So I am hanging out in the Upper West Side and I am pretty excited about the weekend ahead.
Let me just say that I am VERY excited to spend quality time with my girlfriend after what has been a wild beginning of 2010. We've been working so hard, I can't wait to REALLY take a break and getaway with her, even though we're physically not going anywhere. It's times like these that makes me VERY happy that she's in my life. Ergo, why I chose the picture that I did for today's post.
Also, I get to see my peeps at Vaynermedia and a few other great friends. On top of that, I am working with a new client, which I'll let him talk about it when he is ready.
Since, I'll have some free time today or Sunday, if you're in the area and would like to meet up, let me know.
Doesn't matter if you'd like to work with me, have a beverage or just say hi, I'm down. I know it's last-minute but don't worry. I'll be in NYC a lot in 2010 and beyond so if you miss this chance, don't worry, there will be more!
I've been working very hard over the past few months (which explains the few checkins to MiniBar on foursquare). Ultimately, it's been paying off. I have some special announcements to make as soon as some deals are finalized. At that point, I'll let you know.
In the meantime, I am looking for an intern. If you know someone who would be interested, have them email me and I'll send them the job description. It'll have a lot to do with WingmanTV.
I would also like to invite you to the Boston LoveNation Launch Party! It'll be at Foundation Lounge on February 9th. Details and RSVP can be found here.
New York fans, don't despair. We'll also be having a New York City Launch Party! It'll be on February 16th. Details and RSVP info can be found here.
That's it for now. Keep it simple.
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I’ve had many people talk to me about how hard it is to approach and engage women. I give them the answers then they go out and do their thing. Weeks, sometimes days later, they’ll come back to me with the same problems. I ask them how many times did they try what I suggested and they only tell me a handful of times.
If that’s the amount of effort you’re going to put into your dating life, what can you possibly expect to get in return? Just because you decided to the take the risk ONCE or TWICE, doesn’t mean that you deserve to have women flock to you. And chances are those few attempts aren’t going to be successful.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s NOT going to be easy. The answers are simple but the work required isn’t. Like life, it’s not meant to be. Just like anything else, if you want it bad enough, you have to work hard to get it. If you want to feel comfortable talking with attractive women, you have to work on it - ALL THE TIME. There are NO days off. It requires really figuring out what you need to do, taking action and having DISCIPLINE.
Discipline is what gets you out of your own way. Discipline is what allows you to see improvements. Discipline is what gets the results you want.
It’s January 12. I hope by now, you have somewhat figured out a plan for improving your dating life. Once you take action, you NEED to stick to it.
You are going to fail, many times. You are going to make even more mistakes. There will be up and downs. But slowly and surely you’ll start to improve. Things will get better and soon you will accomplish things you’ve never imagined possible.
All you need is some discipline.
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This continues my posts of Tough Love, a series of posts, giving direct advice to women based on the weekly VH1 show, Tough Love. If you have missed out on other posts, feel free to check out the other ones.
It’s one thing to move on from your past. It’s another to ignore it. The past is what has shaped you to be who you are today. We’ve all had our ups and downs.
But if you don’t reconcile your past, it will certainly have an effect on your present and undoubtedly, your future.
In dating, we’re talking about your most serious ex-boyfriend. Whatever ended your relationship can’t be undone. In the end, you have to ask yourself, “have I fully recovered? Can I legitimately move on?”
These answers usually shape what happens in your current life including decision-making and overall mentality toward dating.
What will happen if you run into him again? What if you are on a date or with a new boyfriend? How are you going to react?
Running into your ex while on a date WILL happen. It’s happened to me. Read it if you’d like to read my perspective.
If there is anything you take from this post, let it be this. If you are overcome with emotion, that’s a sign that you should confront them. If you do it, make sure it’s in a mature, non-abusive, non-aggressive manner.
Bring closure to the relationship quickly and then move on with your date, your boyfriend and your life.
By NO means invest more time with your past than your potential future. It is the worst look you could ever give yourself. A man will question his respect for you and wonder if you HAVE moved on. If you haven’t, it’s seen as a red flag (unnecessary baggage).
And don’t expect him to be excited or take initiative in doing anything involving you and your ex. He may be a little assertive in wanting to get back your attention but he’ll see that as risky, depending on what he can see from your reactions to seeing your ex. He’d rather keep it cool and not embarrass himself or you.
The best way to avoid this is to reconcile these things before getting back into the dating world.
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I love it when people tell me “no.” When I hear “no,” I smile. Why? Because I know that I haven’t gained or lost anything. I am also secure about my value to society so I know I will not be told no to all the time. I remember in my past, there were plenty of people who have told me “yes” and through that, I know someone else will say “yes.” Someone else will take the chance. Someone else will go all-in for me.
And they will win.
See that quote on the cup? Let me type it again for you to see.
"The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough. On occasion some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don't take it personally when they say "no" - they may not be smart enough to say "yes"." - Keith Olbermann
It’s true for us, guys. There is always a woman who may look like you’re not good enough for. In some cases, it’s probably true. What she may be looking for is something either she doesn’t see in you or you probably don’t offer. And that’s fine. But you’re not going to know that unless you ask. Let her GIVE you a reason why it’s a “no” instead of just not trying and ASSUMING it’s a “no.”
Rejection is a part of life and it’s certainly a part of dating. Women are going to tell you “no” more than “yes.” The “yeses” are those you want to focus on. And maybe Olbermann is right. Maybe a woman may not realize that it’s YOU she’s looking for.
When a woman tells you no, smile, say it’s great meeting her and move right along.
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There is SO much content out there about dating today. I am FAR from being the only source and I’m sure I’m not the only one you read either. The problem that I’ve come across with many people that I meet is that they all read almost all there is about relationships, dating and sex, yet, there’s usually one thing that has prevented them really breaking ground and having successful dating lives.
Taking action.
Sure there are multiple elements of that phrase, but when it comes down to it, you’re either doing something or you’re doing nothing. Last night, I opened up a fortune cookie and this is the message that was inside.
“Better to do something imperfectly than do nothing perfectly.”
There is a lot of truth in that statement.
Gary Vaynerchuk even put out a video about going out and just grabbing it (love the quick last line about how it applies to guys and girls).
In 2010, we have the world at our fingertips more than ever. There’s so much transparency out there; we have the ability to watch someone make mistakes, see the consequences and learn everything we need to know before we take our own action.
Real-life case study: reality shows.
The reason why there are so many reality shows like Tough Love is not purely for entertainment. Well, maybe it is. But they’re making entertainment out of the fact that it’s hard to find love and people are willing to do whatever it takes to find it.
In the end, they’re at least doing something about it.
What are YOU doing?
Are you figuring out what’s preventing you from dating people? Are you asking friends? Are you creating an action plan for how you’ll improve your dating life in 2010? Are you following through with your action plan? If you don’t even know where to start, are you looking for someone to help you? A friend? A professional?
Most of my blog posts this year will talk about having action items designed to help your dating life. When it comes down to it, that’s what you’ll need to do in order to see the changes you’re looking for in 2010. People say this is the year of opportunity. There are opportunities ALL the time.
Make 2010 the year of ACTION.
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Do You Want to Enhance Your Social Life?
If so, sign up for the Wingman Labs for free dating tips and exclusive content! Also receive my free eBook, 5 Elements of Having Your Own Rockstar Lifestyle. One of the easiest and effective ways to improve your social life.
This continues my posts of Tough Love, a series of posts, giving direct advice to women based on the weekly VH1 show, Tough Love. If you have missed out on other posts, feel free to check out the other ones.
This week, we’re talking about MONEY. Yes, money. It can help relationships. It can certainly kill them. We all remember the FreeCreditReport.com commercial with the guy playing in the basement of her parents’ place because his girlfriend lied about her credit and couldn’t get a mortgage for a house.
On the flipside, your spending habits can be just as harmful. Is it going to cost a man to date you? These are the types of things men think about as seriously as he thinks about anything else (if he’s serious about a long-term relationship).
How responsible are you with money? Are you more likely to spend money more on things that aren’t necessary? Is your lifestyle conducive to having to own the most expensive clothes or eating at the best restaurants?
Your lifestyle choices may be irrelevant if you are self-sufficient and work your face off for the things you want. But what if you need to rely on someone for those things? What if he puts you in charge of his finances? Are you going to blow it away with spa treatments when you should be saving for your house together and future family?
Yes, men actually think about these things.
That’s when it will be to your detriment. I’m sure you are aware of the term “gold digger.” Men will look to see if a woman has those attributes and it’s not in what a woman has. It’s in the value of the items and where they came from. If she has a $4000 watch that a “friend” in Vegas gave to her, that’s a red flag.
To a man, when it comes to money, the cost of living with and for someone is important in determining the future of a relationship.
Your perception of money directly correlates with how you value life and the little things that come with it. Men are looking to see how appreciative you are of things that they give and if you don’t give a shit about them because it’s what you expect or demand, they will NOT stick around. I promise you that.
A man wants to provide the world to a woman because he WANTS to, not because he has or is expected to.
I remember when someone had asked me on Twitter about who should pick up the tab on a date. I said that at the very least, a woman should OFFER to pick up the tab and the gesture will go a VERY long way. I stand by this statement. Men don’t want you to pay or split the tab most of the time but to them, they know you are willing to offer your part in the relationship.
You think guys don’t think about those things? Well, this is one of the many ways guys can see what their relationship with you will be. Since we're on the topic, if you’re unsure how to go about that moment when the check comes, here are a couple of tips.
Make it into a game. Be silly about it. It’s almost as awkward as the moment at the end of a first date. Acknowledge it and laugh. As a guy, I know you are just making the gesture so if you have the humor to laugh about it, that tells me that you’re also playful on top of responsible. I didn’t say make fun of the fact that most likely, I’ll pay. There’s a difference.
Make it an excuse for a second date. Something as simple as, “okay, I’ll pay next time.” That indicates you would like a second date, which will put a man at ease. You’ll also indicate your notion of sharing the responsibility of the relationship, which like I’ve said before is keeper material.
In the end, be good with your money and men will be good with you.
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When looking back at the past 10 years, it’s pretty ridiculous to think about where I was in 2000 and where I am now looking into 2010. I would suggest that you do the same reflection. It’s important to remember where you came from and how it has shaped who you are now. It’ll also give you an idea of where you’d like be in the future.
Personal highlights of this decade:
2000: Grew my first chest hair.* Played on a winless basketball team that summer (0-12), ironically named the Celtics.
2001: First New England Patriots Championship parade. Scored 35 points in a championship basketball game that summer. And lost.
2002: Played my first high school varsity football game.
2003: Graduated from high school. Created a city council order (still in effect today). Got my driver’s license (on my first try). Went to college in Philadelphia.
2004: First Red Sox Championship parade. Lived in my first apartment.
As it gets closer and closer to 2010, we have this urge to create a list of New Year resolutions. We have all of these things that we’d like to change and we swear to ourselves that we are going to change them. And in most cases we do – for a few weeks. Then it’s downhill from there. Next thing you know, January 1, 2011 is approaching and you’re making the same resolutions – and it becomes a cycle of just setting yourself up for failure, every year.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s a sincere desire to make these changes for ourselves. It’s just so hard. I’ll admit, when I made resolutions prior to 2008, I would try so hard to keep them and a few months later, I would just forget about it (I actually don’t make resolutions anymore). Sometimes, we try hard to make a change that we go into it without forming a plan that will get you the results you want.
A lot of you guys come to me because you aren’t looking just to meet and attract women. You all are looking for a long-term relationship. Some of you are looking for a wife. There are some of you who are just looking to improve your social life. In order to achieve those things, you need a course of action. Resolutions take the same principle. You are going to need a plan to make your resolution a piece of cake.
Here are some tips that can help you stay on track on whatever resolution you have. Be as specific as possible. Don’t be vague with the goal you are trying to set. In order to be able to view this goal being accomplished, you have to view it as specifically as possible. You have to push it as far as you can. Let your goal be, “I’m going to be better at scheduling more personal time. Every week, I will designate 3-4 hours to do whatever I want for myself. For each week of the month, I will rotate an activity for that week. Maybe in the first week, I’ll play video games, then in the second week, I’ll watch a couple movies, and so forth.” When you can visualize yourself accomplishing something, you are already halfway there to making it happen.
Set milestones. Setting smaller milestones in order to ease the path to accomplishing your goal. It’s actually rather simple. With a design background, I’ll use this example. Clients rely on setting these milestones to make sure that they are getting what they ordered on time and exactly how they wanted it. Anyone can do this if you set your own milestones too. So with the free time thing, set some smaller goals for yourself. Maybe you want to make sure that your phone is off so you’re not distracted for the 3-4 hours. You could also shut your computer down so you don’t have to look at your email, Facebook or Twitter. These short-term goals, although really small in perspective, will help you stay focused on what you’d like to accomplish.
Be accountable. There are different ways to hold yourself accountable these days. You can have a friend do it. Having another person encourage you or join you in the resolution will ease the pressure and make it easier to keeping your resolution. You can also start a blog, similar to how I did two years ago. Other people read it and will follow it, expecting you to hold your end of the bargain. However you decide to do it, you are never alone.
Treat yourself. When doing a design project, if you complete a milestone, you get paid a portion of the total. Reward yourself when you accomplish smaller goals toward achieving your resolution. As long as the reward doesn’t counter your progress, you’ll be fine. So if you are actually doing the 3-4 hours successfully for a month and things are working well for you, you can reward yourself by giving yourself an extra hour for one week. If you like video games, you can reward yourself by buying a new video game for that week you play. If you really like movies, you can reward yourself by buying a Netflix account for the week you are watching movies. If you keep doing this, let the rewards get better and serve as a motivator as you get closer to keeping your resolution.
Happy New Year and bring 2010 in with a bang!
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Do You Want to Enhance Your Social Life?
If so, sign up for the Wingman Labs for free dating tips and exclusive content! Also receive my free eBook, 5 Elements of Having Your Own Rockstar Lifestyle. One of the easiest and effective ways to improve your social life.
Have fun this holiday season. The Professional Wingman will be a little quiet for the next couple of weeks but just know things are brewing fro 2010 and I do have a Christmas gift for those who signed up for the newsletter. If you haven’t signed up, do so NOW!
Happy Holidays!
If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the feed to receive future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Do You Want to Enhance Your Social Life?
If so, sign up for the Wingman Labs for free dating tips and exclusive content! Also receive my free eBook, 5 Elements of Having Your Own Rockstar Lifestyle. One of the easiest and effective ways to improve your social life.
