listening

Active Listening and the Rewards Strategy

Guys have a hard time listening. And it’s one of the worst things that prevent them from connecting with women. 

While I was working with a client in DC this past weekend, I noticed times when conversations with women were going great and other times they weren’t.

Consistently  we figured out in the times they weren’t, he didn’t know what to say next.

This is a common issue for the men I work with. 

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How to Be Attractive as a Single Man

There are some interesting points that I’d like to make about being single and learning how to become more attractive. I took these notes over 3 years ago and I am finally resurfacing them now. When I was pursuing a career in design, these ideas were really important to selling myself and delivering a message to my target audience. Now, I see some serious value in these same ideas when it comes to dating.

Use your ear. Listen and you will see. It sounds obvious but I still have to tell my clients how important it is to listen. As a guy, it’s imperative that you listen to what women are saying. Most of what she says WILL resurface in one way or another and how you step up will have an effect on your relationships and your ability to be that much more attractive.

We are in a digital age. Online dating is acceptable and more people are getting together and growing very strong relationships. I am getting more friends who have found their match online and are damn happy they did. We check email more than anything else these days. We’d rather text because it allows us to multitask. People even use the clocks on their phones as their modern day pocket watch! I’m not saying that this is right but it’s the way things are happening right now. Be more understanding and use these resources to your advantage.

Be fresh and groundbreaking. One of the keys to being the guy she’s never met is to live your life the way you want to and do things differently. For me, it was about living the following quote (before E & O became my mantra),

“Live for the line, not the dot.”

Live life for its journey, not the end. If you’re so focused on the outcome, not only will you lose focus putting significant pressure on yourself but you’ll also do the one thing life is meant for. Enjoying yourself.

Blur the lines and interrupt regularity. Piggy-backing the previous point, being someone that stands out gives you significant value. You are an individual. There is only ONE of you. Believe it or not, you are a walking rarity. Only one woman can potentially have the opportunity to be married to you. ACT like it. Anything that is unique about you is another opportunity to show people why you’re awesome. Which leads to the next point.

Be engaging or be DVR’d. If you’re not engaging, women will look elsewhere for entertainment. It’s that simple. Learn how to engage women more and women will want to stick around – even more, want to come back.

Expose yourself and create belief. Transparency and authenticity is wildly important in anything that you do. In dating, in order to REALLY get the type of woman that you want, you MUST be open and true to who you are. You almost want to be so passionate about being embracing your DNA, that it creates this element of positive belief. In other words, a woman can relate to you so much that they inherently believe in who you are and what you represent and that has infinite sex appeal.

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Elements of Communication: Element #3: Listening

This is continuation of my Elements of Communication series, where I talk about the importance of communication in a relationship – or any interaction, for that matter. Here are the elements so far:

Element #1 – Having an Opinion
Element #2 – Being Willing to Give Space & Trust
Element #3 – Listening

Now this may not make sense to some because when we think about the basic form of communication, we think about expressing ourselves either by talking or some type of visual articulation. But none of what you say will mean anything if no one is listening. Some of the best times you communicate are when you shut your mouth, listen and pay attention to what’s being said.

If you don’t realize it by now, this post will be rather short and to the point.

When you can hear passion in someone’s voice or if you can tell someone wants to tell you something important, the best thing you can do is shut up, let them express themselves and listen.

If someone just needs to get some stuff off of their chest and are NOT looking for advice – maybe not even an opinion – shut up and listen. This one is especially important because if you can’t handle being someone’s soundboard, then don’t bother. You’ll be wasting their time and you might even heighten their frustration or complicate things.

Part of listening is actually being able to understand what someone says. If it requires you to repeat what they say or ask questions to better understand, then do so. The person speaking will appreciate that, knowing that you are listening.

It’s tough to keep your mouth shut when you have all of these opinions forming in your head as he or she is speaking but it takes a bigger person to keep them to themselves and only speak their mind when asked to.

If you are able to listen to what is being said – and the conversation calls for it – you can be able to say some very profound things. For example, if someone is talking to you and you can almost tell that they are “thinking out loud” or not sure of some things, if you are truly paying attention, you can help guide them to their understanding and have really good dialogue. You have no idea how much I have learned by being able to listen to people and share thoughts back and forth.

I think in the end to enhance things, you have to be able to just listen and pay attention to what’s being said. Many of what I just said, you already know, but how often do you really practice this? You’ll learn so much more and there are so many benefits that can come from just this simple but elusive ability.

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