This continues my posts of Tough Love, a series of posts, giving direct advice to women based on the weekly VH1 show, Tough Love. If you have missed out on other posts, feel free to check out the other ones.
This week, we’re talking about MONEY. Yes, money. It can help relationships. It can certainly kill them. We all remember the FreeCreditReport.com commercial with the guy playing in the basement of her parents’ place because his girlfriend lied about her credit and couldn’t get a mortgage for a house.
On the flipside, your spending habits can be just as harmful. Is it going to cost a man to date you? These are the types of things men think about as seriously as he thinks about anything else (if he’s serious about a long-term relationship).
How responsible are you with money? Are you more likely to spend money more on things that aren’t necessary? Is your lifestyle conducive to having to own the most expensive clothes or eating at the best restaurants?
Your lifestyle choices may be irrelevant if you are self-sufficient and work your face off for the things you want. But what if you need to rely on someone for those things? What if he puts you in charge of his finances? Are you going to blow it away with spa treatments when you should be saving for your house together and future family?
Yes, men actually think about these things.
That’s when it will be to your detriment. I’m sure you are aware of the term “gold digger.” Men will look to see if a woman has those attributes and it’s not in what a woman has. It’s in the value of the items and where they came from. If she has a $4000 watch that a “friend” in Vegas gave to her, that’s a red flag.
To a man, when it comes to money, the cost of living with and for someone is important in determining the future of a relationship.
Your perception of money directly correlates with how you value life and the little things that come with it. Men are looking to see how appreciative you are of things that they give and if you don’t give a shit about them because it’s what you expect or demand, they will NOT stick around. I promise you that.
A man wants to provide the world to a woman because he WANTS to, not because he has or is expected to.
I remember when someone had asked me on Twitter about who should pick up the tab on a date. I said that at the very least, a woman should OFFER to pick up the tab and the gesture will go a VERY long way. I stand by this statement. Men don’t want you to pay or split the tab most of the time but to them, they know you are willing to offer your part in the relationship.
You think guys don’t think about those things? Well, this is one of the many ways guys can see what their relationship with you will be. Since we're on the topic, if you’re unsure how to go about that moment when the check comes, here are a couple of tips.
Make it into a game. Be silly about it. It’s almost as awkward as the moment at the end of a first date. Acknowledge it and laugh. As a guy, I know you are just making the gesture so if you have the humor to laugh about it, that tells me that you’re also playful on top of responsible. I didn’t say make fun of the fact that most likely, I’ll pay. There’s a difference.
Make it an excuse for a second date. Something as simple as, “okay, I’ll pay next time.” That indicates you would like a second date, which will put a man at ease. You’ll also indicate your notion of sharing the responsibility of the relationship, which like I’ve said before is keeper material.
In the end, be good with your money and men will be good with you.