Women Aren’t Going to Bars to Meet Guys Anymore

Guys, they’ve caught on. Either that or we’ve blown it too many times and have now ruined our chances of possibly finding a potential mate at a bar. Yes, the current statistics do state that less than 5% of relationships today originate from an encounter at a bar or nightclub. But that hasn’t always been the case. There are plenty of friends’ parents I know that met at a bar. They never said that it was the only way to meet people but it was a lot easier to then. You could definitely just approach “strange” people with much less pressure. I feel like the 50s, 60s and 70s were such a more social time than now, even though we have more social outlets at our fingertips today. So what’s the problem? Why are women averse to meeting guys in bars now? Well there are plenty of reasons but I’ll talk about a one particular aspect.

The dating world has changed dramatically. My dad had my sister at 28. My mum was 25. There are so many more factors today say why that will most likely not happen to me. I can mention the evolution of gender and racial equality, education and the economy to name a few. Nowadays, the concept of hooking up is widely accepted. On the other side, it can be stated that the progression of maturity is slower these days. In other words, the idea of “growing up” no longer includes having a spouse, kids and a home. Other people can say people are more selfish now because of our access to more information and opportunities. I could just keep going but I’ll just put out what I think the dating world looks like right now, by perspective of age.

Ages 13-21: Craziness. I hate to drop the starting age so low because I wasn’t even thinking about sex at that age but with stories in the news of teachers catching younger kids performing sexual acts on one another and quicker sexual development of kids these days, it’s just no longer surprising that kids would be thinking about sex that soon. The media has a lot to do with it as well.

At this age, boys and girls are just figuring out “what this does” and “how do I use this” and “I can do that?” kind of stuff. At a certain point, sex is all they want and they can’t get enough because it’s a novelty. Having sex is seen as a trend then anything else. “Everyone’s doing it.”

Ages 21-25: Casual relationships. At this point, you’re done with undergrad and now starting a new chapter in your life. You have no idea what’s going to happen and nowadays, that’s a great thing because you’re not committed to anything or anyone. At the same time, you still have NO clue who you are (or at least who you will be). In this stage, hooking up becomes the more acceptable thing. Commitment just isn’t realistic for most, maybe because of work or a lifestyle choice. People don’t want to be tied down at this time and they figure they can still party like they used to in college…but in the real world. They can worry about the committed stuff later.

Ages 25-30: More exclusive dating and relationships. Reality sets in and you realize that you can’t be partying and hooking up like this for the rest of your life and wouldn’t mind getting into something a little more “routine.” So you start to be more conscious of whom you’re going out with and if the right person comes along and you two have a good few dates, you may put yourself in a relationship. Those relationships can last for years or months, depending on where you are in your life. You’ll go through phases of loving your relationship or missing being on the market but you avert your thoughts because you think you’re on the right track. In between relationships, you’re back to your hooking up phase, catch yourself doing it, stop and get back into your relationship-seeking mode. It’s a sucky cycle and these are the years where you REALLY figure out what you want, as frustrating as it may be.

Ages 30 and up. Commitment. This is where you realize that you’re 30 and would like to start a family soon. Women would consider their “clock” starting to tick a little louder around this time. Pursuit is a little more aggressive as more effort is put into finding the potential spouse and provider/protector of your children because you feel pretty convinced that you know what you want.

Obviously these are general statements and don’t apply to everyone because of special circumstances but this is how I see the dating world now. This is the only dating world I know. I’ve had plenty of conversations with my parents and my friends’ parents about this. There are so many choices today and people are quick to put aside things for more selfish reasons because of this accessibility. Would you agree? Disagree? Let’s talk about this.

So if you’re asking me, “if I can’t meet women in bars anymore, where can I meet them?” I’ll have the answer for you tomorrow.

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Get the VIP Treatment

I've mentioned many times before how it is important that you have a few spots in your area where you are a regular. If that requires you to go once or twice a week, then so be it. Creating a lifestyle takes time and commitment.

So if you've reached that point where you are a regular and you have befriended the bartenders and waiters then you should notice that you've been treated a little bit better. Maybe the bartender serves you quicker on busier nights or you get a few drinks "on the house." Not only are these things beneficial to you but your social circle as well. Remember the whole "giving value" thing? Yeah, they'll appreciate the fact that you get hooked up and are sharing that with them (and they'll tell their friends about it, too - increasing your popularity).

I don't take advantage of situations at all for my personal beenfit - but I love doing it for other people.

Case Study: My buddy's birthday.

I want to make sure that my buddy has a great time at a place where he wants to go. I also want him to be treated well at this particular venue. So using my strings, I have been able to get him a table for little to nothing for this weekend (pending we meet requirements and he decides that that's where he'd like to have his party). I'll give you a small breakdown of how I was able to pull this off.

Over the course of several months, whenever I go to this place, I brought different people every time. I always made friends with everyone that worked there and checked in on them every once in a while throughout the night. I always sent a text to the bouncers to make sure that the amount of people I was bringing was ok. Above everything else, I thanked EVERYONE when the night was over. And of course it should go without saying that the people that I bring here are always model citizens who have a good time and not cause trouble.

A couple of weeks prior to my buddy's birthday, I talked to the manager about possibly wanting to hold a party there since they've always treated me well. I pretty much told him that if I can bring a ridiculous amount of people there, would he be able to hook me up (the venue is pretty small so an amount of 30 people would be pretty substantial). He said that he'd look into it and when I have official numbers, he'll "make it happen."

I tried my best to keep in touch with him, letting him know of my progress and he appreciated it. Today, he finally said he'd hook me up so I'm pretty excited about that. Once my buddy says that he'd like to have the party there, if it's possible, maybe I'll surprise both my buddy and my manager and bring more people there. But we'll see.

In the end, the important thing about being treated like a VIP is building and maintaining relationships. Going to a place once a month isn't going to cut it. You have to be out there in the scene, "working hard."

I'll have a follow-up post here about how all of this worked out in the end.

And my next post will actually be about how who you know can make your lifestyle infinitely easier.

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