5 Keys to a First Date

There are a lot of rules and guidelines for successful first dates.

Instead of reading through all the nonsense, I will just tell you the 5 things that are most important to remember.

Never do dinner as a first date

It baffles me to this day why guys continue to believe dinner dates are great first dates.

Dinner dates set up two things: 

1. An obligation of her time. Knowing that she HAS to stay a specific amount of time, she’ll feel pressured to stay longer than she may want to and immediately puts her in a different mindset. 

2. An obligation of your money, where dinner dates cost an average of $140. If you’re lucky enough to have 2-3 first dates a week, that adds up VERY quickly.

The first date is really about getting to know each other and building on physical chemistry. 

It is not about how much money you have to throw around. This also begs the question of why would you invest so much in a woman you don’t even know.

First dates generally should be just two people having drinks in a fun environment. This allows the two of you to focus on each other and not worrying if you’re practicing good dining etiquette.

And yes, guys, the same rule applies here: pick up the tab on the drinks.

PRO TIP: If you had a good time, let her know you’ll pick up this round and she’ll get the next one.” Her reaction will be a great way to gauge her interest for a second date.

“It baffles me to this day why guys continue to believe dinner dates are great first dates.” Tweet this.

First date expectations are set by how you ask her out

The word “date” sounds very formal, and although there are some women who like to hear the word, it creates expectations that build unnecessary pressure for you.

Instead, say, “I’d love to take you out for a drink (notice the singular in “drink.”) [add date and other specifics],” or if you want to be even more casual, “let’s get together for a drink...”

In context of a good conversation with a woman that’s attracted to you, it works well and comes out perfectly natural.

Do not meet up with friends, whether hers or yours

Never agree to this kind of date, nor set your date as such. All this says is, “I don’t value you enough to give you time alone with me.”

If she really likes you, she’ll make time to be alone with you. It’s as simple as that.

Friday and Saturday night first dates are not recommended

Most people go out on Friday and Saturday nights so any place you’d like to take her will likely be crowded and noisy, making it hard to connect with her.

Also, these are what I consider “high-value” nights, where most will have plans to go out, hang with friends, and even hope to meet someone. These dates are very important to those people and will typically not want to sacrifice them for someone they don’t know, no matter how exciting they may be about the date.

Your best bet is to set up a date any other day. Personally, my favorite nights are Thursdays and Tuesdays. Expectations will be more realistic and you won’t need to be full of “party-style” energy in order to match the environment you would on a weekend night.

Take her to a place that is comfortable and on the quieter side

On first dates, the environment should hint at some intimacy. This will better allow you two to find out if there’s a “spark.”

Good places to take your date are venues that are on the smaller side, have some charm (artwork, a rustic ambiance, etc.), and doesn’t play terribly loud music.

Guys always ask me what’s the ideal seating arrangement for first dates. The answer is simple. You want to be sitting next to her, not across. This is one of a million reasons why dinner dates are so awful.

Ideally, it would be great to sit on a couch but if that’s not an option, sitting together at the bar is fine.

You want to focus on being interesting and interested on the date and you don’t want the environment to distract you from those two things.

Remember, if she’s going out on a date with you, she’s already attracted to you -- that’s one battle won. There’s no need to go out of your way to impress her. This date is ONLY about you two getting to know each other and deciding if a future is promising.

Sex, Dreams, and Dating

Our dreams say a lot about who we are. What they also tell is how our perceptions deceive us when we're awake -- especially when it comes to dating.

It’s no surprise America is the most sexually repressed country in the world. We were constantly told growing up that thinking dirty thoughts are wrong.

That couldn’t be further from the truth.

Our brains are naturally wired to think about reproduction. It’s completely natural to think about wanting to have sex with someone.

In the Matrix (you knew a Matrix reference was coming), Mouse told Neo, 

“To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human.”

Tweet this.

But first, let’s talk about the myth that women don’t think, or in this case, dream about sex.

Nearly 9 out of 10 men dream about sex

We all know that men do -- and it’s true. To this day, many men still believe having sexual thoughts are bad. So instead, they dream about it. And men dream about sex a ton.

Well, researchers at the University of Montreal have been collecting data over the last 11 years, and found over 73 percent of women confessed to dream about sex. 

Nearly 3 out of every 4 women dream about sex

This stat isn’t just to prove thinking about sex is a completely normal thing. It’s for guys to understand that it’s necessary to be open and authentic about your intentions with women.

When you don’t let her know you’re sexually attracted to her, you’re basically telling yourself what you are feeling is wrong. The reality is it’s very likely the woman you’re talking to is thinking very similar thoughts.

And as much as she’s thinking about it, it’s even MORE taboo for her to be the one acting on those feelings, so it’s imperative you open the door, make your intentions known, and get her in a state where she feels comfortable opening up to you sexually.

Both men and women are insecure -- in different ways

Other interesting facts from this same study conclude men and women are sub-consciously insecure in different ways.

While guys are dreaming of flying through the air and saving the world from its constant impending doom, women on the other hand dream about things such as being paralyzed by fear, failing exams, and dying.

The total irony is when they’re awake, men and women project completely different attitudes, especially when it comes to dating. Men lack "superhero" courage and are fearful of approaching or trying to attract woman; and women put their guards up, projecting confidence and making men feel out of their league, when in reality, they fear making a bad choice in choosing a man.

With this new information, you can see a balance exists between how both men and women outwardly behave and what they sub-consciously think. So, it comes down to this:

In the dating world, we are all equal

So guys, the next time you see an attractive woman, understand if you try to approach and make a connection with her, not only may she be physically attracted to you, but there's also a chance she’s just as nervous as you.

Don’t let her external beauty prevent you from finding out how much beauty exists internally -- the more important of the two.