Giving and Taking: The Win/Win or No Deal Philosophy of Relationships

This is the last part of a series that I have been doing about the different paradigms of human interaction and relationships.

These paradigms are based on Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Here are the other parts of the series.

Win/Win or No Deal

We are going to end with the Win/Win or No Deal philosophy.

“I only want to go for Win/Win. I want to win, and I want you to win. I wouldn’t want to get my way and have you not feel good about it, because downstream it would eventually surface and create a withdrawal. On the other hand, I don’t think you would feel good if you got your way and I gave in. So let’s work for a Win/Win. Let’s really hammer it out. And if we can’t find it, then let’s agree that we won’t make a deal at all. It would be better not to deal than to live with a decision that wasn’t right for us both. Then maybe another time we might be able to get together.”

The whole concept of Win/Win or No Deal is usually best applied to business relationships but in the kind of reality you’d like to create, anything less than Win/Win is not going to be beneficial to long-term relationships. What is hard in relationships is being able to accept the No Deal, because we confuse that as Lose/Lose. Being able to have this mentality requires a very high level of maturity, understanding and a great deal of listening and communication skills.

If you get a grasp on this, you will achieve such a level of emotional freedom and avoid so many conflicts down the road. This mentality also can be applied to the beginning stages of any relationship to give you the same emotional freedom and make you no longer needy.

Using the elements of Win/Win, if you can’t come to a good resolution, you should be able to accept No Deal and find an alternative. While great at the beginning of a relationship, it becomes harder and harder to accept a No Deal, especially when more feelings and emotional investment are involved. This is where compromise comes in. While compromise – which can be considered a secondary level of Win/Win – may appear to be Win/Win, it tends to end up being Win/Lose or Lose/Win in reality.

Of course, there will be times in a relationship when No Deal cannot work. For example, if she REALLY needs you for something and it could be very inconvenient for you but you know what? You have to do it, because you care for her and want her to be happy. Instead of thinking about how inconvenient it is and how that negative thinking makes you unhappy, reframe it and think about how happy she’ll be, how much fun you MAY have and how she’ll reward you down the road. Keeping that frame of mind will not make situations seem terrible, because in hindsight, it’s not.

Plus, you care about her, right? Part of that is being able to do selfless acts for the greater good.

If you haven’t realized by now, obviously all of these philosophies are not set in stone and there is some leeway, as many other things in life – but it requires maturity, integrity and self-control to acknowledge the give some things have.

In the end, this whole Giving & Taking series is all about knowing how the pieces fit in a relationship. You have to know what and how much you are willing to give to your significant other and what you are ready to accept from her. It’s about sacrifice. It’s about understanding. It’s about making time. It’s about giving yourself. It’s about learning. It’s about growing together. It’s about disagreements. It’s about resolution. It’s about…everything.

I write those things and I think of my girlfriend. She embodies everything that I want in a woman and the best part is that I feel more like myself at this time more than any time in the past few years. She is growing to become more than just something to me. She’s becoming everything to me. And as I wrote this series, she was always in the back of my mind, wondering about how well we do together. She’s amazing and although it’s still early, I hope you guys (and girls) can read this, possibly learn something (I’ve learned a lot writing this) and you can find something even remotely close to what I have now because let me tell you something.

It’s incredible.

This caps the Giving & Taking series here at Project Infinity. I would love to hear feedback, questions and comments you may have. If you’d like to contact me, feel free to send me an email.

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Giving and Taking: The Win/Win Philosophy of Relationships

Giving and Taking: The Win/Win Philosophy of Relationships

When you go into a situation with a Win/Win attitude, like it states, everyone wins. As Stephen Covey wrote in his book,

“Win/Win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial, mutually satisfying. With a Win/Win solution, all parties feel good about the decision and feel committed to the action plan. Win/Win sees life as a cooperative, not a competitive arena.”

Giving and Taking Series Introduction

This is a new series I'm starting and I’d like to thank my girlfriend for giving me the idea.

I think this is a great topic when it comes to building and maintaining relationships, especially with those you care about.

We all have had this thought that goes through our minds when it comes to how much we should give and how much we should take, preventing being a taken advantage of or being the one taking advantage.

Then on the flipside, disagreements or conflicts of interests can happen and there needs to be an appropriate resolution to move the relationship forward.

And yes, I do mean sometimes, doing things that we may not want to do necessarily. But I do believe that there is a good way to go about it where you won’t actually be in a position where you’ll be doing something you don’t want to do. It’ll require an open mind and a genuine interest in the other person.

Are you ready?

Here is the analogy that I am going to use. For this, I am going to thank Stephen Covey and his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. A great read it you want to learn about making your life and the relationships you have more efficient and more fulfilling.

In learning how to become more interdependent and taking on a bigger leadership role in my industry, my life and other’s lives, through this book, I learned the Six Paradigms of Human Interaction. Here they are:

Win/Win or No Deal

I am going to talk about each paradigm, the frame of mind that is necessary in order to get the result and why each one is good or bad to have in a relationship. I am very excited about this one as well.

Tomorrow, we will start with the best one, Win/Win and how it’s possible to get that result more times than you think, without compromising anyone’s value in the relationship.

So while you look forward to that beginning tomorrow, I am still going to share with you some content with you.

You can check out my TSBMagazine segment Ask Your Wingman where last week I answered some interesting questions and talked about things going on in my second job.

My consulting company, The Professional Wingman has been updated with services specifically designed for men and women and I also have a media page where you can see some panels that I have been on where I give some good stuff.

This past Friday I tried out giving away free Twitter consultation regarding dating and lifestyle. Judging by the response, it was a huge success! Thank you for all of the feedback and I believe it will be a nice weekly thing.

Also, I would like to get back on the live tip. Something that I am going to try is having a live forum jam on Friday at 6 PM on UStream. It will be mostly open forum where you can ask me any question you’d like about dating, lifestyle and fashion. To guarantee some structure to this jam, I will talk about approach anxiety and give you some free tips that you can use that night when you go out!

I’m pumped about this and I hope you are too. Just trying my best to give you all what you need!

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