Approach at MiniBar
Over lunch one day with Stuart and Carla, we were sharing stories of terrible attempts at talking to women and I heard a really bad one. My instinctive outburst was, “Wow, that’s ‘wingman unapproved.’” Stuart and Carla laughed, seemed to like what I said and said I should try to incorporate something in my blog that talks about “unapproved” actions that result in failed attempts to talk to women (or men for that matter).
I see them all the time and so why not talk about them? I can talk about what could have gone wrong and what he/she could have done to make things better. As a benefit, you get to read it and try to avoid these situations yourself. I will also do some “approved” posts too, if they are worth highlighting.
So let’s begin with the other night!
I was at MiniBar with my honorary wingman, Cort Johnson, and we saw three women across from us. Two of them looked like they were our age and the other one was visibly older. I had already come to the conclusion that they were two sisters with their mother but that’s not important. What’s important is what happened next. Cort and I were going to talk to them because they were by themselves and no one was trying to talk to them as if they had some type of disease. They were all attractive, even the mother and it wasn’t like the mother was giving signals like, “you better not come over here or I’ll bite your head off.” Anyway, right before Cort and I were going to break the ice with the group, a noticeably older man swoops in and starts talking to the group.
His back was turned and he was in front of the group so we couldn’t see what was going on or what he said. Within 15 seconds, he walked away. I glance over at the women and see them talking and giggling. I had a distinct feeling that his attempt went terribly.
Now out of sheer curiosity, I go over and ask them what he said to them. They told me that he left his friend, walked over to them and asked, “Can I ask you a question? Is it ok for me to smoke outside?” For a moment, I wasn’t even shocked. I was more confused. Why would he even ask that? And then, why would he leave his friend to ask them that? It just didn’t make any sense.
Listen, guys, let’s be clear here. Women are aware of everything – well, almost everything. When they are out, they know who’s close to them, who’s across the room, what you’re drinking, how much you’ve drank, what you’re wearing and how you’re acting. They know if you’re having a good time or not. They know if you’ve looked at them or not (yeah, I know). If they are making that kind of effort in hopes they may find someone to connect with and also avoid what I’ll call socially incompetent men, I think it would be fair to make the same effort to come up with a better approach.
Lesson: Don’t ask a question that doesn’t make sense. If you’re going to ask a question of relevance or better yet, something that you genuinely want to know. You’ll get a much better response than what this guy got.
While Cort and I were already over there talking with them, the guy came back, interrupted one of them and asked if they could watch his drink while he goes to the bathroom. For those who aren’t familiar with the layout of MiniBar, from where we were standing, he walked by about 4 tables and multiple surfaces before coming to where we were. Once again, women are aware of this.
Guys, if you are going to approach women, have some intent, be purposeful and don’t feel like you need an excuse. You don’t.
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