiting situations that difficult to handle on your own. This particular one was in the form of other people – physically being in the way.

In order to get my friend talking to the girl, I had to create friends out of all of her friends that were around her and allow my buddy to get to know her. Honestly, it can just be a matter of placing two people in front of each other and the rest can take care of itself (if you have faith in your friend). But it can be tough because there is so much that goes on in a bar. People can split into groups, branch off, leave and try to interrupt my friend (especially those who are also interested in the girl…or him) or they could just not like me and want to get away from me, which would hurt the credibility of my friend and his chances with the girl as well. Fortunately, I was able to make friends with all of them. They actually ended up being really cool people and I spent the majority of my night with them. The only issue I had was that over the course of the night, there were a couple guys who were trying to hit on her.

I couldn’t let that happen.

Long story short, I befriended these guys and actually got them into a very long and engaging conversation about pairing wine with various foods that I loved, such as cheeseburgers, different pizzas and buffalo wings (my expertise). Although it took away over an hour of my night, my buddy and his lady friend were able to hit it off and connect.

Worth it every time in my eyes.

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E & O and a Little Bit of PR

How do you build loyalty in a world of infidelity and infinite choice? Well when it comes to dating, I talk a little bit of PR.

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Review of McGreevy’s

Address: 911 Boylston St. Boston, MA 02115

Website: http://www.mcgreevysboston.com

Best Nights: Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, Red Sox home games

Who Goes There: Mostly young people. Good ratio of men and women Ages 23-28.

Cost: $$

Special: Mondays – 10-cent wings (only football season?), Tuesdays - $3 PBR tall-boys and 10-cent wings

BYFAD Bar: TBD

There are some nights when I just end up at McGreevy’s and I don’t know how it happened. I don’t think I’ve ever planned a night involving McGreevy’s but somehow, I end up there. I mean, clearly there’s something about this place that gets me to walk in more often than walk by.

When you go in, it’s just your typical bar (at this point, I’ve been to so many bars that I just see the same thing), but with the younger bar and wait staff, fun music and proximity to Berklee College and the Fenway area, it draws a good young crowd. This is a great place for college and post-grads looking to have a good time with friends and even make new ones. People seem to be pretty receptive to talking to you just as long as you fulfill the minimum requirement of not being creepy. Like I said before, expect a younger crowd to be here, so if you’re pushing 40, this wouldn’t really be the place for you.

The upstairs goes back pretty far and it was a bar at both ends. However, the space is narrow and with booths and table bordering the space, so it can get pretty cramped in there on the weekends. Be prepared to have people bump into or move you throughout the night if you’re in a high-traffic area. There is also a downstairs that is usually used for private events or bands but people can socialize as well downstairs if you want to get away from the mass temporarily.

It’s a good spot for Red Sox games, whether on TV or for home games. Typically, you’ll see some people pre-game there before heading to the game and then potentially coming back after the game (more likely on a win…on a weekend). With a few of their specials revolving around sports, it can be a decent sports bar.

Overall, McGreevy’s serves as a decent choice among the bars in that area. Although there are about 7 bars in two block radius, McGreevy’s does end up being one of the better choices out of the group. I give it an 83 (B-) overall.

Pros
Fun sports bar
Great place for meeting people
Awesome staff
10-cent wings

Cons
Can get too crowded on the weekends
Bar space is minimal

If you have any questions about the place, feel free to check out their site:

http://www.mcgreevysboston.com

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So Where Can You Go to Meet People?

Here's the basic breakdown of where people can go to meet people.

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Women Aren’t Going to Bars to Meet Guys Anymore

Guys, they’ve caught on. Either that or we’ve blown it too many times and have now ruined our chances of possibly finding a potential mate at a bar. Yes, the current statistics do state that less than 5% of relationships today originate from an encounter at a bar or nightclub. But that hasn’t always been the case. There are plenty of friends’ parents I know that met at a bar. They never said that it was the only way to meet people but it was a lot easier to then. You could definitely just approach “strange” people with much less pressure. I feel like the 50s, 60s and 70s were such a more social time than now, even though we have more social outlets at our fingertips today. So what’s the problem? Why are women averse to meeting guys in bars now? Well there are plenty of reasons but I’ll talk about a one particular aspect.

The dating world has changed dramatically. My dad had my sister at 28. My mum was 25. There are so many more factors today say why that will most likely not happen to me. I can mention the evolution of gender and racial equality, education and the economy to name a few. Nowadays, the concept of hooking up is widely accepted. On the other side, it can be stated that the progression of maturity is slower these days. In other words, the idea of “growing up” no longer includes having a spouse, kids and a home. Other people can say people are more selfish now because of our access to more information and opportunities. I could just keep going but I’ll just put out what I think the dating world looks like right now, by perspective of age.

Ages 13-21: Craziness. I hate to drop the starting age so low because I wasn’t even thinking about sex at that age but with stories in the news of teachers catching younger kids performing sexual acts on one another and quicker sexual development of kids these days, it’s just no longer surprising that kids would be thinking about sex that soon. The media has a lot to do with it as well.

At this age, boys and girls are just figuring out “what this does” and “how do I use this” and “I can do that?” kind of stuff. At a certain point, sex is all they want and they can’t get enough because it’s a novelty. Having sex is seen as a trend then anything else. “Everyone’s doing it.”

Ages 21-25: Casual relationships. At this point, you’re done with undergrad and now starting a new chapter in your life. You have no idea what’s going to happen and nowadays, that’s a great thing because you’re not committed to anything or anyone. At the same time, you still have NO clue who you are (or at least who you will be). In this stage, hooking up becomes the more acceptable thing. Commitment just isn’t realistic for most, maybe because of work or a lifestyle choice. People don’t want to be tied down at this time and they figure they can still party like they used to in college…but in the real world. They can worry about the committed stuff later.

Ages 25-30: More exclusive dating and relationships. Reality sets in and you realize that you can’t be partying and hooking up like this for the rest of your life and wouldn’t mind getting into something a little more “routine.” So you start to be more conscious of whom you’re going out with and if the right person comes along and you two have a good few dates, you may put yourself in a relationship. Those relationships can last for years or months, depending on where you are in your life. You’ll go through phases of loving your relationship or missing being on the market but you avert your thoughts because you think you’re on the right track. In between relationships, you’re back to your hooking up phase, catch yourself doing it, stop and get back into your relationship-seeking mode. It’s a sucky cycle and these are the years where you REALLY figure out what you want, as frustrating as it may be.

Ages 30 and up. Commitment. This is where you realize that you’re 30 and would like to start a family soon. Women would consider their “clock” starting to tick a little louder around this time. Pursuit is a little more aggressive as more effort is put into finding the potential spouse and provider/protector of your children because you feel pretty convinced that you know what you want.

Obviously these are general statements and don’t apply to everyone because of special circumstances but this is how I see the dating world now. This is the only dating world I know. I’ve had plenty of conversations with my parents and my friends’ parents about this. There are so many choices today and people are quick to put aside things for more selfish reasons because of this accessibility. Would you agree? Disagree? Let’s talk about this.

So if you’re asking me, “if I can’t meet women in bars anymore, where can I meet them?” I’ll have the answer for you tomorrow.

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If Women Are Complaining About Pepsi, Should Men Complain About This?

I was talking to my sister over the weekend and I was explaining to her the Before You Score App and what about it caused such uproar. She then asked me if I heard about the application called Date Check. I didn’t so she sent me the link to check it out.

Yeah, I know. Women can run background checks on men. It’s literally like having a private investigator in her pocket. If the video wasn’t enough, let me reiterate what this application does. Just by putting in a guy’s email, name or phone number, women can find out a bevy of things.

Criminal record. It’ll have a record of anything naughty that he’s been cited for.

Net worth. She can find out if he’s a homeowner (even how many rooms it has, who else could own the place and its property value) and what kind of job he has (probably with an indication of income)

Other things include, marital status, date of birth, educational background and much more.

For each screening, it’ll cost her about $40.

So you’re telling me that this is a REAL application? This is as close to invading privacy without it being illegal. But is it, with the access of information that we put out there with Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, Google and other sites?

My point is how do guys feel about this? How do women feel about this? Should this offend guys? Sure, it looks a lot different than “Before You Score,” but what REALLY makes this application any different? The criminal record search is called the “Sleaze Detector.” Wouldn’t this be a mockery of the lengths women will go to find dirt on men?

 

But of course, I doubt anyone knows about this application because it’s coming from a no-name company and there is little exposure.

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