I remember listening to NeYo’s latest album the other day, the Year of the Gentleman, and it got me thinking a lot about his message and the some of the reasons why I do what I do.
I’ve talked about this a few times on Twitter and out in public about how I would like to see 2009 be "the Year of the Gentleman." Almost every woman that I’ve mentioned it to has pretty much said, “yeah, right. Those days are gone.”
So I ask, are they really? Or even more importantly, can those days ever make a comeback?
There are so many things that I don’t see going on out there anymore that guys should all do. Simple things like opening doors for women, walking down the sidewalk with her on the inside, giving her your coat if she is cold, without asking and not caring if you’ll freeze, pulling her chair out for her, walking her to her car or home after a date. I never see any of that anymore; no wonder women are kind of surprised when I do these things.
If some of you are thinking to yourself, “isn’t that ‘try hard’ to go out of your way to do these things?” I ask you, “What is wrong with you?” How is that “try hard” and “out of your way?” Are you really so wrapped up in making sure that you’re this “alpha-male” that is supposed to be a total leader, that you forget one of most important aspects of natural leadership – leadership through care?
And for the pick-up artists and dating/relationship coaches that know (of) me (and that I personally know), this is not a bash against you at all (I would hope you’d realize that). I am just saying that there are some things out there that do not show proper respect for women. You know what a real alpha-male would do? You know what a true leader would do? Show appreciation, respect and gratitude for the fact that amazing women are out there – one of which gave birth to you – and that it’s ok to be yourself, be nice to them and make them feel a little special. Yeah, I said it. “Nice.” I also said “special.” Real men can do this and not be seen as the dreaded, "nice guy.” And if you are out there that don’t know how and would like help, contact me. I am opening myself up to everyone now for my services, which I will have posted within the next 48 hours.
I want people to chime in on this, whether through Twitter, email or by commenting here.
I really want people to start being open with the fact that the reason why guys try to learn these things and the reason why people like me teach these guys are the same: not only to give ourselves a more fulfilling life and make ourselves happy but also to be able to have fun and share these things with women who we can build something with.
That doesn’t mean that you need to lower her self-esteem. Doesn’t mean that chivalry goes out the window. And that certainly doesn’t mean that you should forget that you’ve been raised to be a true gentleman – at least, I would hope. The real people who are VERY successful and live quality lives never forget that.
Let this be the year we bring those things back. We owe it to ourselves to save the devolving perception of the modern man to bring back the true things that make us great men.
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