Swizz Beatz just dropped 2 minutes of amazing knowledge on how to have a great relationship -- especially one as attractive and successful as Alicia Keys. Pay 1000% attention to his points as these will not only help you have a strong, long-lasting relationship, but also get you into one. Remember, communication starts at first glance.
One request I’ve been getting recently is to share more of my personal life in posts like I used to back in the day.
The truth is even though my life has progressed beyond my wildest dreams, I’m always looking to understand and improve myself as a man, friend, and future husband.
Being in the relationship I’m in feels amazing. However, every day is a new day for me. The experiences I go through each day are unlike anything I’ve ever gone through. My responsibilities, expectations, social skills, and so much more are constantly evolving.
So how do I handle it all without screwing things up?
These posts are based on the reality TV series Tough Love. I don’t actually talk about what takes place on the show but I will talk about what women can learn from each episode’s theme. See the other themes that I talk about.
Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. Without it, you really don’t have any type of relationship. And like any form of communication, it’s a two-way street.
No message would be interpreted if there were no one on the other side. Think of it this way.
When you call someone, you expect him or her to answer.
There are different types of communication that I talk about all the time, one being physical communication (also known as body language). This is the communication most people can’t understand or portray properly.
If you can’t physically express how you feel, you’re not saying about 70% of what needs to be said and chances are, the person across from you doesn’t understand you. Really be conscious about the messages you are sending with your body and make sure you are saying what you want.
If you are having problems with body language, get a wingman or wingwoman to go out with you and see what you are doing. It’s a good first step in finding out if you are sending the right signals.
One thing that I have noticed with most of my female clients is that her insecurity constantly shows every time a man gives her a compliment.
Once, maybe twice, a man will find that she’s modest and cute. Three, four, maybe seven times, he’ll be turned off by it and may start to hesitate to give her more compliments and wonder why she doesn’t receive them well.
Instead of brushing the compliment off, acknowledge it by doing this. SMILE and say thank you.
Lastly, I cannot stress this enough. Most guys will agree with me here, as well. It is quintessential that as a woman, you are confident about your natural look. Having tons of makeup on is FAR from sexy.
It tells men that you are insecure about your look or are overcompensating your beauty for something else that you don’t want men to know. These days, anything extremely artificial can lose you points. Natural beauty is in.
The true sexiness is being able to embrace your natural beauty, taking care of yourself and maintaining it.
There are some interesting points that I’d like to make about being single and learning how to become more attractive. I took these notes over 3 years ago and I am finally resurfacing them now. When I was pursuing a career in design, these ideas were really important to selling myself and delivering a message to my target audience. Now, I see some serious value in these same ideas when it comes to dating.
Use your ear. Listen and you will see. It sounds obvious but I still have to tell my clients how important it is to listen. As a guy, it’s imperative that you listen to what women are saying. Most of what she says WILL resurface in one way or another and how you step up will have an effect on your relationships and your ability to be that much more attractive.
We are in a digital age. Online dating is acceptable and more people are getting together and growing very strong relationships. I am getting more friends who have found their match online and are damn happy they did. We check email more than anything else these days. We’d rather text because it allows us to multitask. People even use the clocks on their phones as their modern day pocket watch! I’m not saying that this is right but it’s the way things are happening right now. Be more understanding and use these resources to your advantage.
Be fresh and groundbreaking. One of the keys to being the guy she’s never met is to live your life the way you want to and do things differently. For me, it was about living the following quote (before E & O became my mantra),
“Live for the line, not the dot.”
Live life for its journey, not the end. If you’re so focused on the outcome, not only will you lose focus putting significant pressure on yourself but you’ll also do the one thing life is meant for. Enjoying yourself.
Blur the lines and interrupt regularity. Piggy-backing the previous point, being someone that stands out gives you significant value. You are an individual. There is only ONE of you. Believe it or not, you are a walking rarity. Only one woman can potentially have the opportunity to be married to you. ACT like it. Anything that is unique about you is another opportunity to show people why you’re awesome. Which leads to the next point.
Be engaging or be DVR’d. If you’re not engaging, women will look elsewhere for entertainment. It’s that simple. Learn how to engage women more and women will want to stick around – even more, want to come back.
Expose yourself and create belief. Transparency and authenticity is wildly important in anything that you do. In dating, in order to REALLY get the type of woman that you want, you MUST be open and true to who you are. You almost want to be so passionate about being embracing your DNA, that it creates this element of positive belief. In other words, a woman can relate to you so much that they inherently believe in who you are and what you represent and that has infinite sex appeal.
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This is the last part of a series that I have been doing about the different paradigms of human interaction and relationships.
These paradigms are based on Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Here are the other parts of the series.
Win/Win or No Deal
We are going to end with the Win/Win or No Deal philosophy.
“I only want to go for Win/Win. I want to win, and I want you to win. I wouldn’t want to get my way and have you not feel good about it, because downstream it would eventually surface and create a withdrawal. On the other hand, I don’t think you would feel good if you got your way and I gave in. So let’s work for a Win/Win. Let’s really hammer it out. And if we can’t find it, then let’s agree that we won’t make a deal at all. It would be better not to deal than to live with a decision that wasn’t right for us both. Then maybe another time we might be able to get together.”
The whole concept of Win/Win or No Deal is usually best applied to business relationships but in the kind of reality you’d like to create, anything less than Win/Win is not going to be beneficial to long-term relationships. What is hard in relationships is being able to accept the No Deal, because we confuse that as Lose/Lose. Being able to have this mentality requires a very high level of maturity, understanding and a great deal of listening and communication skills.
If you get a grasp on this, you will achieve such a level of emotional freedom and avoid so many conflicts down the road. This mentality also can be applied to the beginning stages of any relationship to give you the same emotional freedom and make you no longer needy.
Using the elements of Win/Win, if you can’t come to a good resolution, you should be able to accept No Deal and find an alternative. While great at the beginning of a relationship, it becomes harder and harder to accept a No Deal, especially when more feelings and emotional investment are involved. This is where compromise comes in. While compromise – which can be considered a secondary level of Win/Win – may appear to be Win/Win, it tends to end up being Win/Lose or Lose/Win in reality.
Of course, there will be times in a relationship when No Deal cannot work. For example, if she REALLY needs you for something and it could be very inconvenient for you but you know what? You have to do it, because you care for her and want her to be happy. Instead of thinking about how inconvenient it is and how that negative thinking makes you unhappy, reframe it and think about how happy she’ll be, how much fun you MAY have and how she’ll reward you down the road. Keeping that frame of mind will not make situations seem terrible, because in hindsight, it’s not.
Plus, you care about her, right? Part of that is being able to do selfless acts for the greater good.
If you haven’t realized by now, obviously all of these philosophies are not set in stone and there is some leeway, as many other things in life – but it requires maturity, integrity and self-control to acknowledge the give some things have.
In the end, this whole Giving & Taking series is all about knowing how the pieces fit in a relationship. You have to know what and how much you are willing to give to your significant other and what you are ready to accept from her. It’s about sacrifice. It’s about understanding. It’s about making time. It’s about giving yourself. It’s about learning. It’s about growing together. It’s about disagreements. It’s about resolution. It’s about…everything.
I write those things and I think of my girlfriend. She embodies everything that I want in a woman and the best part is that I feel more like myself at this time more than any time in the past few years. She is growing to become more than just something to me. She’s becoming everything to me. And as I wrote this series, she was always in the back of my mind, wondering about how well we do together. She’s amazing and although it’s still early, I hope you guys (and girls) can read this, possibly learn something (I’ve learned a lot writing this) and you can find something even remotely close to what I have now because let me tell you something.
This caps the Giving & Taking series here at Project Infinity. I would love to hear feedback, questions and comments you may have. If you’d like to contact me, feel free to send me an email.