This continues my posts of Tough Love, a series of posts, giving direct advice to women based on the weekly VH1 show, Tough Love. If you have missed out on other posts, feel free to check out the other ones.
Week 4: Daddy & Dating
This should NOT be a revelation for many women. A woman’s relationship with their father is a huge reflection on their relationships (or lack thereof) with the guys in their life.
Many doctors have said this and it doesn’t hurt to keep talking about it because many women may not know how to break through this major hurdle in their dating lives.
A woman’s relationship with her father tells just as much as a man’s relationship with his mother. I was never REALLY aware of this until later on in life and even then, I was very ignorant of it.
With many girlfriends who didn’t have great relationships with their fathers, I always let it slide, thinking that it was something else that I just didn’t understand.
Little did I realize that there was a strong connection between the two.
To make a giant leap towards getting through such a difficult sticking point, you have to reconcile with your father about the relationship (or lack thereof) and how it has affected your LIFE, let alone your dating life.
This reconciliation can range from writing your emotions down and reading them to a peer group to actually confronting him and saying these things to him (granted, he’s still alive or around).
These kinds of things can affect someone’s entire life without them even knowing, just from the decisions they make, how they react to situations and how they manage relationships both intimate and platonic.
When I was growing up, I had shitty relationships with my older siblings and it affected me when I was in school. I got picked on all the time and had NO idea how to even go about sticking up for myself.
Then when I got into my first fight in elementary school, I put someone in sling for a couple weeks, I realized something was wrong, but never knew what to do about it so I bottled up whatever it was inside. Before my older sister left for college, she left a letter for me apologizing for the way she treated me and actually loved having me as a little brother.
That made me feel amazing and I knew that my sister wanted to be involved in my life. Fortunately, my relationships with my older siblings have dramatically improved since I started high school and have been awesome since.
I have been able to learn a lot from my experiences, both past and present and use what I have learned to HELP my relationships grow and not sabotage them anymore. For that, I am grateful.
As an aside, there was also a point of making sure that you and the guy you are with are on the same page. You have to make sure that the guy you are with aligns with what you want and what you are looking for (in a future sense).
DO NOT let a cute face distort what you hear. If you are looking to settle down and he’s looking to find someone to party with, you have to be able to know the difference and understand that it’s not good for what you want.
Sure, he’s good looking and he’s saying and doing all of the right things, but that’s only good for RIGHT NOW. He won’t be good for LATER and in turn leave you back at Square One, frustrated and with a higher sense of insecurity that will certainly go into the next relationship you start or at the very least show with the next guy you meet.
Keep your ears free from filters and understand the difference between what you are hearing and what you are actually seeing.