Groundhog Day

Isn't Groundhog Day coming up? Anyway, Groundhog Day is a day where the same thing happens. Groundhog comes up, doesn't see a shadow, spring comes early. It's the same routine everyday. Remember the movie, "Groundhog Day," where he had to repeat the same day over and over again until he got it right and everything worked out? Well, it is true that practice makes perfect. Why can't it true of dating? Why can't it be true of specific dates?

Now, for people that know me, you know that I don't promote nonsense coming from pick-up artists. You know promote quality things from quality people. Doc Holliday, a friend of mine has created a book that helps guys figure out the guesswork in creating a fun date that can still be unique regardless of the repetition.*

*Let me put my dsclaimer here and say that if a guy were to try to do the same things on a date 50 times in a row (going to the same location, trying do the same things, etc.) with 50 different women, the interaction and results will still be unique. Which is why I always promote having my guys go out there and approach women. Every interaction will be different because you are not talking to the same girl (at the same time, for that matter). Plus, you don't have to complicate things if you don't need to.

The great thing I like about Doc is that he doesn't give out formulas or methods. All of what he gives are guidelines, because he's a believer in letting the individual actually coming up with their own flare, which is something I think is important. If you're just copying someone else, you're not doing what you would do, you're doing what someone else would. That, my friend = unoriginality.

He provides good tips on how to make any first date a successful one depending on what your goals are. With practice, you can definitely guarantee yourself a second date with these tips - and more, if you so choose.

It's only a 10-page e-book and so if I were to give you details, I'd pretty much be telling you what's in the book. I'd rather have you guys check it out for yourself.

Oh, yeah, I completely forgot an important part of this book. It's free.

Go here to check out the free book.

Doc is a part of Practical Pickup, which is Boston-based company that helps guys specifically with women. He partners with Mark, who as you know, I wrote a kick-ass review of his book, the Dating Solution.

These two also do very good 3-day bootcamps all over the country. I have personally seen the two of these guys speak and they are awesome speakers. It just so happens that I am doing this review at the right time because Mark and Doc are holding a bootcamp right here in Boston, February 6-8. If you want to sign up now, go ahead! Sign up now! These guys are great. And I'm not saying this because I know them.

So check out the book, let me know what you think and if you want a chance to see these guys, let me know and I can set you up with these guys. There's a lot you can learn from these two.

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Can This Be Possible?

Yesterday, I wrote an article declaring 2009 the Year of the Gentleman. A very far-fetched declaration but one I strongly believe in. If it is possible for me and a very few of my friends to be one, then there’s no reason why more people can’t be. But let’s not get into that today.

Yesterday, I was meeting with a really cool person and he conveniently told me that it was Chinese New Year. He also told me that 2009 is the Year of the Ox (or Bull). He said that it was going to be a good year and he explained to me a little bit about the Bull. So far, this year has been amazing so I had no reason NOT to believe him. But I love looking into this kind of stuff so I went home and checked out the full description. This is what I came across:

“People born in the Year of the Ox are patient, speak little, and inspire confidence in others. They tend, however, to be eccentric, and bigoted, and they anger easily. They have fierce tempers and although they speak little, when they do they are quite eloquent. Ox people are mentally and physically alert. Generally easy-going, they can be remarkably stubborn, and they hate to fail or be opposed. They are most compatible with Snake, Rooster, and Rat people.”

That sounded pretty good. We need this year to be about patience and inspiring confidence. We need people to become mentally and physically alert, but easy-going. We need people who don't want to lose – it’ll make us even more so determined to succeed. I think being eccentric is never a bad thing. Bigotry and opposition will never truly die and so it’s important we continue the battle in freeing people’s minds and allow co-existence. I could go on and on about it.

But with all of that, it got me thinking. Can the qualities of a Bull and a Gentleman be personified within the same male?

I believe so.

Why can’t the two co-exist in unison within one man peacefully and not conflicted? We can be strong men who inspire greatness and confidence in others, while showing a side of sincerity and authenticity. We can be fierce and passionate. We can have the desire to be the best at what we do and still show love, care and a sense of vulnerability through the risks that we take everyday from the moment we open our eyes everyday.

Yeah, saying that you can be a gentle bull would be a total oxymoron, but the traits within both of them can co-exist.

Do you think that it can exist, this idea of a gentle bull?

I know it can. Those were the qualities I was raised under, so I know it can exist and I know what it would take to get there. If you’d like to know how, email me and I’ll help you figure this out.

Oh, by the way, being born in 1985, it puts 2009 as my year. Coincidence...?

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Do You Know the Dating Solution?

The Dating Solution by Mark Manson (review)

When I found out that I was going to see and meet Mark Manson a couple of weeks ago, I was pretty excited about seeing a pick up artist teach his material in-person. I have hours and hours of videos of these guys but there is something about seeing them in person that I think is more engaging. At the same time, this gave me a chance to see how pick up artists vary in terms of how and what they teach and more importantly, what they truly believe in.

The great thing about Mark Manson is that although he would consider himself a pick up artist, he teaches principles that any guy can adopt without having to drastically change who they are. He teaches this and much more in his book, the Dating Solution.

The book is divided into several parts, helping you work on yourself from the inside out. Topics include:

Upgrading Your Lifestyle – in every aspect possible
Learning Where and How to Meet Women
Understanding How to Connect with Women – how to create great conversation
Creating Attraction and Flirting
Getting Phone Numbers and Dates (phone and text conversations too)
Understanding the Point of Physical Escalation

This book is set up so well. Practice is the key here and Mark does a good job of providing an “Action Plan” at the end of every chapter so that you can work on every element of your improvement as you read along.

One of the more interesting things that I learned from this book is the concept of passive and active attraction. Understanding this will give you a tremendous advantage over other guys. Believe me, the concept here is golden.

There are no pickup lines here – just real conversations and the great thing is that he analyses the conversations so that you can understand and start to develop a feel for what you need to do to generate that attraction. On the flipside, he also uses “what-not-to-do” examples to better understand what you may be doing wrong and what’s so wrong about it. Not many books do this.

Everything here is completely natural and all he asks of you – like we all do – is to push your comfort zone a little and have some fun. The benefits will be huge.

I highly recommend this book. Plus, the fact that he’s from Boston makes him an even cooler guy.

If you want to get his book, check out his site, the Dating Solution. When you make the order, let Mark know I sent you and he’ll hook you up!

You can check out his blog here. It’s a good source for some quick and useful information about pickup.

He also does bootcamps and coaching sessions as well and you can find out more about his company and how you can get 1:1 consulting at Practical Pickup.

Put down that nonsense you’re reading and grab this book. If used properly, it’ll be worth more than you could possibly imagine.

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2009 = Year of the Gentleman

I remember listening to NeYo’s latest album the other day, the Year of the Gentleman, and it got me thinking a lot about his message and the some of the reasons why I do what I do.

I’ve talked about this a few times on Twitter and out in public about how I would like to see 2009 be "the Year of the Gentleman." Almost every woman that I’ve mentioned it to has pretty much said, “yeah, right. Those days are gone.”

So I ask, are they really? Or even more importantly, can those days ever make a comeback?

There are so many things that I don’t see going on out there anymore that guys should all do. Simple things like opening doors for women, walking down the sidewalk with her on the inside, giving her your coat if she is cold, without asking and not caring if you’ll freeze, pulling her chair out for her, walking her to her car or home after a date. I never see any of that anymore; no wonder women are kind of surprised when I do these things.

If some of you are thinking to yourself, “isn’t that ‘try hard’ to go out of your way to do these things?” I ask you, “What is wrong with you?” How is that “try hard” and “out of your way?” Are you really so wrapped up in making sure that you’re this “alpha-male” that is supposed to be a total leader, that you forget one of most important aspects of natural leadership – leadership through care?

And for the pick-up artists and dating/relationship coaches that know (of) me (and that I personally know), this is not a bash against you at all (I would hope you’d realize that). I am just saying that there are some things out there that do not show proper respect for women. You know what a real alpha-male would do? You know what a true leader would do? Show appreciation, respect and gratitude for the fact that amazing women are out there – one of which gave birth to you – and that it’s ok to be yourself, be nice to them and make them feel a little special. Yeah, I said it. “Nice.” I also said “special.” Real men can do this and not be seen as the dreaded, "nice guy.” And if you are out there that don’t know how and would like help, contact me. I am opening myself up to everyone now for my services, which I will have posted within the next 48 hours.

I want people to chime in on this, whether through Twitter, email or by commenting here.

I really want people to start being open with the fact that the reason why guys try to learn these things and the reason why people like me teach these guys are the same: not only to give ourselves a more fulfilling life and make ourselves happy but also to be able to have fun and share these things with women who we can build something with.

That doesn’t mean that you need to lower her self-esteem. Doesn’t mean that chivalry goes out the window. And that certainly doesn’t mean that you should forget that you’ve been raised to be a true gentleman – at least, I would hope. The real people who are VERY successful and live quality lives never forget that.

Let this be the year we bring those things back. We owe it to ourselves to save the devolving perception of the modern man to bring back the true things that make us great men.

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Be the President of Your Life

In my recent ode to my inspirations, I realize that I didn't include a guy whose blog I read twice - even three times a day! This guy is the man when it comes to confidence building and meeting and attracting women. He is actually very good at coaching not only men but women as well. I personally consider him one of my favorite coaches to listen to. His advice is consistently solid and his experience is something not many can match. His name is David Wygant and you should check out his blog.

This was a video he put up a couple of days ago in a hotel shortly after the Presidential Inauguration in DC. This speech got me so motivated in such a way that I thought it would be an injustice not to share this with my readers (you rock, by the way!). Click to see his post called "Obama and You."

Enjoy and tell me what you think! Are you ready to be the President of your life?

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Can A Single Man (or Woman) Lead This Country?

With all of the talk about our new President, I figured I should join in on the talk about our new Presidency. But I wanted to take a different approach. President Obama is a very strong, confident male and I feel like his family certainly puts him over the top. You gotta love Michelle Obama and especially the children. Any man can be supremely confident if they know they have an unbreakable foundation of support from his wife and children. It was almost as if the family helped him – in some way – in his election campaign.

So it got me thinking?

In my generation, I have not seen a bachelor become President of the United States. I found that interesting so I decided to look more into it. I love grabbing as much as I can from the web and understanding that none of these sources can be true, still think of this as a fun layout of information that may - or may not be true.

There have been many Presidents who were single during their term in office. Of all of those men, James Buchanan was the only true bachelor. There was a bunch of President who lost their wives and were widows. Some of those guys remarried while in office, while others chose not to. Grover Cleveland actually got married for the first time while he was IN office. But not James Buchanan. He stayed the course and remained single. Although I found some sites talk about the fact that he may have been gay which would have created problems (considering the time) so I’m sure if it was true, it was kept under wraps and explained a few things.

I found it funny that some people regarded Buchanan as the worst President ever. I also find it kind of interesting that having a family indicates another kind of leadership that is rare, not talked about much but as a nation, we consider in our decision-making – being a leader of a strong and happy family.

Understanding all of this, it brought me to ask myself this – and now, I propose the question to you. Is it possible for a bachelor to be President of the United States of America? Would you even vote for a single guy? Who would you choose over the other? The man that has (or had) a wife and kids or the one that is currently single? The same principle would apply to a single woman. Would that make things different?

For me, it made me see Barack Obama’s election in a completely different light if he didn’t have his wife and kids and was a single black man. Then again, wouldn’t it change the look of any candidate if he (or she) were single?

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Not Your Typical Valentine's Day Post (Part 3)

This will be my last installment of this type of post regarding Valentine’s Day. You can see my first two posts here and here. I may make other posts leading up to it, but we’ll see. This last story comes from an interesting time. It actually goes back to middle school – around 6th grade. This story actually is one that I’ll always remember.

In middle school I was not the most popular kid. I sucked at sports, I was goofy, a bookworm and so shy around girls – especially those I liked. I was constantly made fun of and I always thought that at the rate I was going, I would have no shot with any girl. But like most hopeless nerds, I too had a crush. And it was bad.

I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. And of course, I felt I had no chance with her. But still, I wanted to show her something about me. I figured that if I was able to get through to her some way and show her I was such a nice guy then maybe she’d like me. In order to do that, I had to go all-out on Valentine’s Day. And boy did I ever.

I ended up getting a little white teddy bear that held a heart saying, “Love me.” Then, if you squeezed the heart, the bear would say, “I love you.” I also got a rose and a card that asked her to be my valentine. I was so ready for this. I was going to walk up to her ever so smoothly, give these things to her and ask her to be my valentine. Then she would jump into my arms, scream, “yes,” and we’d be together. Piece of cake.

Ha! If only I was ever that smooth.

On the bus ride to school, all of my peers would ask me whom these gifts were for and I refused to answer. I remember the girls on the bus giggling amongst them and trying to whisper to one another, “he’s so cute.” It made me smile a little bit – not gonna lie. But then something hit me right before the bus pulled up in front of the school. I realized that it wouldn’t have mattered what I gave her, it wasn’t going to make my dreams and wishes of being with her come true. In fact, all I was going to get was an, “Oh, thanks. I really appreciate it. That’s so sweet of you. Um…someone already asked me to be his valentine and I said yes. I’m sorry. We can still be friends, though.”

Believe me, I heard this routine many times before.

Having realized this reality, I decided that I was going to give these things to someone who really deserved it. Someone who would certainly say yes to me and really appreciate it for years to come as one of the best V-Day gifts she’s ever received. I was excited again and had something else to look forward to.

When I sat in school, those gifts stayed on my desk for hours. Guys and girls had asked me throughout the day, “when are you going to give it to her,” as if they already knew who I had intended to give these things to – you know, they probably did. I was never good at being secretive about who I liked. I just smirked and didn’t really say anything. It was kind of hard to get much work done since all of these things took up so much desk space but I survived the day. I did end up giving her the card, which was a Mickey Mouse card that said, “Happy Valentine’s Day.” She liked it, thought it was cute and said thank you. Meh.

On the way home, my peers came up and asked me, “What happened? Did she not take it? She said no, didn’t she? Why do you still have these things?” I was teased pretty heavily about it on that 30-minute ride home. It was similar to that scene in The Pursuit of Happyness when the guy Will Smith played was selling those scanners and he was supposed to leave his apartment with one and not come back with it. Well not only did he come back with it, he came back with another one (if you haven’t seen the movie, I would highly recommend it).

Well although the ride home was rough, it was worth it. As soon as I got home, I snuck into the house and placed all of my gifts on my mom’s bed. I even added one those little Disney V-Day cards and on the back it said, “to the real person that I love.” After I was done, I walked back outside and through the kitchen door like I was walking in for the first time. I pretty much went straight to my room and started on my homework, waiting for her reaction.

I wish I were there to see her reaction. I knew she was so happy. She called me downstairs and gave me the biggest hug ever! She went to my dad and went on about what I did. She couldn’t stop smiling for days. And of course she told all of her friends. I owned the title of “the sweetest son” for many years after that. I can go out on a limb and say I still own that title.

She told me recently that it has become her thing to squeeze that bear every Valentine’s Day.

If V-Day is the day of love, let’s not forget those who you unconditionally love – and those who unconditionally love you.

This concludes this series on Valentine’s Day.

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