The More “Touchy” Part of Dating: Sex & Virgins

For most guys, this is a very important goal when it comes to dating. Some would like to gain a girlfriend – maybe a wife. Others would just like the ability to date many women. Others would like to seduce women into having sex. Whatever your goal is, when it comes down to it, sex is something that is important to any man – getting it ( a lot ) and being good at it.

 

But before we get into all of that good stuff, let’s talk about something we all were at some point in our lives (and still are, for some). Being a virgin .

It seems like it’s very rare to come across a virgin, unless they’re in their very low teens – and even then it might be hard, considering how early kids can get access to sexual activity (online porn, watching TV, magazines, etc.). I personally have a lot of respect for a virgin that is able to not give in to the temptation of sex. It really doesn’t matter where you are, sex is thrown in your face all the time. I mean, I have the TV on and I glanced up and all I saw was a large set of breasts (FYI it was the Discovery Channel). I mean, it was good timing on my part but that just also shows you that you can’t avoid it. So for someone to ignore those things is pretty impressive, regardless of their reason.

 

Now should virginity have monetary value? If you read my posts on Natalie Dylan and Raffaela Fico, you know what I am talking about: Selling your virginity for absurd amounts of money. I guess in a capitalist world, it makes sense, but it’s still considered a form of prostitution (although, legal) since you are selling sex – and no, also being taken out for dinner and a movie doesn’t make it different.

 

So I was thinking about it and had different perspectives. Guys clearly couldn’t do this. Maybe if you were a celebrity, you would have a slight chance. But as a guy, you should know that we don’t get as much access to women as women do to guys so for us to charge for sex would be pretty silly. But recently, I came across something pretty interesting.

 

Now, as far as I know, I have not taken any woman’s virginity. A little disappointing since I really haven’t felt the emotional and sexual bond with a woman after taking her virginity – that, in my opinion, would be pretty special. Of course, when I had my virginity taken I had that emotion (and it was wonderful) but it was one-sided. But, one thing that was pretty intriguing was that for most of the women I have had sexual relationships with; I was able to make them achieve their first real orgasm. I didn’t think this was a big deal until I read somewhere that women rarely achieve an orgasm during intercourse. I found this to be pretty interesting.

 

Not to say that I have the magic touch – but what if I do? What if I have the ability to make a woman experience not just any orgasm, but making her feel something unlike anything else they’re ever experienced – for a long time, every time? Would I have high market value? Could I sell this as a “gift,” just like the “gift” of being a virgin? It is an interesting perspective to think about.

 

But I think in either situation, I think what is important is the experience . Sex is supposed to be fun , sensual and exhilarating . I think if there is one thing that I would tell virgins about having sex for the first time is that they should just live in the moment. Savor every feeling. Take your time. Revel in the fact that this is without a doubt the best feeling you’re having right now and you’re having it for the first time. And then when you’re done, remember that it won’t be the last.

 

For me, having sex for the first time opened me up as an extremely sociable person. There was this new sense of confidence that I never felt before. It was amazing. Nothing could stop me and I was untouchable. I just felt amazing. Plus, that sexual experience was something very special to me. An experience worth remembering for a lifetime.

 

The closest thing I could compare it to would be the feeling you get after a workout at the gym. When you know you had a great workout, you look and feel great. Your confidence peaks and you have this sudden urge to go and be sociable because you feel like you’re looking your best. I feel like sex is like that…but on a stratospheric level.

 

When you think about it, sex can generate a string of emotions that can be rare for some people to experience. That alone gives it significant value, and explains why so many people so after it. That’s why people can sell sex. But monetary value for people who have no sexual experience? We’ll have to see how that plays out.

This post is part of a roundtable series on virginity as started by Honey and Lance. I will be linking to other posts below during the week. Feel free to chime in yourself and leave a comment over at honeyandlance.com.

 

Do or Do Not. There Is No Try.

I came across this quote the other day and it sparked an unknown feeling inside of me. I have never felt this way before. Or maybe I have and did not recognize it until now. Let me explain.

When you have a decision to make and you are unsure of the outcome, when you make up your mind to TRY something, certain emotions run through your body. When you TRY something, your expectations lie on a spectrum, ranging from “not going to work out” to “going to work out.” You go through all these feelings of “what if it does, or doesn’t work.” You think of worst-case and best-case scenarios. Bad scenarios make you feel hesitant and less confident, while good scenarios make you excited, determined and more confident. These feelings are constantly wavering on the spectrum as you approach your decision.

At the point when you actually make your decision to TRY that exact position on that spectrum is the one that you physically portray through your voice, body language and facial expression. If you’re on the lower end of the spectrum, your decision going to show through your body language and chances are, you will get those associated results (worst-case scenarios). However it does happen that you do get positive results despite being on that side of the spectrum. I feel as though that’s where the emotion of surprise comes in. Your body didn’t expect the positive results but they happened anyway.

On the flip side, if you are on the higher end of the spectrum, you will likely get positive results. Notice that when it actually happens, you’re not as surprised about it because you’re body and mind expected the positive outcome. Now if something bad happened, the element of surprise comes in again, but not the good kind, of course.

The reason for this elaborate and wordy explanation is because when you make a decision, you need to eliminate doubt from your mind. You need to be at either extreme end of the spectrum. When it’s time to make a decision, you need to either DO it, or NOT DO it – and stick to it. Any inkling of doubt, and you’re back to wavering on the spectrum.

This not only applies to women, but in life. Anything you approach in life is a DO or DO NOT. Want to learn to play a guitar? DO it. Want to talk to that hot female you’ve been ogling the past couple weeks? DO it. Don’t feel like working a 9-5 job anymore? DO NOT DO it. There is NO element of TRY in life. That word was just created to let people make excuses if things weren’t to go the way they wanted. You decide that you’re going to do something and you DO it! Doesn’t matter how long it takes. If you REALLY want to achieve that goal, you are going to do it. There’s nothing else to it.

In that extreme spectrum of thought, there is no doubt. You ONLY see best-case scenarios. When you get the results, you’re not surprised because you EXPECT those results. After a while, anything is possible and you decide what you do and do not do. Some others refer it to as having complete control of your life.

All of this takes time. You have to train your mind to be on that side of the spectrum until you reach the extreme. Don’t let others tell you otherwise. You are remembered by others by what you DO, not what you don’t do. What you DO is up to you.

Meet Raffaella Fico. That'll Cost You $1.5 Million.

As If I didn’t see this happening.

So look who is also deciding to sell her virginity.

Meet Raffaella Fico.

A gorgeous 20-year old Italian is selling her v-card for the sum of 1 million euros. Yeah, that’s right. 1 million euros. With our crappy economy and currency exchange, that is about $1.5 million US. What does she want to use the money for? You know, the usual. She wants to buy a house and take acting lessons (she was on the Italian version of Big Brother’s last season, so she has aspirations).

In a short word, ridonculous.

I found what Natalie Dylan was doing pretty crazy but at least her money is going to education and college debt. This one just wants money. I mean, think about this. Do you know the kind of life one can have with $1.5 million? I’m pretty sure I could get plenty of 20-year-old Italian virgins with my beachfront property alone without having to buy their v-cards from them.

In a time where money is scarce, this would be the equivalent of purchasing a Ford Edsel.

Credit the picture from Lance’s post about this same topic.

Latest Posts



An Overview of the Financial Crisis - This is an important read! Find out about the specifics of the financial crisis through this article from the Wall Street Journal.


The Club Game Isn't Reality and That's a Great Thing - Listen, the clubs aren't accurate depictions of the real world. Here's how to make it to your advantage.


Natalie Dylan. Need I Say More? - If you don't know who she is, it might be worth it find out. You won't believe what she is trying to do.


A Rejection Success Story - Here's a pretty good story about how I got rejected...pretty badly.

Monthly Style Inspiration from Jae

I just came across this from Kinowear, a blog devoted to style. Here, he talks about this month's inspirations from some of the top celebrities right now. I'm sure you can find a little bit of you in one of these people. If not, try and create an identity for yourself and associate yourself with one of these people. It's a hell of a start.

Here's the actual blog post.

So what’s the fastest way to improve my image?

Many guys ask me to show them the right path to get on towards finding their best style. One thing I always tell them is to consistently model after stylish people they admire.

Women do this all the time, and it’s the reason why the majority of them look damn good. They look at pictures of the best dressed in the magazines and on the internet, notice how every other woman is dressed out on the streets, and when they’re with friends they are either complimenting them on their fashion, sharing the latest trends, asking each other where they bought this or that, and even spend time shopping together giving each other opinions and what looks good and which things make them look fat.

This is what is really missing with guys, and it sabotages us. In this age, image cannot be an afterthought. We all know how important the impressions we make are in every setting.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression

If you want to become a stylish guy, it doesn’t take a lot effort to start focusing on finding some inspiration to improve. Anytime you see a stylish guy out in the street or restaurant, try to pinpoint and pick out what makes him look good. Take notes in your mind. This is crucial. If it’s his clothes, notice what he’s wearing and how he has put his outfit together. If something is not right, figure out what looks wrong and what he could change to improve. If you’re not already doing this you should start for your own benefit.

If you can’t find any guys to model after in person, there is a plethora of magazines and pictures on the web that you can get inspiration from.

When you see something you like, try to immediately add it to your wardrobe, personality, or appearance.

This is what successful men do, they are always looking to improve themselves in any way.

So let’s get to it.

This Month’s Inspiration

These are some examples that have inspired my clients to add that needed element to their swagger and you can use these examples for yourself now. Maybe something will speak to you, and you’ll go apply it right away.

Known to be bringing back the “gentleman” that’s in all of us, Fonzworth Bentley reminds us that it’s important to hold a certain amount of grace and proper etiquette. He even wrote a book on etiquette and style. Fonzworth is the type of guy that advocates standing up when a woman enters the room.

He should remind us to never throw out your basic manners just because you’re out with close people. That means be aware that spitting, burping, talking with your mouth full, or answering cell phones during a dinner with someone are all things that people will attribute to who you are.

You are what you do. Period.

Be a gentleman around women and they’ll love you for it. Nowadays guys are afraid to say “please,” “excuse me” and “thank you” because they’re afraid it’ll make them seem weak. Being a gentleman means respecting other people, and that does not make you a wuss. So don’t hold off on these things. We all know it’s not what you say, it’s how you’re saying it. If you’re always trying to please people instead of just having a healthy level of respect for your fellow man, that makes you a wuss. But being respectful and showing that you have a concern for other people’s comfort makes you a cool guy.

The Jonas Brothers seem to be more popular than ever because I see their pictures everywhere. I noticed that these boys have some hip style to them and there are some outfits and looks that you may want to steal from them. These guys are definitely dressed by stylists and their use of colors, accessories, and the way they put together their outfits down to the details is something that should be observed carefully.

I’m a fan of Maroon 5, and I laugh whenever I see Adam Levine because he used to be a plain t-shirt and jeans type of guy, and then he really took his image to the next level as his band starting getting more popular. Hey, it’s all about branding right? Anyways, this is a great look that you can steal for a night out to the club this weekend. One thing I’d definitely make sure you own is a solid dark pair of jeans like this which are always more dressier than a lighter pair of jeans or ones that have been distressed. Put away the jeans with holes and crazy washes, and go for something solid and clean to dress up your outfit while keeping it from getting too formal.

I know the “hoodie layered under a jacket” is not a new look, but I just think this outfit Ne-Yo is wearing is so great for a casual night out. This outfit has perfect balance. He’s got a leather jacket that gives him some bad boy edge and lightens it up with subtle color through his matching zip-up hoodie and belt. The hat and the necklace definitely add the right touch of personality. Steal this look for your casual nights out.

Sometimes David Beckham can be too metro for the normal guy’s taste but then there are times where he has the perfect balance of masculinity and feminity. He’s wearing a long sweater coat with a scarf but keeps the masculine balance with his distressed jeans and boots. Remember to keep this type of balance in your outfits. Don’t be afraid to grab “feminine” pieces to add to your wardrobe. Think ahead when purchasing clothes and picture what masculine pieces you can mix it with. I see too many guys just grabbing “masculine” pieces like heavy graphic stuff, and they look too busy and try hard with no class.

This blazer Kanye is wearing still makes him stand out and get noticed, but he doesn’t overdo it. Remember that when you’re wearing a flashy piece like this, you want the rest of your outfit to be very understated and simple.

Pete Wentz is known for always wearing a hoodie, but whenever I see him wearing one it’s loud and fun to match his personality. If you love hoodies, consider getting one in a bright color or cool design. If any part of your personality can relate to this “punk” style, search for some similar hoodies and steal this look.

You should see a picture like this and get inspired to get a velvet blazer. Not inspired? Well it works amazing as a fall jacket that you can wear at anytime of the day. Wear one with a plain shirt and jeans during the day, and with a dress shirt and slacks to an evening party. Very versatile, very elegant.

If you don’t own a pocket square, something is seriously wrong with you. Just kidding. But if you wear a suit to work, even if you don’t wear ties to the office, get a pocket square to add some pizazz to your look. Try it, you’ll be surprised at how many nice compliments you get.

I love wearing dress shirts all the time, but with a pair of slacks and a black belt it could look like you just got off work. In certain settings, this may not be the look you’re going for. All you have to do is get a white belt and open another button if you’re daring and now you look like you’re ready to party. Going straight from the office to meet with friends? Keep a white belt in your car and you have an easy outfit change.

Conclusion

Look for inspiration everywhere you can. People in the street, magazines, music videos, celebrity photos, to advertisements. Great style is everywhere if you keep an eye out for it.

Nick Savoy Talks About Dating

If you don't know who Nick Savoy is, you NEED to. He is one of the geniuses behind pickup and he has video posts, his own blog and even a couple books out there. Here are two video posts. One is about the myth behind approaching women. Despite what you think, they actually do enjoy being approached:



In this one, he talks about how spending money can affect the direction of the relationship. Being cheap is not the way to go...but showering them in money may not help you either:

A Rejection Success Story

I’ve been reading all over the web of people sharing their rejection stories. I figured I might as well post mine and explain how being rejected is the best thing in the world.

I know it’s going to happen. Not every woman is going to click with you. They might be having a bad day. Or they legitimately have a boyfriend that they are faithful to. Maybe they just aren’t in the mood for that kind of thing for the day (or night). It’s cool to be optimistic and I believe that you should feel as though you can get every woman you want. You should and you can! Sometimes, it just isn’t at that moment.

But the cool thing is once you get the initial rejection out of the way, you already know what it is like and it can only get better from that point. Just get it over with and move on. Sometimes, I’ll purposely get blown out of a set just so I can get the first rejection over with and then go on with the night. It’s great what could happen afterwards. Which leads to my story.

So the other night, I went to a dance party. The DJ was ok. He was playing a lot of salsa music, which was fine with me because I know how to salsa a little bit (thanks to Mr. Luis and his Calculus-turned-into-Salsa class). There a few good looking girls there between the ages of 20 and 22. So as I’m just hanging out, my buddy comes to me and says, “Hey, let’s go talk to those girls over there in the corner.” Without hesitation, I said, “Sure.”

I turn around and I see two pretty ok looking girls by one of the speakers. One of them was texting on her phone and the other was just looking around. My buddy goes to the one farther from us so that I can approach the one that was closer, since I was positioned behind him.

I walked up, smiled and said, “What’s –“

Yeah, you read that right. I barely got a word off and the woman put her hand up and walked over behind her friend as my buddy was talking to her. She almost had that frightened look on her face. I immediately thought it was funny and started laughing. So I turned around and faced the other direction while my buddy finished his conversation that was going nowhere fast.

So originally, my thinking used to be, “Wow, is that how the night is going to be?” These days, it’s, “Where’s the hottest girl here?” So I actually didn’t find her but I did find someone that I thought was worth approaching. But before I could say a word, she approached me.

“Hey! I saw you over there talking to those girls. Do you know them? Who are you with?”

I answered briefly and truthfully.

“That’s cool. What’s your name?”

I asked for her name and she complied.

“I like that name. You wanna dance?”

So, before I said yes, I grabbed her hand and told her, “Come with me.”

I proceeded to walk her to the middle of the floor, clearly with the girl who rejected me in sight. We danced and it was fun. There was some groping but fortunately for her, it wasn’t on my part. That went on for about 10 minutes. We talked briefly but it was playful chatter. We parted ways and I went to find my buddy who was having is own success, in the form of being in the middle of a dance circle surrounded by women.

Later on that night as we were leaving, the girl who rejected me came up to me and asked me where I was going. I inevitably told her what we all would say in that situation.

“Home. Want to come?”

Apparently that was the funniest thing I could have said to her as she exploded laughing. I kept walking off as she was trying to still talk to me but fortunately, her friends got her attention.

So the simple moral of the story is this. You can get a pretty bad blowout. And then get a really great success. So much that the person who rejected may even regret it. Don’t take it personal and don’t let it get to you. She doesn’t know you and you don’t know her well enough to let it impact your life. Just stick to your instincts and have fun. Which is really the point of this entire thing. Having fun!

Go out there and get it over with!

The Club Game Isn’t Reality and That’s a Good Thing

Think about it. Is there any other place on this planet that resembles a club-like atmosphere like a club does? Where woman flock to hang out, have drinks, party and lose their inhibitions? The club has a very close similarity to a video game. There are plenty of players, obstacles and certainly plenty of levels. What’s also so great is that a reset button does exist. The clubs are so far from reality as possible. You think these women dress and act like this all the time?

When you are in a club and an interaction doesn’t go as planned, you can always leave the interaction and go start a new one. The odds that you will see this person again outside of the venue are so slim. Plus, it is also likely that these women are approached more at a club than anywhere else. She won’t remember you. So don’t worry. If you mess up, she’s already forgotten about it. You just need to forget it.

I think clubs and bars are the best place to at least try and talk to women. You will get the most rejections and the most successes early on. There will always be a concentrated about of women of all different types. You don’t have to travel far to talk to different women and there are so many people around engrossed in their own world that you don’t have to worry about people listening in on your conversation. It’s also the hardest way to meet and attract women. When women are out looking their best, they expect to be approached by the best. It’s like the Ivy League of game. You won’t even make it to the interview if your first impression is sub-par.

I personally am not a fan of clubs. There are too many things going on in the atmosphere, like loud music, boyfriends, cock-blocks (also referred to as Mother Hens) and tight spaces; and I don’t feel like fighting through them when I can approach many girls in other venues much more easily. But that doesn’t mean that when I do actually go to clubs that I am a wallflower. Here is something that I do when I decide to go out with friends to clubs.

If I know that this place is going to have loud music, it’s going to be hard to generate conversation inside so what I will do is hang out outside of the club and talk to people. Just because they’re hanging outside doesn’t mean that they necessarily smoke, guys.

Just go out and have conversation like you would any other place. Talk to the bouncer, people going into the club and people coming out of the club. Nothing serious, just playful chatter. Remember, everyone here is here to have a good time. Every so often, you will have a good interaction with a few ladies. If you want, you can play a name game with them so that every time they see you, they have to scream your name or else they buy you a drink – and vice versa, of course. Just enjoy the interaction.

If things go well, when you walk back into the club, you will have different people and different places seeing you and wanting to talk to you. If you played the game, you’ll have women screaming your name and looking to hang out with you. If that’s not the definition of social proof then I don’t know what is. As a bonus, if they thought you were cool, you could go over to any group and they will automatically be open because one person in the group already knows you and approves.

These tips will make club game much easier and enjoyable for you. Go out and have some fun!

A Different Approach to Talking to Women

So I was thinking about this the other day and have tried this out to see if this has any external or internal affects. And it has worked without fail. Here’s the concept:

Alternating between talking to men and talking to women.

We all have our little things about ourselves that will prevent us from doing certain things. It all leads to approach anxiety. It’s natural and there’s really nothing you can do to get rid of it. BUT you can train yourself to be numb to those feelings to the point of just ignoring them. This can be applied especially to approach anxiety.

But think about this. As a guy, when have you ever been nervous about talking to another guy? When you go out to a bar next time, strike up conversation with the first guy you see. Now realize how frustrated you are because you talked to that guy to your left without any hesitation and you still can’t talk to the hot blonde sitting to your right.

Or can you?

When we have interactions, depending on how they go will depend on the likeliness we’ll strike up another random conversation with someone else, regardless of sex. It all comes down to momentum. For example, if you were to go out and give high-fives to everyone that you see, try to gauge how you feel as you get some and not get some. You may three in a row and feel awesome. Then someone tells you to go away and you lose some of that momentum. Then you get another one and you’re feeling good again. Then maybe you get another 6! That’s awesome! Then someone ignores you. At that point, you’ve had so many great high-fives that it doesn’t even matter that they ignored you. They’re definitely missing out on that high-five!

Same thing applies to talking to people. If you have a great conversation with a guy and energy is great, try and transfer that energy to a woman and see how it works out. You don’t even have to change conversation really (unless you’re talking about something that women would be offended by). See how that interaction goes. If it’s good, you’re going to feel good and want to continue to share the wealth.

Maybe it goes sour and she doesn’t really want to talk to you. She’s definitely missing out. Go talk to another guy or woman and recreate that spark you had inside. Or go back to someone that you previously talked to. Once it’s there again, talk to another hottie. Keep doing this until the positive vibes you have inside and out are consistent. This will prove many things.

1. You can talk to men and women the same way. This will inevitably get rid of that “pedestal theory” we have when we first meet attractive women.

2. You will create social proof in the room because you are seen talking to different people. Even more social proof if women see you talking to other women.

3. You will be as comfortable with women you don’t know as you are with men you don’t know. This will take a very long time but practice makes perfect to get over that anxiety.

4. You become a social dynamo and aren’t just going out to talk to women. You are talking to other guys as well and are seen as a networker, not creepy. Most people as know this as, “working a room.”

It can prove other things too but the rewards are endless. You become more sociable. You might come across new guy friends that you can hang out with on a regular basis. Maybe you’ll come across some new girl friends that will introduce you to other cool, and hot friends of theirs. You might even meet some cool people that can help you or hook you up out outside of the venue. I remember I met a guy who worked at another lounge and told me to stop by and check it out. When I stopped by, I was able to go right in the front of the line (which was massive) and got treated fairly well by everyone who worked there.

So try doing this and let me know how this goes. You will definitely notice that your feelings and energy level will fluctuate as you talk to more people. And hopefully when you alternate between men and women you will notice it even more. I would also recommend taking chances and disrupting the pattern. And I don’t mean talking to two guys in a row.

Natalie Dylan. Need I Say More?

So as of right now, there are three things people are talking about.

The economy.

The election.

Natalie Dylan.

Yes. Natalie Dylan. Wait. You haven’t heard of her? Well that’s a shame. To the many that already know about her, I’m just going to do a quick summary about her so we all can be in the loop.

Natalie Dylan, if that’s her real name (it’s not), is a graduate student of Sacramento State University. She is auctioning off her virginity for $250,000. If you’re wondering if this is illegal, it’s not. Bunny Ranch is handling the transaction (Nevada).

You can see her "ad" here.

Yeah, I know – my words exactly.

How crazy is this? I mean, when you think about it, this is the perfect moneymaking scheme. She’s not even that hot – a struggling 7.5 at best. But you know someone is going to front the money for wining, dining and sexing. Can you imagine college girls putting up posts around campus looking for someone to take their v-cards for the steep price of their cost of college education?

Could you imagine guys doing this?

I am just very curious to see what others think about this. Is it smart? Degrading to women? Dangerous?

I don't know about you, but this would be great conversation opener for anyone.