Nights with Steve: Drinking

This continues my Nights with Steve series. To learn more about this series, click here.


I remember when I first heard my dad explain to his friends what I did for a living.

“He gets paid to drink.”

After an attempt to correct him, he modified it.

“He gets paid to go out with people and drink with them.”

A failed attempt.

Regardless, drinking does happen when I’m out with clients. When you go to a bar, it’s 100% designed for you to spend money -- mostly on drinks. Over the course of a night, drinks will be a major factor in how you act around people. From “liquid courage” to buying a round for the ladies across the bar, I’ve seen it all.

Then there are some who take it to the next level. Steve likes to drink as much as the next guy, but when he gets nervous around women, he tends to drink a lot in order to ease his anxiety.

In theory, it works, but what happens after is what you would tend -- or wish -- to forget.

On a recent session out with Steve, he was having a hard time approaching women. He’s had success before but just couldn’t get himself in the right state of mind that night. He decided he needed a have a drink to calm his nerves.

After a rum and coke, he was able to successfully approach the first woman of the night. I can see the gears turn in his head; he equated having a drink as the means to approach women. I warned him while working together, it’s important to limit drinking so you can better understand what you’re learning and control the sober version of you in a social-charged environment like a bar or lounge.

For the sake of transparency, when I work with clients, we agree to limit our drinking to two drinks a session to really push you in your "sober" mindset. Steve understood that but because he thought having drinks would help his success with women, he couldn’t give it up.

The more he drank, the looser he was, and the more he approached women. The guy became an approaching phenom. Women were responding well and he was getting excited. Things were going great.

Then, the night took a gradual turn as Steve began to get drunk. His words began to slur. His body language became poor as he was hunched over and projected lower energy. Also, his selection of quality, compatible women degraded as his judgment did.

While we were talking with a group of women, eventually, one was repulsed by how he was acting and told him to get away. A little belligerent at this point, Steve said some not so nice things in response. What happened marked the first time I’ve seen a guy physically get pushed out of an interaction with a group of women. I walked over to ask the ladies what happened.

“He was drunk and sloppy -- not a sexy look. How are you able to handle your liquor and he can’t?”

“I don’t rely on liquor to have a good time,” I responded and walked away to look after Steve.

When I approached him, I didn’t even have to open my mouth before he told me, “dude, I’m not drinking when we’re working together anymore.”

When we drink, the alcohol taps into our subconscious and brings out who we think is the best version of ourselves -- and in a few cases, this is true. We’re less uptight, more confident, and social. But with every upside of drinking, it comes with its fair share of side effects.

Impaired judgment, loss of coordination, inability to articulate words and maintaining posture -- wouldn’t it be better to learn how to be that awesome confident person sober, while avoiding the side effects of being drunk? As you get used to being in socially-pressured environments, you soon realize that alcohol has ZERO effect on your ability to approach and connect with women. YOU DO.

This isn't meant to be a public service announcement. But if there's anything you can learn from Steve, don’t let alcohol be your crutch when meeting women or working on your social skills. It’ll end up not only hurting your development, but also your wallet and regrettably, your head in the morning.

Wingman Approved or Unapproved? You Decide.

Buying a Woman Drinks


Clients ask me this all the time and I am going to put it to rest NOW. When it comes to buying a woman a drink, NEVER BUY A WOMAN A DRINK.

I know women out there are upset and that’s ok. I don’t care. There are reasons why I say this. It’s all about context. And here’s why.

Wingman Unapproved

Don’t buy a girl a drink within five seconds after meeting her. While no woman will REALLY refuse a free drink (in fact, women spend little amounts at bars for this reason alone), the moment you offer her one, it’ll only mean one thing. Even if this is not what you are trying to say, you are still saying this,

“You are hot. I know nothing about you, but I am willing to buy you a drink in hopes that I can validate myself to you. Also, you’ll be a little more liquored up and so maybe more likely to let a guy like me talk to you.”

It’s pathetic. You buy the drink, she takes it and then stands there, hoping that you’ll just walk away. She’s not really going to walk away until the drink is finished because she feels bad and it’s rude so she’s willing to give you at least the time it takes her to finish the drink. Yeah, you can win her over in that time, I suppose, but you’ve already put the odds against you from the start.

Also, don’t offer the girl you like a drink and not her friends. That is just not cool. If you ever want to be cockblocked, pull this move and it’ll be 100% effective. Why would you NOT offer her friends a drink? Is she THAT special that only SHE deserves the benefit of getting a drink from you out of the entire group? Want to know what you say then?

“I’m a douchebag.”

Either of these moves will be a #fail.


Wingman Approved

If you must buy her a drink, if she’s with a group, you are buying everyone a round. Personally, if you have the ulterior motive of trying to get with the girl, it’s not worth the investment of buying everyone a drink. BUT, if what you are trying to say is,

“You guys are cool, let me buy a round for you guys,”

and you actually mean it, then it’ll look SO much better.

Another situation of buying a girl a drink would be if you two were alone, whether isolated from friends or going over to another bar that night. Obviously, it’s been insinuated that the two of you would like to get to know each other in more of an intimate environment. If you are going to buy yourself a drink, it makes sense then to buy her one as well. It’s a good gesture and because you two have already gotten to know each other a little bit, the thought expressed above will less likely run through her head. Why? Because now you are having conversation over a drink as opposed to drinking over a conversation.


Pretty simple guys. Save your money or spend it on yourself.

*Wingman Approved/Unapproved is for entertainment purposes only. This is NOT advice and is only produced to evoke fun discussion and conversation. Misinterpretation of this as advice and using it in a social environment may result in brutal rejection, a drink thrown at you, a punch in the face and/or a huge social value drop. The Professional Wingman is not responsible for such misinterpretation.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the feed to receive future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Do You Want to Empowering Your Love Life?

If so, sign up for The State of the Wingman newsletter for free dating tips and exclusive content! Also receive my free eBook, The Other Twenty Percent - The Starter Guide for Instant Dating Success. One of the easiest and effective ways to see dating improvement.


The Boys & Girls Guide to Getting Down

When I came home the other night, I flipped on the TV as I normally do to have some background noise as I get myself ready for bed. Then I heard some ridiculous statements about picking up women. When I checked the info, it said,

“The Boys & Girls Guide to Getting Down. A Tongue-in-cheek look at 20-something singles clubbing and partying in L.A.; it's organized into 15 chapters from overview and preparation to partying and the morning after.”

I was very interested to keep watching. I ended up staying up until 4 AM but let me tell you, it is one VERY funny movie. If you can have a good sense of humor about dating and hooking up, you’ll enjoy this movie. The tagline made it worth watching alone.

A real life guide to sex, drugs, & bad behavior.

Not to spoil anything for you, this movie is loaded with diagrams, charts, scenarios, voice-over narration, and actual research experiments. It’s pretty well organized by the way they do the chapters. Literally, from nightlife preparation to the morning after (if you were to get that far), it was just an amusing and somewhat informational movie to watch.

The situations that they discuss are either right on or completely unrealistic. But either way, some interesting points are made; all while making you laugh, gasp, think, question and laugh some more.

It’s not an award-winner by any means, but certainly worth watching.

Here’s the IMBd link for all of the information.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the feed to receive future articles delivered to your feed reader.