Men will do or say anything to give them an excuse why something isn’t possible. Part of my job is to prove them wrong. Thank goodness there is data our there from surveys and online interactions to help my cause. This one comes from Maxim Magazine as they surveyed almost 8,000 women from across the country. Still skeptical? Think of it in numbers:
8,000 people / 50 states = 160 people per state. When you read these percentages, place them in the 160 and test this data in your area. You’ll be able to see your odds in a whole different light.
When it comes to approaching women, logistics and circumstances play huge roles. It’s rarely ever the technique in which an approach is made more so than the strategy. Survey results show that 1 out of every 2 women would most like to be met through mutual friends. 1 out of 6 would like to meet through school and approximately 1 out of 10 women would like to meet their match at work.
Lesson: It’s just as important to make friends with the women you’re interested in as the woman herself. The ultimate compliment happens when a woman you’re attracted to gets introduced to you by her friend. What more validation could you possibly need? Also, because school and work are second and third, it just shows that women are becoming more open to meeting anywhere. “Just take initiative and show interest.”
Of course, even though I just stated that what you say doesn’t really matter, people still will ask me what to say. 2 out of 5 women would just like for you introduce yourself and another 2 out of 5 would prefer you to make a joke.
Lesson: Simply walking up and saying, “I just want to introduce myself, my name is [insert name here],” is not as far-fetched as you think. Women appreciate honesty and confidence. At the same time, if you have the ability to make a woman laugh, it’s an easy in. Either way, your position needs to be providing positive energy and/or value. “Say something about what’s going on where we are.”
It’s important to know what women are looking for when initially interacting with you. Understand that women usually DO NOT look for your physical attributes first, in comparison to men - which is why it levels the playing field for many of us. But if you don’t take care of yourself, that’s a huge red flag for a woman. 1 out of 3 women think bad hygiene and grooming are the biggest turnoffs. 1 out of 5 think attention-seeking behavior is awful and another 1 out of 5 women think “pickup artist” tactics like “negging” are garbage.
Lesson: Take care of yourself and your body. It matters less about what you look like and more about how you treat yourself. How you show that actually tells her you would treat her. So if you’re a bigger guy, if you go to the gym and are physically active on a regular basis, you’ll have an advantage over a medium-build guy who’s pretty lazy with his life. While you’re at it, stop being needy, try-hard and constantly seeking validation from other women. It’s not necessary. You’re all the validation you need to carry you in life. And the whole pickup artist nonsense? Women are familiar with The Game now. “‘Pickup artist’ tactics are pathetic. You know what they’re doing! Means they have no confidence.”
Then what should you be focusing on when it comes to sparking interest? Nearly 2 out of 5 women like it when men playfully tease them. 1 out of 4 appreciate gentlemanly behavior, like opening doors and pulling out chairs, 1 out of 5 like lots of eye contact and 1 out of 10 women like it when you ask a lot of questions about them.
Lesson: Make conversation fun, provide value and be interested. Interest is shown not only through asking questions about them but also visual actions like when ordering another drink, asking if she’s ok, opening the door for her or helping her put on her coat. Add to the dynamic some playful teasing and you have the makings of a great interaction. Let me say that in order to truly be flirting, you have to initiate some physical contact. It’s important to break that barrier so women (and you) are comfortable with being in her space. There’s no need to go over the top as 1 out of 25 women do not like a lot of physical contact.
And, please, don’t ask a woman WHY she is single. 1 out of 3 say you should never ask that.
So how do you know if you’re doing all of these things right? 2 out of 5 women say they will tease you playfully. 1 out of 5 will NOT pull away from you if you touch them, another 1 out of 5 say they will touch your arm or leg during the interaction and 1 out of 10 will laugh at most things you say.
Lesson: Look for these signals to know if she’s interested. Once you get them, CONTINUE to do what you’re doing. There’s no need to change what’s working. If there’s anything you should be doing is pushing the interaction with more flirting, asking more questions and revealing more about yourself.
One major sticking point clients come across is taking risks. They don’t know when to do it and how to go about taking said risk. What are there “risks?” Examples are going for a kiss, asking for their number and establishing a date. 3 out of 4 women say you should make your move whenever, as long as you’re sure she’s into you.
Lesson: Now that you know the signs to tell if she’s interested, you have ZERO excuse. Go for it. DO NOT ask for permission. It’s better to make the mistake and apologize after than to ask and completely take out the suspense and anticipation of the interaction.
I tell all my clients that first dates should always be having a drink (or two, if you’re interested) and keeping it short (45-90 mins), unless you already have some type of history with them (long-time friends, previous mate, etc.). There’s no need to do anything crazy as you can save the craziness for dates in the future. Nearly 3 out of 4 women would rather have dinner or drinks than do something active like dancing.
Lesson: Stick to drinks and save the dinner and the dancing for other dates.
Now, let’s talk about sex. Guys place so much pressure on themselves to have to perform and come through in the clutch (no pun intended there). Fear not, as nearly ALL women will give you a second chance in bed if you come short the first time (pun intended). And while we’re talking about orgasms, nearly 1 out of 2 women say oral sex will most likely get them there. But with all this talk about the end goal, don’t think you shouldn’t be focusing on the journey. 2 out of 5 women would love more foreplay. “Kissing and making out like teenagers is fun.”
When it’s all said and done, nearly 9 out of 10 women would want sex to last from 30 minutes to an hour. Sex, here, is defined as foreplay and penetration. Yup, I said penetration. Now when you come to the site and search that term, something will actually come up. I just had a vision of that happening. Amazing.
Lesson: Don’t let sex stress you out. It’s supposed to be fun. Just do your best, get yourself comfortable until you reach to the point to “explore” and try new things and most importantly be just as giving as you enjoy receiving. At the end of the day, nearly 9 out of 10 women would rather be with a man who is “not as good” in bed but amazing in every other way.
Be that man.