The Wingman Labs: A Set of Commandments of the Wingman

When you are going out with your boys, you’re out to have a good time. Every so often, you will have a chance to get to know a group of ladies and one might catch your eye. It’s important that if there is a chance for success that you and your friends are always on the same page. A wingman has bigger responsibilities than one would think. You really could create an entire system. Like how I did.

But anyone can be a quality wingman if they just tried. So, here is my basic foolproof system of being a good wingman to ensure your buddy success at the end of the night.

THOU SHALL BE WILLING TO SACRIFICE YOUR SUCCESS FOR HIS.

If you can’t let one night go by without being on the hunt and instead help your friend, then you have NO shot at being a good wingman. You will have your day. I promise. Don’t make the night about you. It’s selfish and it won’t help your buddy. No need to be jealous of his success either. Help him out. If you notice that people are paying more attention to you and not him, do whatever it takes to defer that attention to your buddy.

If the girl your buddy is hitting on has friends, you must go in there and entertain them so your buddy can focus on the girl. Most guys know this as taking one for the team. This is also a good time to talk your buddy up with her friends to assure them that he’s a good guy.

Whatever is the best thing you could say about your friend, make sure you say it. You’re the only person who can really validate him so if you’re serious about how good of a guy he is, no one will question your authority.

Tell stories about your friend that talks about how cool, fun, smart, wild, and/or funny he is. You can totally make fun of him but in a way that makes him a good guy. Tell them how you make fun of him because you caught him making baby noises to his nephew.

Probably the most important quality of a wingman is their lack of shame. I have a bunch of friends that just don’t have any when it comes to helping another out. It’s a no fear kind of thing. If you know that your friend has a legitimate shot at success, don’t be afraid of the potential for humiliation if it’s going to seal the deal for your buddy.

THOU SHALL HAVE A SIGNAL SYSTEM SET UP.

 

The other night, I saw my friend talking to two women and I was trying to figure out if he wanted me to come help him out. He had no idea what I was trying to signal and so he left and walked over. Come to find out, he actually did want my help but then lost the women.

There needs to be something, either hand signals, eye contact or whatever, so that your buddy knows what your situation is.

THOU SHALL ALWAYS LOOK LIKE YOU’RE HAVING A GOOD TIME.

No matter what the circumstance, you must bring the E & O! No one wants to be with a Davey Downer and women can smell pessimism like a terrible odor. It reeks.

Tomorrow, I will address the huge debate of whether or not it’s a better idea to have a wingwoman over a wingman.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the feed to receive future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Do You Want to Empower Your Love Life?

If so, sign up for The State of the Wingman newsletter for free dating tips and exclusive content! Also receive my free eBook, The Other Twenty Percent - The Starter Guide for Instant Dating Success. One of the easiest and effective ways to see dating improvement.

Name

Email Address

Close

Wingman Approved or Unapproved? You Decide

Cockblock/Catblock

This has been a huge topic that many people have been emailing me about. If there is any time that I would want conversation to happen, it has to be with this.

The idea of cockblocking and catblocking.

Yes, as men, I’m sure we’ve all been victims of this. I imagine this kind of thing can only happen at a bar, nightclub, or private house party. The night is going well and you are having a blast with this girl who seems to like you for some unknown reason. You two are dancing and getting it on, on the dance floor. You two kiss a couple times and it feels awesome. You can see the light at the end of the tunnel. You ask, she agrees to go back to your place “to see your Kurt Cobain Anthology” and is ready to leave. But before she does leave, she wants to let her friends know that she’s bouncing early.

After following her for what seems like forever while she’s looking for her friends, she finally finds them and tells them the deal. You think it’s in the bag and all of a sudden, her friends, without hesitation, grab her from your hand and pull her into the darkness and you never see her again. As she fades into the background, you hear her screaming, “But I like him. He’s cute” only to hear the response of, “You’re drunk. You just met him. You’re coming home with us.” You’re left there with empty hands wondering what just happened. You leave dejected and unless the good graces from heaven drop a woman on your head – literally – you may have to go home alone that night.

You've been cockblocked.

Now on the flipside, I have seen guys catblock (I’m hoping to have made that up) women. Although VERY rare, I guess these women are notorious for ruining men’s lives after having relations with them (i.e. bad rep for having reckless sexual activity with everyone, being a stalker, etc.) and maybe one of these guys that’s initiating the cat-block is aware or has been a victim of this woman’s destruction. For what I have seen, it seems to work just by one guy telling the other not to do it, while giving reason, of course. Usually, a guy will trust his boy and adhere to the sound advice.

Here’s my gripe with this. What’s the deal with all of the blocking? On one hand, it could be Wingman Approved because you could be saving your friend from impending doom. Then again, it could be Wingman Unapproved because you are stopping a friend’s chances of having an amazing time for that night. I stress the point of just that night because for right now, that’s all it is, until there is an indication of the possibility of more than just one night.

For this, I can only speak from the male perspective of countless people emailing about what to do when they come across this situation. Here is a female’s perspective on the topic.

I totally understand that we are to look after our friends. I do it all the time and I think when others do it, it’s admirable. But listen, we are adults. If we want to go home with someone for the night, why can’t we? What makes it so bad? If the guy is wasted and trying to drive her home, cock-block. If the guy looks like Ron Jeremy, by all means cock-block. But would you cock-block me from your friend if she really wants to spend the night with me, I’ve spent time getting to know all of you and have given no indication of being a creepster? I don’t like having to put myself in here but as a victim once in the past, I’d be curious to hear thoughts on that.

Some guys (and some women) believe that the other women tend to get jealous because they can’t find a guy to be with that night and so the rule, “if one can’t, no one can,” comes into effect. Is that true? I mean, I know that if my buddy was able to meet someone that night, I’d be cheering him on, regardless if I didn’t meet anyone that night. Why don’t I ever see women doing the same? It’s just an interesting thing that has confused many of us for years.

I’m sure many of my readers here are looking for growth within this issue more than a solution. So let’s keep it clean and fun.

Thoughts? Comments? Concerns?

*Wingman Approved/Unapproved is for entertainment purposes only. This is NOT advice and is only produced to evoke fun discussion and conversation. Misinterpretation of this as advice and using it in a social environment may result in brutal rejection, a drink thrown at you, a punch in the face and/or a huge social value drop. The Professional Wingman is not responsible for such misinterpretation.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the feed to receive future articles delivered to your feed reader.

What I Really Learned While on Vacation

It was my first trip back to Jamaica in 6 years. My family is from there and although I could have stayed with family, I decided to stay at an all-inclusive resort. Considering that I was staying with my older sister, brother-in-law, nephew and my mother, there wasn’t anyone that I could REALLY hang and party with while I was there. So I was on my own, which meant one thing. I had to create my own fun. Part of that was making new friends.

Here is one thing that you should think about wherever you are – especially when you’re on vacation. If you see someone you’d like to talk to, go and approach them. Chances are, you’ll never see them again, they are NOT going to blow you off (pending you’re not creepy), and if you do get rejected and there is any shame, you can leave it at the vacation spot. YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO LOSE.

When I went to the bar, I began talking with the bartenders, who were relatively young (around my age), and our conversation sparked conversation with other people at the bar. By the end of the first night out, I had made about 4 or 5 friends that I could hang out with while on vacation.

When it came to women, I feel when you’re on vacation, you should feel as though there is more room for mistakes because under the pretense of having nothing to lose, you can afford to make a couple errors. I’ll tell you what. The same thing applies when you’re back home. If a woman makes direct eye contact with you, she is telling you it’s ok to approach her. One night, a woman and I were exchanging eye contact throughout the night. I was having a good time with friends so I was in no rush force things. When I finally approached her, we ended up having a great time and spent a lot of our vacation together. There were other women who I talked to and made connections with but it all happened because I took action on a present opportunity. You need to do the same too, no matter where you are.

It’s not about being cool or letting her know how awesome you are. It’s about having fun and not caring about what could happen. You only have the ability to work with what IS happening at the moment and what you can MAKE happen.

Learn to spread your energy and your value wherever you are. People find that kind of personality infectious and they will gravitate toward you. I remember (for the most part – I had A LOT of alcohol while on vacation) every night I was talking with a different group of people. Some were my age, others were married couples that’ve been married forever, some had just got married, and so forth. I was listening to their stories and I was sharing mine. By the end of the night, people were dying to hang out with me again. And by the end of my vacation, everyone knew who I was at the bar. Bartenders knew me by first name and we taking care of me first (which helped my mother and brother-in-law get served a little quicker whenever they needed a drink). Some people threw a farewell get together for me on my last night. I even had people who were in the lobby looking for me when it was time for me to checkout and leave. It was one of the best true vacations that I have ever been on.

Since I’ve been back, there has been a drive stronger than anything I’ve had since I’ve started this blog and this company. My relaxation is at an optimal level. My sister said it best. “Dude, if you were any more relaxed, you’d be dead.” The vacation was a deal-changer in the sense that it’s changed my perspective on time, value, energy and everything else that’s important to me. The game has changed and that game is my life.

I am not boasting for the hell of it. These people were awesome and I plan on keeping in touch with as many of them as possible. I had an amazing time and these are the types of things that I have always taught my clients and blogged about incessantly. I hope you guys can take these tips and my experiences and make them your own. Whether you are in your hometown and know a lot of people or on vacation and know absolutely no one, you can make your experience an amazing one if you just let go, take some risks and live in the NOW instead of the future of POSSIBILTY and FEAR.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the feed to receive future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Two-Column Theory to Approaching Women

As I was sitting on the bus headed back to Boston after an amazing weekend, I figured I’d take the time to look back at some interesting points that were made over the weekend. After shooting a WingmanTV episode that I did in NYC, my guest and I were talking more about dating and meeting women. He brought up something interesting that I’d like to talk about.

He said that when it comes to approaching women, as an older guy and knowing what he wants, he’ll look at a girl and place her in one of two columns.

Column One – “You look like a fun time.” He carefully looks at her and decides if she can be someone he can have fun with. You have the kind of fun that can be just for that night. You also have the fun that can bring lots of energy and conversation for an extended period of time. Finally, you have the kind of fun that you’d want to be with for a VERY long time – potentially, the rest of your life. In this, he also included attributes such as low-maintenance, non-elitist attitude and friends. Yes, he does this just by checking her body language and how she’s carrying herself in the crowd.

Column Two – “You look like you require too much.” This column has women who look and act as though they are very high-maintenance. The kind of girl that would make you buy her a drink before talking to her or else she won’t give you the light of day. In the same column are women who are less mature and don’t carry themselves well in a social environment (they get wasted and make a fool of themselves). Once again, he will just look at body language, how she behaves with her friends and other subtle things.

This idea really intrigued me. It was almost like in the Terminator when he did a scan of people and their entire profile would come up and at the end, determine if they were dangerous or not. So I decided to adopt this for the day, just for fun, to see if you really can simplify things to the extent that allows you to determine if a woman is WORTH approaching.

That idea changes things a little bit because we’re not talking about the ability to approach attractive women. This goes beyond it in the sense that even though a woman can be a smokeshow, she still may not be worth you going up to her if there is a good chance she’s not going to rock your world.

So anyway, it started with walking down the street and looking at women and deciding if I would want to talk to them. This felt a little weird because it seemed as though I was harshly categorizing women and not really giving them a fair chance. I acknowledge this is something that should be frowned upon but I also see people do this everyday without remorse, especially when it comes to selecting a potential mate.

The problem that I see with this is that it’s not a perfect system. There will be times where you will put women in the wrong column. For example, a REALLY attractive woman who spent over an hour getting ready just so she can look incredible and may not get approached by any men, could have the “look” of a high-maintenance woman. The problem with that is her looks could be so intimidating that men are afraid to approach her, which makes her look untouchable when in fact, she would have LOVED for a guy to approach her.

If you remember my Wingman Unapproved post, you saw that the women we ended up talking to were happy that we talked with them because no one else had the “testicular fortitude” to do so. And they made a point to say that they are VERY friendly and would be open to talking to any guy just as long as they’re not creepy. But I digress…

In the end, this system can prove to be efficient for the kind of guy who is most likely older, is more sure of what he wants and has enough dating experience to be able to anticipate what he is getting himself into. I wonder how many of those guys exist?  It should be known that even with this mindset, there is still room for error with that theory. For someone who is younger and still searching for what he wants in a woman (and in life, in general), this may not be the best system. At all. But a fun one to joke around with.

Still interesting either way.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the feed to receive future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Where Would You Like Me to Go?

I have been reviewing many places in Boston and I’m having a great time creating these reviews for you guys. As I review more places, I’d like to be sure that I am reviewing places that people are curious about. So, this is YOUR chance to find out about other places I haven’t reviewed yet.

Let me know what places you’d like to see reviewed. As long as it’s in the Boston-area (I’ll include Cambridge), I’ll go out there and review it. As small as Boston is, there’s no way that I could have been to EVERY place there is. So let me know of some places, and I’ll have some reviews for you!

You can leave places in the comments, or you can send me a tweet with the place you want me to check out.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the feed to receive future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Paul, Alan, Wingman Making Drinks at the Roger Smith Hotel

My buddy Cort Johnson and I took a trip to NYC for the weekend for some usual work and play. We went there without an itinerary and we ended up having the one of the best times of our lives. This story comes from his blog which you should check out. And I suggest you follow him on Twitter as he is doing some MAJOR things.

I had never been to the Roger Smith Hotel before but from what I had heard from Alexa, Thomas and others was that this is the place to go for social media enthusiasts. Well let’s just say the hotel doesn’t disappoint, especially the Hotel bar Lilly’s.

Thomas and I spent the morning hustling to get a WingmanTV show together at Lounge 47 in Long Island City. Guests that cancel an hour before the shoot are never appreciated. But per usual we made a few phone calls begging people to overcome their hangovers and enjoy another cocktail with us at 11am.

Here is a bit of Thomas’ show that will air in mid October. I want to thank Allie (the sis always comes through to help) and Mickey for making the show happen.

After a few hours of sleep last night and the hustle of throwing a show together in 45 minutes, Thomas and I were naturally looking for a drink. We strolled down to 47th and Lexington for a cocktail from the infamous bartender Paul at Lily’s. If you haven’t been to Lily’s before the mere experience of sitting at the bar, watching and listening to how Paul makes a drink is unforgettable.

But I have to say that technology yet again makes for an incredible experience. After sending out a text to Alexa trying to get her out to the Roger Smith she had let a friend, Alan Webber, also staying at the Roger Smith know we were downstairs at the bar. Moments later Alan strolls through the bar and he, Thomas and I all became the captive audience for Paul’s Bespoke Cockail Mixology Show. Check it out!

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the feed to receive future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Get Stains Out of Shirts Quickly

I came across this blog post by Blank Label (written by Youmi Park). Their information is very basic yet easy to ignore. I have always said that it's the little things that make the difference. I am posting the full post here but you can check out the original blog post here.

So say you’re out meeting a date, meeting the boss, meeting the parents, meeting and greeting anyone and everyone. Whilst your meeting, you take swigs of red wine, slurps of marinara pasta, bump in to greasy mechanics, and by the time you realize low and behold there is a stain on your beautiful dress shirt.

If you noticed, other people will too and let me tell you men, there is nothing more sloppy or cheapening than a giant stain on an otherwise nice shirt. No one wants a big child around that can’t keep his food in his mouth or his hands to himself, and that’s the vibe you send out.

Therefore, when in times of desperation run, sprint to these 6 tips on how to get stains out of your shirts (quick!):

1. Use Sprite: While your date or engagement is away, order some Sprite or other clear, carbonated beverage and use that to dab away at your shirt’s stain. The bubbles have the same microscopic scrubbing effect as soap! Especially effective for coffee stains!
2. Warm Water and Dryer: Excuse yourself to the bathroom and wet the stained area with warm water. Remember to blot, not scrub. Then, dry the wet shirt with the dryer in the bathroom.
3. Soap: Self-explanatory. Still, do not forget to only dab!
4. Shampoo: If you are at your home, girlfriend/boyfriend’s, or at any sort of house party, make yourself to the bathroom and find some shampoo. This product works miracles on sweat stains and oil/ grease stains.
5. Vinegar and Warm Water: If you’re bold enough to ask for vinegar in a restaurant, use this to dab off red wine stains. It’ll probably be worth the strange look you get from the waiter. What does he know?
6. Put on Your Jacket: I don’t care how hot it is, if you have a jacket and a stain, the stain should be covered at any cost. Sacrifices, men. Sacrifices.

When you make a spill, make sure you notice before the person you are facing lifts her/his eyebrows and lets you know. No matter what, you should probably excuse yourself smoothly to the bathroom and examine the damage, then apply the techniques.

For another easy way to get stains out of shirts quickly, use Tide-To-Go or a bleach pen. Trust me, these are my saving graces and the only reason people can bear being with me.

But seriously, stains are a sign of carelessness and say you are a slovenly person that doesn’t really care about the occasion you are attending, even if you do feel it’s important.

So take care first, to try not spilling and if you do, (because we all do) take the right measures to make your shirt stains disappear. Then afterwards, take it out to the dry cleaners for proper cleaning so you can wear that shirt for a long time. So fresh and so clean, clean.

If you like these article, you should sign up for Wingman Labs below
and get even more exclusive content that will improve your social skills.

I Speak Spanish?!

Yeah, I had no idea either. But that was the case the other night when I went out with a buddy of mine to a Spanish-speaking Meetup. It was more his idea than me loving it. I will admit; I was a little hesitant considering I don’t know a lick of Spanish. Not to say that my buddy spoke Spanish but enough to carry on a much better conversation than I ever could. But you know, going to this actually made sense. How? Who knows…?

So going there, it ended up being a really good time. It started off rough because the organizers were sticklers about making sure everyone spoke Spanish, which is fine. But what if you want to learn conversational Spanish? Telling someone what something in Spanish means…IN SPANISH doesn’t really help. But as we moved along it got a lot better. We met a few people who only spoke Spanish and some who were trying to – not nearly as hard as I was. But I can honestly say that I was carrying conversation with two women using my best broken Spanish (thank you Emilie and Caitlyn).

AND THEY KNEW WHAT I WAS SAYING TOO!

Then, somehow, it was said that I could speak a little bit of French so then I was speaking in French while the woman was answering in Spanish. Needless to say, that became a mess quickly. But we had fun goofing around.

Just comes to show that you REALLY can do anything if you keep an open mind. It also occurred to me that these are the kinds of things that everyone should be doing. If you want to go completely out of your comfort zone, going to a meetup where they don’t speak much English would make the list.

Did I forget to mention that being daring and adventurous is attractive?

Sure, this would be a dramatic example but the important thing here is that I never once thought about saying NO to this. My mentality was, “How am I going to pull this off?” There was no doubt in my mind that it would work out eventually. But you have to build that kind of confidence within yourself to allow yourself to submerge into the realm of the unknown.

The best stories told are from the situations that were the least expected.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the feed to receive future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Rex Ryan, Because You're a New York Jet, You’re Scum, But You’re Also the Man

It should go without saying that the Jets represent everything that I hate about having a sports rival. At this point, I find them to be worse than the New York Yankees (that may change in a few weeks). Take this down as possibly the first time I’ve used the word hate ever on this site. I have disliked the Jets for years now and this year especially, there has been an increase of dislike after Kerry Rhodes's comments (who I can only hate on for the week he’s playing the Pats – he’s actually awesome) and some of the other Jets’ antics. When I heard Rex Ryan’s message to the season ticket holders, the first thing came to mind wasn’t the fact that I couldn’t stand the Jets.

It was the fact that he is REALLY trying to change the culture of the Jets organization. And I think he has.

I remember when I watched him as Defensive Coordinator of the Baltimore Ravens and he just had this swagger about him that made him look like the real deal. If you were to talk to any of the Ravens’ defensive players, they would be the first to tell you that Rex Ryan was a genius and an influence to the entire culture of the team. That Ravens defense dominated the league for many years and if it weren’t for the team getting old, they’d still be amongst the top 3 defensive teams in the NFL.

As a head coach, you wonder if he’d be able to do the same with a team that has struggled to become a championship contender since the early days of Joe Namath. Judging by the way the Jets performed last week against the Houston Texans and then this past Sunday against my beloved Patriots, I am nearly convinced he’s changed things.

Did you know that the New York Jets is the only team in the NFL to have yet to ALLOW an offensive touchdown? Yup. The Jets.

When you are able to come into a new place, filled with unstable rookies and very “settled-in-their-ways” veterans, and convince them that not only can they become winners, but they can become winners by following your lead, there’s no doubt that you are a leader. It takes strength, courage and a lot of confidence to be able to go into a place like that and shake things up the way Rex Ryan has.

Is there anyone in your life who can do/has done that to you?

Do you even need someone? Can you change your own culture?

Sometimes, all it takes is a swift kick in the ass and a good old-fashioned reality check to convince someone to TAKE ACTION instead of sitting around waiting for something or someone to happen. This is something you can do yourself. Motivation. It can get you fired up and ready to take on the world.

But what if something goes wrong? What if you get leveled and you’re looking up at the sky wondering, “What the hell just happened?” Do you have your own process of getting back up and bouncing back? I’m sure Rex Ryan has his system that he’s plugged into the entire team. I know I have my system of being able to bounce back from life’s counterpunches.

This is just another element of what it takes to be successful and as much as I can’t stand the Jets, I am hoping that he can prove that energy and optimism can change a culture.

Is there a way he can be successful and the Jets STILL lose?

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the feed to receive future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Wingman Unapproved

Bar in Jamaica

I haven’t really talked about my time in Jamaica on here. I do have a dedicated article about the things that I learned while I was down there, which you will get to see soon. Needless to say, I vacationed HARD when I was down there. Every night was a crazy one and I had so much fun hanging out by the beach when I wasn’t partying it up. There are plenty of stories to tell and they’ll come out in due time. I do want to share one now from the Tuesday night I was down there.

So I went downstairs and hung out at the bar. I was supposed to meet up with a girl that I met a couple days before. We were hanging out a lot and that night was her last night. Anyway, when I got down there, I ended up talking to who ended up being a REALLY cool guy, Dave. He was from Sheffield, England, and was with a couple friends and their wives – all awesome people. Anyway, while we were all chatting it up having a good time, one of the other people at the bar wanted to get the bartender to put a cork into an empty wine bottle.

The bartender was struggling so he gave up and wanted me to do it. I was able to get the cork in almost all of the way just using my thumb and then the bartender – we’ll call him E – used a spoon to get it all the way in. Then the guy slyly asked the bartender to get the cork back out of the bottle. At this point, E and I were completely baffled. How the hell were we going to get the cork out of the bottle?

Well, while all of this was going on, I noticed three really cute girls on the other side of the bar. They were having a good time and enjoying the entertainment that was going on. While, I was checking them out, a REALLY big black guy showed up and sat next to them. He instantly started talking to one of them and it seemed like conversation was going well.

Back to the riddle…

So while E and I are trying to figure out how to solve this, the guy at the bar mentions that we would need a piece of cloth. E decides to go to the back to get a piece of cloth and I’m still standing there trying to think about how to get this damn cork out. The guy, smiling, starts explaining how he would use the cloth to get the cork out and out of nowhere, the black guy offers his shirt for the other guy to use. Yes, the shirt off of his back.

By the time E got back with a piece of cloth, he notices that someone is shirtless at the bar. He couldn’t help but laugh. What happened to girl he was talking to? Well, she didn’t even know his shirt was off because she was turned around, talking to her friends. When she turned back around and saw shirtless guy, she burst into laughter and turned right back around. I guess it doesn’t have to be said that conversation ended there.

And you know, it’s not to say that he didn’t have a publicly decent body. He wasn’t a fatty or anything but it should go without saying that taking your shirt off at a bar is NOT going to get you the ladies. Doesn’t matter WHERE you are. Well, maybe if you were at a nudist colony, but even then, you wouldn’t be wearing a shirt to begin with so it wouldn’t even be an issue.

DON’T TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF. PERIOD.

For those who are curious, the guy was able to get the cork out of the bottle with the shirt. It was a crowd-pleaser.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the feed to receive future articles delivered to your feed reader.