How to Build Confidence

I had a session with a client that didn’t turn out so well for him. When it came to approaching attractive women, he froze EVERY TIME. I tried to have him approach women who weren’t as attractive as a way to build up his confidence. He froze. I almost had him approach guys but I had a feeling he’d freeze anyway. Confidence isn’t natural. 

Let it be known that "natural confidence" is a perception. Confidence will always be something that you have to build and tend to.

Confidence takes on the typical cycle:

Acknowledging your comfort zone. Going beyond that. Failing. Learning. Trying again. Succeeding. Acknowledging your new comfort zone. Going beyond that and so forth.

People have a pretty easy time with the first part - acknowledging your comfort zone. Beyond that, fear creeps in. You get nervous. You don’t know what to do. You certainly don’t want to screw up.

So, what do you do?

Here’s how I have been able to get over that hump to develop my confidence to an all-time high.

Knowing you will fail. It’s VERY rare that you’ll do something right the first time. Think about the various milestones in life. Walking for the first time. Saying your first words. Taking your first exam. Your first relationship. Your first job. Your first college application. Chances are you didn’t do it right the first time and it took a few dozen tries to be successful. People rarely get a 100% rating when it comes to anything in life. So be okay with that.

Are you REALLY experiencing fear? Or are you really confusing that with excitement? I’ve said MANY times that it only takes one person to say yes. Is it worth the excitement of finding out who does?

What’s the long term plan? Do you want a wife? A girlfriend? A mistress? Whatever your goals are, you must put the process in perspective. Once you find that person that loves you for who you are, you are going to look back and be thankful for the road you went down. Being rejected all of those times and going through all of those inadequate relationships really put you in a place where you are ready for the ultimate prize in life. True happiness.

I can guarantee that anyone can develop maximum confidence but there will always be the one thing that will stop you.

Taking the risk.

Can you do it?

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What I Really Learned While on Vacation

It was my first trip back to Jamaica in 6 years. My family is from there and although I could have stayed with family, I decided to stay at an all-inclusive resort. Considering that I was staying with my older sister, brother-in-law, nephew and my mother, there wasn’t anyone that I could REALLY hang and party with while I was there. So I was on my own, which meant one thing. I had to create my own fun. Part of that was making new friends.

Here is one thing that you should think about wherever you are – especially when you’re on vacation. If you see someone you’d like to talk to, go and approach them. Chances are, you’ll never see them again, they are NOT going to blow you off (pending you’re not creepy), and if you do get rejected and there is any shame, you can leave it at the vacation spot. YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO LOSE.

When I went to the bar, I began talking with the bartenders, who were relatively young (around my age), and our conversation sparked conversation with other people at the bar. By the end of the first night out, I had made about 4 or 5 friends that I could hang out with while on vacation.

When it came to women, I feel when you’re on vacation, you should feel as though there is more room for mistakes because under the pretense of having nothing to lose, you can afford to make a couple errors. I’ll tell you what. The same thing applies when you’re back home. If a woman makes direct eye contact with you, she is telling you it’s ok to approach her. One night, a woman and I were exchanging eye contact throughout the night. I was having a good time with friends so I was in no rush force things. When I finally approached her, we ended up having a great time and spent a lot of our vacation together. There were other women who I talked to and made connections with but it all happened because I took action on a present opportunity. You need to do the same too, no matter where you are.

It’s not about being cool or letting her know how awesome you are. It’s about having fun and not caring about what could happen. You only have the ability to work with what IS happening at the moment and what you can MAKE happen.

Learn to spread your energy and your value wherever you are. People find that kind of personality infectious and they will gravitate toward you. I remember (for the most part – I had A LOT of alcohol while on vacation) every night I was talking with a different group of people. Some were my age, others were married couples that’ve been married forever, some had just got married, and so forth. I was listening to their stories and I was sharing mine. By the end of the night, people were dying to hang out with me again. And by the end of my vacation, everyone knew who I was at the bar. Bartenders knew me by first name and we taking care of me first (which helped my mother and brother-in-law get served a little quicker whenever they needed a drink). Some people threw a farewell get together for me on my last night. I even had people who were in the lobby looking for me when it was time for me to checkout and leave. It was one of the best true vacations that I have ever been on.

Since I’ve been back, there has been a drive stronger than anything I’ve had since I’ve started this blog and this company. My relaxation is at an optimal level. My sister said it best. “Dude, if you were any more relaxed, you’d be dead.” The vacation was a deal-changer in the sense that it’s changed my perspective on time, value, energy and everything else that’s important to me. The game has changed and that game is my life.

I am not boasting for the hell of it. These people were awesome and I plan on keeping in touch with as many of them as possible. I had an amazing time and these are the types of things that I have always taught my clients and blogged about incessantly. I hope you guys can take these tips and my experiences and make them your own. Whether you are in your hometown and know a lot of people or on vacation and know absolutely no one, you can make your experience an amazing one if you just let go, take some risks and live in the NOW instead of the future of POSSIBILTY and FEAR.

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