The 50% Rule & How It Relates to Meeting Women

I am sure many of you who read this already are familiar with this. Others may forget about this so it’s never a bad thing to refresh everyone’s mind. I remember sitting down and talking with someone the other day and they asked me, “So how do you really handle rejection? In the beginning, you were obviously rejected more than you were accepted. How did you deal with that?”

Here’s what I said.

For me, I decided to treat making a connection with women like inviting them to a house party. If you invite 100 women, 50 are going to say ‘yes.’ Out of those 50, about 25 will actually show up. With all of your hosting duties, you’ll probably end up talking to 12 of these women for a decent amount of time throughout the night. Out of these 12, you’ll probably get 6 numbers from them. When you contact them, you may get 3 women to call you back. And out of those 3, maybe one will keep regular contact and a relationship will ensue. (The same concept goes for women trying to meet men as well.)

It sounds crazy but that’s how it is out there. You are going to go out there and meet many women (if you are actually taking action and making an effort). A very small percentage of those women will actually continue to talk to you 6 months down the road. As you get better at creating connections and become more comfortable with yourself, you will notice your success rate going up.

But at the beginning, you’ll be on the grind. You’ll be rejected. People may even laugh at you or think you’re weird or creepy. In the end, it’s not about how bad you get rejected. It’s about how much you can take and keep going. That’s where the evolution comes in.

A part of handling rejection is coming to terms that it will happen. As good as I am with making a connection with people, I still get rejected every now and then. After a while, you just say to yourself, "hmm…that blows. Well, I gotta keep moving.” Even at your best, you may mess up. It happens to everyone. And it’s ok. This is all for the greater good -

To become the best person we can possibly be and the only way to do that is to evolve through interaction.

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NFL Workouts, Being Pummeled by a Cute Girl & Drinking

So these past few weeks have been VERY crazy and I have only missed one appointment so I feel pretty good about committing to the routine. While I was working with Jason Reese a couple of weeks ago, he had put me through an NFL-style workout that was ridiculously intense but used to cut body fat immensely. It’s supposed to be great for players who need to get back in football shape before training camp. Some of you may ask, “So why would I ever want to do an NFL workout?” The answer is simple.

It’s fun, it’ll push you and you’ll get into unbelievable shape, feeling amazing the whole time.

But anyway, over the past couple of weeks, I have been working with Lindsey. When you first meet her, she looks like a cute, innocent and fun girl. Then you work out with her and you hate her. Well, maybe you don’t hate her. But she’s definitely someone that pushes you to the limit. I am sweating within 5 minutes of training with her and she works you hard from beginning to end. I personally love it. My core is always sore the next day and as much as I hate the soreness, I know it’s what’s keeping me looking and feeling good.

The great thing about Jason, Lindsey and all of the other trainers at Revolution Fitness is that they always have me doing something different. There are two very good benefits of “changing things up.” The first benefit is that you’re never bored when you go to the gym. When you know you’ll be doing something different, it makes you curious and somewhat excited to see what they are going to put you through that’s going to push your muscles. I’d say over 50% of what I have done with them already, I have never done before. Granted, I’m no bodybuilder, but I have worked out in my day and still, there are plenty of exercises and tools that are new to me that I’m using in my regimen, which is great. The second is that doing different exercises and variations of the same exercise actually works your muscles more because you are constantly “tricking” your muscles. If you keep doing the same motion repeatedly, no matter how much you do, your muscles will plateau. By “tricking,” you are giving your muscles an infinite growth span. Both are great things if you ask me.

As a result, I have gained a decent amount of weight (most of it being muscle) and reaching my goal doesn’t seem so out of reach anymore. BUT there is one thing that has been holding me back from really cutting up and making the best of my program.

Drinking.

In this video, I talk about the problems I have been (am) having, why it’s a problem and what I am going to do to fix things.

Vote for my SXSW panel here!

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Life Doesn't Care About Your Vision

And that’s a great thing.

This is going to seem like a contradictory post from my last post yesterday but it’s more of a compliment. To prove such I’ll start by using another Tyler Durden quote.

“I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let’s evolve, let the chips fall where they may.”

While you may have goals and specific things that you may want to accomplish when it comes to pickup and your overall personal development, it’s important to understand that this thing called “life” will happen and in an instant, change the game on you. The key to your success journey is to just go with it.

When I finished school and went back to Boston, I had absolutely NO clue what was going to happen. I had visions of living with a few of my best friends, getting a kick ass job in design and being able to hang out with my old high school friends again, since I didn’t get to hang with them for nearly 5 years.

None of those things happened.

I ended up living at home with my parents, couldn’t get a job in design, picked up a job as a valet and all of my friends pretty much got themselves “real jobs” and weren’t really around much to hang out – leaving me alone to an extent.

I could have sat there and cried about it, thinking that I was screwed and I couldn’t make anything of myself the way I wanted to. But I didn’t; I decided to accept the fact that these were the cards I was dealt and I still played with them. Things have turned out much better for me, over a year later and as I can only see it getting better.

When it comes to meeting and connecting with women, no matter what anyone says out there, you will never have the perfect “thing” that will work every time with every woman. Every interaction you have with someone will be different and all you need to do is have the social aptitude and flexibility to go with the flow and learn from each interaction. You can have all the visions in the world about how your interactions are going to go and life will not care about it. Life will throw things in there that just doesn’t make sense. But you know what? That’s great. It should put less pressure on you for trying to make things perfect and allow yourself to be more carefree and LIVE IN THE MOMENT.

Let things happen and keep learning. Continue to evolve and you’ll be well on your way to become the person you want to be…and the object of every woman’s desire.

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Goals & Expectations

Earlier today, I came across an article about Tyler Durden (played by Brad Pitt) and his amazing quotes from Fight Club. If you haven’t seen it, you need to find a way to see it because this is a movie that will get you motivated. One of his memorable quotes is one that I want to talk about today.

“This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time.”

That’s right, guys. After you read this, will have 5-10 minutes less to live your life. The significance with this quote is that when we go out and are so worried about being the perfect worker or the perfect friend or the perfect guy for women, we forget one thing.

No one can be perfect. No one.

Yes, throughout time, baseball pitchers have pitched perfect games and NFL teams have gone an entire regular season without losing even once, but that is in one specific period of time. That period of time will last forever but it’s history and the timeline continues. We need to come to the conclusion that we will never be perfect and the more you worry about trying to be, the less time you will have to just learn and evolve to be who you want to be.

You are going to make mistakes. You are going to fail sometimes. Stop being afraid of those things. Your fear is holding you back from truly succeeding and isn’t that what you want? Success?

In order to truly succeed, you will have to suffer through failure.

I don’t know about you but the more I fail at something, the more likely I will have a breakthrough that will ultimately lead me to my greatest success.

What does this all mean in terms of pick up and self-improvement? When you set goals for what you want out of the experience, your goals should be as specific as reasonably possible. For example, When my girlfriend dumped me a little over a year ago, I said to myself that I was going to work hard for the rest of my life learning to become a better person to prevent [what caused her to dump me] from happening ever again. And I will not stop until I find myself in a state where I can look back and fully believe that I have reached there.

The man I want to be is constantly evolving based on the experiences that I go through everyday I walk out of the front door of my house. Little, subtle changes that will eventually make up the man I will become. And a little over a year later, I can honestly say that I am WELL on my way to getting there. But believe me when I say that I failed many times and succeeded very few times to get where I am now. And that’s where the expectations come in. When you set any goal in life, ONLY expect two things.

  1. You’re going to fail and make mistakes.
  2. You will succeed.

This combines accepting the process and the hard work that is required to get where you want to be and having the focus and confidence in yourself to know that you will eventually get to that success.

You can apply that to every aspect in your life. I do.

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Vote For My Panel at #SXSW!

When I originally heard about SXSW, I was watching Diggnation and Kevin Rose and Alex Albrecht were talking about it and I had NO idea what it was. The next time I heard about it was from Gary Vaynerchuk. I had a better idea of what it was but NO clue how it could be beneficial for me being a dating coach. Then, I had lunch with Gary’s brother, AJ and he spent some time telling me how it could be beneficial for me. If at best, there would be quality networking, some collaboration and maybe a few clients. As strapped for cash as I was, AJ insisted that if I can go without filing for bankruptcy then I should do it. It was a spontaneous decision, but I did it anyway.

I was able to get a pass from Amy Greenlaw who was SO nice for hooking it up. I was able to get a round-trip plane ticket (one-stop) for under $300 about two weeks before the event. I also got an amazing hookup by being able to hang and crash with AJ and Gary – I didn’t know that until literally, the day of my flight down to Austin. The whole experience was incredible.

Going to SXSW changed the way I do almost everything when it comes to my business, how I network, how I engage and interact with new people and most importantly, how I can be most effective in creating a solid product. I can talk about all the other things that made SXSW great, like hanging out with Pete Cashmore (again), partying at a gay nightclub (we didn't know and partied anyway) hosted by Gary and swinging back a glass of wine with Jim Louderback, meeting people that are still my friends to this day (like my boy Sam Taggart and the awesome Leora Israel), meeting someone who became my girlfriend at the time and then sharing stories of our “younger hustle” late at night in the hotel room with the most amazing minds I have ever been around. Overall, I can honestly say that SXSW changed my life. Sounds dramatic but chances are, you haven’t been, so you wouldn’t fully understand. Believe me, it can be a life-changing experience.

Anyone who hasn’t gone should go. It’s an amazing experience and regardless of what happens, I am going in 2010. Ideally, I’d LOVE to speak there and share everything that I can with the people who are going there but I can’t fully determine that.

But YOU can!

I submitted a proposal to do a panel called “Social Media Konkatsu.” For those who are wondering what konkatsu means, it means “marriage hunting” (I knew my studying Japanese would come through at some point). I will focus on why it’s acceptable to indirectly use social media for dating and how you can use the skills you acquire from using social media to build amazing, healthy and very fulfilling OFFLINE relationships. These skills that I will introduce will not only help you network better, not only create and secure effecting business relationships but also help your dating life as well. It’s going to be a VERY fun panel and anyone who knows me or has seen me speak knows that I bring the energy and I bring the optimism. It would be an honor and an amazing sense of accomplishment for me to be able to speak at the same event that quintessentially changed my future. I would LOVE your support if you can pass this around and vote to get this panel on.

Here is the link to the actual page to vote but I am going to include the type so you can see what I am talking about.

Category:
Education, Online Relationships, Self-Help / Self-Improvement, Social Issues, Social Networking
Organizer:
Thomas Edwards, The Professional Wingman
Questions:
  1. Why has courtship gone out the window?
  2. Who is actually using online dating site more these days?
  3. How can using social media help your interactions offline?
  4. Why is important to understand the moving trend of dating?
  5. What is konkatsu?
  6. Why would it be in your best interest to pursue dating using social media?
  7. How shy people can use social media to overcome anxieites when building offline relationships?
  8. What is the history of online dating and it's success rate?
  9. How is online dating sites different from dating through social media?
  10. What social media sites are best for building offline relationships and dating?
Description:
Using social media for dating has become more acceptable today. The dating world has changed. There are people finding each other and getting married on Twitter! As we embrace this change, it’s important to know how using social media can help your chances of finding great relationships offline.

Tell as MANY people as possible about this and if you have any questions, leave comments here and on the site and I will answer them ALL! I REALLY want this!

Thank you in advance. You have all been amazing this far in the game and I am FAR from done. There’s still so much do to.

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Review of Bell in Hand

Address: 45 Union St. Boston, MA 02108

Website: http://www.bellinhand.com

Best Nights: Friday & Saturday

Who Goes There: During the week, older men, fewer women. Ages 30-40. On the weekend, younger people. Much more women. Ages 24-30.

Cost: $$

Special: None

BYFAD Location: No

The Bell in Hand Tavern is a pretty fun place. You know, there really isn’t much to it. There’s a small bar on one side with a few TVs for games. On the other side, there’s another bar with an open space for a live band that plays a few times a week. Then you can go upstairs to another bar with an even bigger space, which is usually open on the weekends for DJs and some dancing (there is a $10 cover on the weekend, which can be a downer).

I’ve been there a few times and I haven’t really been able to find anything unique about it. As far as I’m concerned, it’s just another option in the variety of places on Union Street. Maybe others can tell me what can make this place amazing. On the bright side, you can meet people here. The environment can bring some anxiety if you’re nervous about approaching women (or guys for that matter) but you can still do it. People are more social here than meets the eye.

A good time overall, though. Nothing crazy about this place but a fun time gets this place a C+ (79).


Pros
Plenty of space
Good music
Live bands
You can actually meet women

Cons
Nothing special
$10 cover on the weekends

If you have any questions about the place, feel free to check out their site:

http://www.bellinhand.com

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My Cousin's Wedding - A Growing Up Series Part 2 of 2

This is continuation of the growing up series I started last week. There was a lot of information there that I wanted people to take in and since then, I have been able to relax, re-focus on what I need to do and come back stronger than ever. Here are some more of my thoughts, let me know what you think.

In perspective, we will truly never know whom we’ll end up with. He or she can be someone from the present, the past or the future. But we won’t really understand that until we have a chance to look back. Clearly, this kind of thinking may not be beneficial for some. But for the way I think, it’s important that I remind myself of that so that I don’t get stuck in the past and can make the best of my present for the best future possible. Sometimes, we get caught up thinking something HAS to be when it doesn’t have to be at all. Like I’ve said before, life doesn’t care about your plan.

Family will always be a big part of my life. No matter where I am and what I am doing in my life, I will do my best to keep my family around. They had the responsibility of bringing me up – a task that I must say was a hard one – and they all have always been my biggest fans. Seeing my aunt so happy to see her son get married is something I can’t wait to share with my own parents. They have done so much and continue to do so to see that I become the man I want to be and for that, I am eternally grateful.

There is a time and place for everything. For the people who feel hopeless when it comes to dating or may have had their heart broken at some point in their life, once again, it’s important to keep things in perspective. Time will NOT let you go. Like I say, sometimes, things cannot work out because of timing. Sometimes, you may not be ready and don’t even realize it. Other times, there are other circumstances that will just not make a relationship progress. Whatever it is, you have to continue to do your best and not to be hard on yourself. I told one of my clients the other day that as much as your past experiences have brought you to where you are today, it’s important that you give the next person that comes around a fair chance. If you don’t, you may be setting yourself up for self-sabotage, which I personally think is one of the major reasons why most people are single today.

One of the most powerful things in this world is forgiveness. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. We only get one shot at life. There isn’t a practice round and there’s no run-through. We are ALL going to make mistakes. And like social media, business and anything else in life, it’s all about how you respond. What have you learned? How are you going to bounce back? What’s your first step forward on your road to recovery? Have some pride in who you are and be determined to live the life that you truly believe you deserve.

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My Cousin's Wedding - A Growing Up Series

On Sunday, my cousin got married. It’s been a VERY long time since I’ve been to a wedding. In fact, it may have been over 5 years since I have been to one. 5 years ago, my thinking of everything was VERY different. As I have been going through some changing times dealing with family, personal and business issues – basically life – every experience that I have had recently has just put everything in perspective. Forgive me for being a little mellow with this series of posts. I hope that re-opening my heart and myself a little will provide some gems to take with you after reading this.

This series is called Growing Up because it doesn’t matter how old you are, you will always have some growing up to do. The only time you’re not growing is when you’re not breathing.

I almost didn’t go to the wedding, especially when my all-time wingman, my father, told me that he wasn’t going to go. But considering everything, I figured at best I could go there, see some family, see my cousin, his newlywed and spend the rest of the night drinking with my cousin, Kam. Why not?

The wedding took place outside. It was short and it was really sweet. I wish I had a pen and paper to write down the words that were said during the ceremony. They were profound in every way. Seeing my cousin fidget and his hands shaking as he’s holding the woman he’s going to marry was fun to watch. And then, I saw the look on his face. He was smiling the whole time. Granted, he smiles even if he’s scared shitless, you can tell that there was no other place he wanted to be. Right there, in front of her, giving her the ultimate vow of friendship, honesty and love. And it made me think of many things. It’s a lot so don’t be surprised if you see multiple posts come out of this.

Some of you ask me what my experience in relationships is. As some of you know, I have never been married – but most of you don’t know that I have been pretty damn close to proposing to a girl. With the chance to look back, I’m glad it didn’t happen since I had NO clue what I was doing but with all of my clients, I hope to be able to help them with most aspects of the relationship timeline leading up to the proposal. I am not a marriage expert. I am a dating coach, because quite frankly, that’s all I know, and I’m okay with that. A year or two from now, I would love to be able to tell people that I am responsible for many of my client’s future spouses.

One thing that I wanted to point out is that the fulfilling feeling of starting a new chapter of the rest of your life together with someone you unconditionally love will be worth the wait. Seeing the looks on both of their faces told me everything that I wanted to know. Sometimes, when you talk to someone about how they feel about their significant other, there is a chance you can sense doubt, uncertainty or anything else that’s less than total happiness. At the last wedding I remember going to years ago, I saw fear, I saw doubt, I saw things that didn’t represent that total happiness. Consequently, that marriage didn’t last long (not that I am claiming I saw it coming). I didn’t see that with my cousin and his wife. I saw two best friends that fed off of each other, made each other happy and KNEW that they were meant for each other. That’s something I’m willing to wait for. And you should to, depending on where you are in your life. Even if time is ticking, I personally don’t think people should be in a rush. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. But whatever happens, don’t ever think that you are meant to be alone. No need to rush or force the issue. It’s something that we all deserve and will get if we truly believe it.

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