This continues my posts of Tough Love, a series of posts, giving direct advice to women based on the weekly VH1 show, Tough Love. If you have missed out on other posts, feel free to check out the other ones.
It has always been easy for women to prosecute men for their dating past. My dating past is not pristine and honestly, whose really is?
There are very few people who live the dating lives of angels and I personally think that is ok, as long as you are looking to and currently DO take action in making things better.
There really wasn’t much stuff here to talk about in this episode of Tough Love but I will talk about some of the crimes that the women of Tough Love were “on trial” for and how most men perceive these crimes to be on a scale from “not so bad” to “total dealbreaker.”
Cheating on your fiance: this particular type of cheating is pretty much the #1 dealbreaker for men. A reason why is one of the biggest fears in a guy is you reach a major point in a relationship where you think he's found the one and he proposes to you to be with him for the rest of his life.
You say yes and then as you two prepare for the rest of your lives together, you cheat on him with another guy? It’s just a terrible thing to do and it makes every guy wonder if you could EVER be in a committed relationship let alone more than that. At a certain age, that kind of offense will cripple you.
Destructively vengeful personality: once again, another serious deal-breaker. If you take pleasure in taking revenge on someone, especially one of the destruction of property nature, guys will NOT want to be in a relationship with someone who can’t control their emotions in a productive way.
What issues you may have, you need to be able to get them in check or seek a professional to help you. These kinds of issues will not hurt you with short-term relationships but if you’re looking for long-term, forget about it.
Dating a taken man AKA adultery: it takes two to tango and if you’re going after a man who is already taken (and you KNOW he’s unavailable), that is a red flag.
There are enough single, eligible men walking the earth that you don’t need to get into a relationship that is already made - I don’t care if it’s a breaking (broken) relationship. If it’s the attention you are seeking, you can get it elsewhere. It’s still cheating, even though you’re not the one in the relationship.
In these and other date crimes, they will all come back around and hurt you. Yes, I believe in karma, but that’s not the point. These types of consequences do NOT have to be in the form of the same act being done upon you. But they can play a factor in the reason why you may be still single now.
Any step to recovering from such crimes will have to deal with confronting them, being honest about them and most importantly learning from them.
Having said that, if you are looking for these types of date crimes or other potential red-flags from us guys, it’s better to be indirect with your approach when you’re initially dating someone. From there, once the two of you become more comfortable with each other, you can start being more direct about what you’d like to know or are concerned with.
We all deserve to be with someone that is going to treat us right. We’re human and we do accept mistakes. The major thing is being mature and learning from them so that those same mistakes don’t become patterns and restrict you from being deemed “dateable.”