setting goals

Motivation: The Confidence Killer

Motivation can be your biggest mind block -- and most of us don’t even know it.

Generally when people know what they need to work on, they get motivated. But when they don’t actually work on it, they believe the motivation wasn’t enough.

But that’s wrong.

If you weren’t motivated, you wouldn’t feel the urge the do research, read as much as you can -- or even reach out to an expert to get help.

State of the Union Address - For Your Dating Life

This is Week 1 of the 2011 Dating and Lifestyle Kickstart Guide. Thursdays, we cover the dating aspect. If you missed it, here is Tuesday's Lifestyle component.

Today, you will be focusing on three things before determining where you will find your potential match(es). Then, I give you three VERY effective resources for finding them. 

Links used:
eFlirt Expert
Email questions to me 

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How to Keep Your Resolutions in 2010

As it gets closer and closer to 2010, we have this urge to create a list of New Year resolutions. We have all of these things that we’d like to change and we swear to ourselves that we are going to change them. And in most cases we do – for a few weeks. Then it’s downhill from there. Next thing you know, January 1, 2011 is approaching and you’re making the same resolutions – and it becomes a cycle of just setting yourself up for failure, every year.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s a sincere desire to make these changes for ourselves. It’s just so hard. I’ll admit, when I made resolutions prior to 2008, I would try so hard to keep them and a few months later, I would just forget about it (I actually don’t make resolutions anymore). Sometimes, we try hard to make a change that we go into it without forming a plan that will get you the results you want.

A lot of you guys come to me because you aren’t looking just to meet and attract women. You all are looking for a long-term relationship. Some of you are looking for a wife. There are some of you who are just looking to improve your social life. In order to achieve those things, you need a course of action. Resolutions take the same principle. You are going to need a plan to make your resolution a piece of cake.

Here are some tips that can help you stay on track on whatever resolution you have.

Be as specific as possible.
Don’t be vague with the goal you are trying to set. In order to be able to view this goal being accomplished, you have to view it as specifically as possible. You have to push it as far as you can. Let your goal be, “I’m going to be better at scheduling more personal time. Every week, I will designate 3-4 hours to do whatever I want for myself. For each week of the month, I will rotate an activity for that week. Maybe in the first week, I’ll play video games, then in the second week, I’ll watch a couple movies, and so forth.” When you can visualize yourself accomplishing something, you are already halfway there to making it happen.

Set milestones. Setting smaller milestones in order to ease the path to accomplishing your goal. It’s actually rather simple. With a design background, I’ll use this example. Clients rely on setting these milestones to make sure that they are getting what they ordered on time and exactly how they wanted it. Anyone can do this if you set your own milestones too. So with the free time thing, set some smaller goals for yourself. Maybe you want to make sure that your phone is off so you’re not distracted for the 3-4 hours. You could also shut your computer down so you don’t have to look at your email, Facebook or Twitter. These short-term goals, although really small in perspective, will help you stay focused on what you’d like to accomplish.

Be accountable. There are different ways to hold yourself accountable these days. You can have a friend do it. Having another person encourage you or join you in the resolution will ease the pressure and make it easier to keeping your resolution. You can also start a blog, similar to how I did two years ago. Other people read it and will follow it, expecting you to hold your end of the bargain. However you decide to do it, you are never alone.

Treat yourself. When doing a design project, if you complete a milestone, you get paid a portion of the total. Reward yourself when you accomplish smaller goals toward achieving your resolution. As long as the reward doesn’t counter your progress, you’ll be fine. So if you are actually doing the 3-4 hours successfully for a month and things are working well for you, you can reward yourself by giving yourself an extra hour for one week. If you like video games, you can reward yourself by buying a new video game for that week you play. If you really like movies, you can reward yourself by buying a Netflix account for the week you are watching movies. If you keep doing this, let the rewards get better and serve as a motivator as you get closer to keeping your resolution.

Happy New Year and bring 2010 in with a bang!

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Some Weekend Words of Encouragement

I hope you guys are enjoying the Giving and Taking Series. It’s been a lot of fun and I will continue it on Monday and wrap it up at the end of the week.

But for tonight and this Memorial Day weekend, I wanted to give you some notes that I have in my iPhone. It inspired me to write this and I hope it can help you with something this weekend.

These are just some solid points that I kept reading to myself over several months to battle any fears I had about failing, rejection, meeting women and trying to do new things in my life.

Imagine yourself successful. Nothing positive will ever happen if you can’t even think that it could happen. Spend time to think about the desired outcome as detailed as possible. If it’s about dating, think about how awesome you’re going to look this weekend and the kinds of women or men you’ll be talking to. Think about how each interaction will be successful in one way or another. Maybe with one you’ll get a phone number and in another, you two will go to a different bar and have a mini-date where things can be more intimate. Whatever you want, make sure you can actually imagine the success happening.

Reflect on past success. When it comes to dating, whether it was “luck” or not, most of you have been successful with getting a number, or a kiss or even a boy/girlfriend. It has happened before and it can happen again. Think about some of the things that you did that made it easy for you to get that number or kiss. If you can’t remember that, then think about the qualities about you that made him or her attracted to you. Don’t make it seem like you haven’t done this “dating thing” before. Most of you have and were successful. You’re just trying to create a level of consistency.

Set definite goals.
When you go out tonight, have some clear objectives. Maybe for tonight, you want to find someone that you’re into and get his or her number. After that, you’ll want to follow up with him or her tomorrow and set up a date for Sunday. That’s just an example, but your goals should be pretty straightforward.

At the same time, don’t go out with these bottled up intentions because it will show through your body language and your conversations. Just keep them in the back of your mind as you’re interacting with people, check up on yourself every once in a while to see how you’re doing.

In the end, this is all a learning experience.

Respond positively to life. Being positive and just going out not only to learn but also to have fun is a huge to finding your success. At the end of the night, you still have yourself and the life that you’re living is something no one else can take from you.

Go out, have fun and no matter what, stay positive.

I’ll end this with a quote that was at the end of my notes. It’ll pretty much explain everything.

“Our only limitations are those we set up in our own minds.”

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