I forget where I came across this. I just have the notes here and I wanted to talk about this because I thought this was interesting. There are people out there who have done tons of relationship research and now have recently devised a list of emotional needs guys have to fulfill in order to keep a woman attracted to you for a long time. This is supposed to be critical to maintaining a long-term relationship.
Just popping in to say what's up. Hope everyone is having a great holiday weekend!
I am taking the weekend off the site to do a few things, such as:
1. enjoy playing video games again (which was my passion before this entered my life)
2. finish up my program due out in January 2009.
3. work on my in-field consulting and helping guys out more frequently
Once I get back Monday, I'll be throwing out some cool stuff that I think everyone will enjoy. I plan on talking about some potentially discussion-inducing topics, such as emotional needs, alpha women, the concept of momentum and some funny Christmas stories.
So enjoy the weekend and live to the infinity!
Merry Christmas to everyone! Could you just do one favor me? It's actually really easy and you'll make someone VERY happy...
Considering that it's been very cold, snowy and windy as of late, you would be silly to not have a scarf to protect you from the elements. On top of that you would be just as silly not to use the scarf as an excuse to be fashionable. Well, Jae from Kinowear has it covered for you. Here are the nine (yes, 9) different ways you can tie your scarf.
Some of these are pretty cool. Others are almost as complicated as tying a tie.
There is an elegant quality that comes with a scarf, giving the man who dons one an extra touch of swagger.
In the winter time, you’re probably going to be wearing the same couple of coats throughout the whole season. A scarf will add the perfect amount of noticeable flair and variety to your outfit, not to mention the extra warmth.
One question I seem to get the most regarding scarves is, “What’s the best way to wear one around your neck?”
There are so many ways you can wear a scarf. The most practical ways will only take you a few minutes to learn. Others, will take no effort at all.
Here are 9 different ways you can wear a scarf:
Here are some excellent illustrations courtesy of texeresilk.com.1. The Ascot Knot (or Loose Tie)
Step 1 Let the middle of the scarf fall on the back of your neck with equal length on both sides.
Step 2 Take one end (A) and bring it towards the other (B).
Step 3 Let A pass from under B.
Step 4 Bring A upwards to make a knot as illustrated.
Step 5 Adjust both the ends equally facing downwards.
This type of knot is great when you’re wearing an open jacket, and you want the same appeal that a necktie has. It also works great when you’re wearing a turtle neck or a high collar jacket.
2. The Twice-Around Ascot
Step 1 Fold the scarf according to the basic fold 1 and let it hang around your neck equally on each side.
Step 2 Bring one side (A) towards the other side (B).
Step 3 Let A pass from under B.
Step 4 Bring A towards the front.
Step 5 Let A pass through B again to form a knot.
Step 6 Adjust both the sides facing forward as shown in the illustration.
This knot is the same as the first except that it goes around the neck twice. This techinque works best with a longer scarf.
3. The European Loop (or Slip Knot)
Step 1 Fold the scarf according to the basic fold 3 and then fold it again to form a sort of hoop.
Step 2 Let the scarf dangle around your neck with the hoop on one side of the shoulder.
Step 3 Take the other end (A) and bring it towards the hoop.
Step 4 Let A pass through the hoop to make a European loop.
Step 5 Tighten the loop to get the complete effect.
This knot can be made shorter by folding the scarf in half again after the first time. This type of knot goes well with a short jacket, which you can also tuck the scarf into and zip up. This is one of my personal favorites. It looks best in cold weather, and works well with both casual and business outfits.
4. The Fake Knot
Step 1 Fold the scarf according to basic knot 1 and let it drop down your neck equally on each side.
Step 2 Make a knot on one side (A).
Step 3 Bring the other side (B) towards A.
Step 4 Let B pass through A to form a knot.
Step 5 Tighten the knot to get a beautiful fake knot.
5. The Neck Tie
Tie your scarf as you would a regular neck tie - a Windsor knot looks best. This can only be done with a lightweight scarf. This is a very business appropriate look that would go create with a 3/4 length coat.
More simple ways to wear a scarf:
6. The Twice-Around
Place the scarf around your neck so that the two ends are at your back, cross the ends at the back of your neck and bring them around to the front. This is great for a casual oufit. For example, a simple solid jacket with jeans.
If it’s not cold out, wear it loose for a more laid-back appeal:
7. The Toss
This one is so easy: Hang the full length of the scarf around your neck with one side hanging down about one foot more than the other, then take the long end and cross it over your neck, tossing it behind you and over the opposite shoulder.
8. The Classic Drape
Simply drape the scarf around your neck and tuck it into your coat, covering the chest area left exposed by the coat’s neckline. If I’m wearing an overcoat, I like to do this, and close my jacket over it, checking that the scarf is evenly under my jacket collar.
Another way to use a scarf is to pop up your jacket collar and place it underneath:
9. The Wrap Around
Rather than telling you how to do this, I thought it would be better to find a video on how to tie this one. It’s the final one shown in this great video by Details (you’ll see how to do the loose tie and slip knot as well):
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To this day, I still can’t stand hearing those words. Whenever I hear those words, I immediately get flashbacks and images of all that is wrong when a group of guys go out with that mindset. I remember being one of those guys in college my few first years in college. I would never say it out loud, but my mindset was clear. I was going to go out, get wasted and pick up a girl to bring back to the dorm. Man, those were the days.
Anyway, at some point during the conclusion of college, I realized that it’s sleazy and it just doesn’t work. Women would pick up on this and words would spread about you like wildfire. Think it doesn’t happen? Trust me, it does. I was fortunately enough to have the social status and circle to not make it a problem for me. But that is a completely different topic for another day.
Being newly single, going out has taken on a completely different meaning. For me, it’s about enjoying time out with friends, meeting new people and making strong connections that can potentially last. If I were to come across a woman I feel a stronger connection with, that’s even better. But never can I say that I would go out for the purpose of “picking up” women. Which does bring some “hiccups” with a few of my friends who are still in college.
One night, my good friends were liberated from midterms and wanted to go out, considering the next day there was a holiday and were no classes. I was cool with that but they didn’t make their intentions known until I met up with them that they wanted to, “get some girls.”
Now, I have been in this situation plenty of times with a bunch of my friends. I am perfectly fine with going out on these kinds of nights with my buddies. I love them all and they are cool people for sure and we’re gonna have a good time out regardless. But the idea of going out and “picking up” women just doesn’t work for me anymore. But, it doesn’t mean that I won’t help them if they need it.
I talk about all of the qualities of being a good wingman and so I have no problem winging it up with them.
But what good is it if the friends I am helping do not have the confidence to take initiative and “seal the deal?”
So this is usually what happens.
If they need me to talk to a group of women, I’ll find the biggest group of women, open them up to conversation and then introduce them to my buddies. I even say something cool about my friends too that will generate attraction and interest.
“This is [my friend]. He’s from Argentina.”
“I want you to meet [my friend]. He actually worked with Obama over the summer.”
Anything that would make them look cool. At that point, my job is done. I’ll end up making friends with one of the other women and just hang out. I get caught up in conversation and don’t notice that my friends are gone.
Long story short, they want to “take a lap” around and see what’s good (one of my pet peeves). But then they don’t talk to anyone else but each other for the rest of the night? Then they’ll go home wondering why they’re in my car and not walking home or taking a cab home with a woman. What the hell happened? Clearly, they didn’t get told off because these same women will join in my conversation with their friend and occasionally ask about my friends, wondering more about them (which is always a good sign).
Sometimes, people don’t know what to do when things are given to them. Other times, people don’t feel worthy or confident enough to think they can handle talking to attractive women. Fewer times, they may just want to see what else is available.
So my advice here to them and everyone else out there who understands what I am talking about here would be to stop, listen, enjoy and be the man. Focus on the interaction and listen to what is going on in front of you. Enjoy the moment as you may end up finding a connection with someone. And be the man, when someone is talking to you, it should be a mutually privileged conversation. She is just as lucky to be talking to you as you are to her and you should convey that. You are the catch, remember?
I think eventually my buddies will get it and it will change their entire perspective on going out and meeting women. But in the end, we’re all having fun right?
Well, I think they got the idea as explained in one of my secret posts, coming soon to exclusive members in January!
If you want to be one of the first to get on the VIP List, email me at infinityfans@recklessstudio.com and request your spot. There are only so many…
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I am getting more and more interested in fashion and making bold statements of my character through what I wear. I have reached the point where I am pretty much willing to try anything and everything. This is a great thing because if you're able to feel comfortable and confident in pretty much anything, your attraction will spike and your presence will be felt by anyone you come across.
Last week's show in the Men's Room introduced Marvi Artik, who is an image consultant in Montreal. He gives a good explanation about how image consulting is different than other types of personal consulting jobs out there (like, mine).
In this episode he talks about so many cool things such as:
What messages you are portraying with your clothes
Learning how to push your comfort zone when it comes to trying out clothes
How dressing appropriately can gives you an advantage in life
The basic necessities of any man's wardrobe
How to pick up on women noticing you
and much more...
Check it out and tell me what you think!
So, I have been having some very interesting conversations with people recently about the way I dress and how I have such "style." I think it's cool that people compliment on what I wear. It's taken a while for me to understand the importance of dressing well and I'm glad that I can see the results. But I also strongly believe that it's not ONLY the clothes I am wearing that determines my style.
I was explaining that being comfortable wearing what I wear and feeling confident portraying my personality and character through my clothes is what defines my style. Even writing this, it seems a little difficult to explain.
Good thing I came across this awesome article from Jae from Kinowear that pretty much explains everything.
To understand your style is to understand who you are - and letting people know. Enjoy this post.
What do you think about when you hear someone use the word “style”?
Whenever the term “style” is used, it most commonly refers to one’s fashion or outer appearance. But I want to remind you that style is much more than your shoulder length haircut, fashionable coat, or your Ferragamo shoes.
Style = Expression
It’s the total combination of the way you dress, talk, move your body, or do anything for that matter. Simply put, it’s how we express our inner being outwardly. This includes all of our thoughts, emotions, interests, and values. Everything on the outside is merely a reflection of what’s on the inside.
A lot of the people think that what I do is just help people transform their outer appearance. This is what they think of when they hear “style coach” or “image consultant,” and will come to me for a personal shopping session - wanting mainly to focus on fashion.
Although, I like to think of myself as a “self-expression coach,” because I firmly believe that fashion is just one part of your style.
Most of us aren’t aware of what we’re communicating most of the time - and it’s way beyond our reach to keep track of everything that we’re presenting. When we do find out through an outside source (usually to our disgust), whether through a close friend or relative, it seems far from the ideal vision that we have of ourselves. This is where a coach can come in and pinpoint all the factors that are contributing to what we don’t want, and how we can fix it.
For example, meet John Smith. He may seem like a nice guy who everyone loves, but when it comes to dating women, he says he just can’t seem to keep a woman attracted to him. What’s causing this? It could be a factor of many things he’s unaware of. The tone of his voice which is seeking validation, the fashion faux pas he’s making through his outfit combination, or some kind of insecurity in him that reveals itself through his mannerisms.
We all have things about ourselves we’d like to change just like John here. Once you identify your unattractive flaws or mannerisms, you’ll have the power to change it.
Some people think that because I’m a style coach I must be an unstoppable force of charisma who looks impeccable all the time. But sometimes I’m at home unshaven wearing clothes that are more about comfort than fashion. I’m just a guy obsessed with the subject of style, and how we can improve every aspect of ourselves to be more effective in our interpersonal relationships. I love learning and analyzing this stuff, and while obsessively doing so I try to share what I learn because I love helping people more than anything else.
I firmly believe that every man has the capability to be charismatic - being the type of guy that everyone loves and is drawn towards. My life purpose is to continuously grow in this way and help others to bring this part of themselves out as well.
So what parts make up your complete “style?”
1. Your Reputation/Branding
Building a great self-brand or reputation is key to how much influence you’ll have in any setting. And I’m not talking about being a label junkie.
Guard your reputation above everything else, because once it’s tainted, it’s very hard to change people’s view of who you are.
For example, if you were introduced to a room full of people as being someone who won a Nobel prize for finding the cure to cancer, and someone who has brought a tremendous amount of medical aid to multiple third world countries, people will trust you more and whatever words you say to them will carry more credibility.
Compare that to me telling the room that you’re a psychopath, who just managed to get out of the county jail for murdering 23 people. You could say the nicest things and everyone will screen them through their current perception of you until you’ve convinced them otherwise.
People will believe anything about you at first, and then they’ll keep their eye on you to see if you’re for real. Then whatever information is consistent with their perception of you will get added to their current picture, whatever is not, will be changed or removed.
2. Clothing/Fashion sense
While what you wear isn’t going to make up your entire impression, it does make up over 80% of your first impression. What you wear is what will kick-start the impression you make on others before you even open your mouth. This is the place from which people will filter everything you say and do.
Just because style = expression doesn’t mean you can wear whatever you want while ignoring the message it’s conveying. There is a “language” that is spoken through specific types of clothing, that you must become familiar with in order to make a more positive influence than a negative one.
For example, picture a man in a well-fitted suit telling you that he runs a multi-national corporation and makes billions of dollars. Then, picture a man in an ill-fitting, dirty outfit telling you the same thing. Which would you believe more?
3. Your Grooming
Your grooming is part of your outer image that people will judge (most of the time subconsciously) to see how well you care for yourself. People tend to associate how well-groomed you are to the level of self-respect you have.
An example of this is the guy who has a fashionable hair cut that doesn’t have any stray hairs but is very well kempt, verses the guy who has an overdue haircut of a few weeks. Not only does the other man look more important and social, but he carries with him an image of more confidence and power.
We look at women the same way, when we compare the woman with straight silky hair against the woman with nappy hair that looks in need of a good conditioner and wash. I’m not looking down on anyone, but judgments are being made everyday from every single person whether consciously or not. Our brains are wired to make sense of everything around us through our senses, to calculate whether things are healthy or unhealthy, advantageous or harmful, etc.
4. Non-verbal
According to studies at the University of California, 93% of our communication is non-verbal. Imagine asking someone “How are you?” If that person replies “Fine” in a curt manner with a frown on their face, and their arms crossed, are they communicating that they really feel fine?
The messages we get across to other people has very little to do with the words that we use.
For example, what’s going to make you seem more like a confident and fun guy at a party? Standing near the wall with a beer in your hand? Or goofing around, dancing like these guys, not caring what anyone thinks?
Besides body language, the tone, pitch, and volume we use in our voice is all part of non-verbal communication that is really at the heart of the words we use.
A person with a naturally loud voice can appear insensitive and domineering. There may also be insecurity issues at play, where the speakers feels they need to speak loudly to be listened to. A naturally soft-spoken person may be thought to be shy and insecure. They may think that what they have to say is not worth hearing - or at least this is the message that is getting across to others.
I found some funny clips of the show 30 Rock on the internet, which seems like a pretty funny show. Alec Baldwin does some great acting here of different voices and tones. We can tell exactly what kind of character he’s playing each time, even if we close our eyes and just listen to his tonality.
5. Your Lifestyle and Values
The way we live is all dependent on our values. If we value adventure, we may enjoy activities that involve a level of risk and fear such as skydiving, bungee jumping, or riding a roller coaster. On the other hand, if we value security, we may be reluctant to do such activities.
In the past, when I first focused starting on my style journey, I thought that people weren’t smart enough to figure out the real me if I just worked hard to mange their perception of who I am.
I soon realized that no matter how hard you pretend to be something you’re not, people will have enough information to piece together who you really are. No matter what you say, do, or try to orchestrate, something, somewhere, will reveal the truth.
There is no way around this and it’ll cost you less energy to actually work on becoming and being the person you want to be than pretending and trying to do. I’m reminded of a familiar saying that “We’re human beings, not human doings.“
Like in poker, there are always “tells.” Who you are on the inside will always manifest outwardly in some way. Even if you may not realize it, you can’t hide for that long.
Don’t underestimate the perceptiveness of others, if you are trying to be someone you’re not, people will see it clearly soon enough. Even through a tiny action regarding an insignificant thing, such as you holding the door for someone or the way you treat a baby, can tell someone more about you than a whole written autobiography can. There are things that we can’t possible think to manage that will make an impression on the people around us.
This is why it’s so important to work on who you are on the inside just as much as you do outward. This is what true “style” is.
Why Should You Want These Things at Your Best Level?
We all have an ideal vision of who we want to be. Whatever part of us that isn’t matching up to that ideal version of ourselves leaves room for us to grow. Only by being as close to this vision as possible, can we experience ultimate joy and fulfillment in our lives.
Happiness comes from self-esteem, and the better we become the more we like ourselves, affecting our confidence and creating an upward spiral towards limitless potential.
And the key is to continuously work on improving yourself, more than the situations around you, because you will attract into your life not so much of what you want exactly, but who you are.
Some Action Steps to Take
Here are some things you can do to set yourself on the path to your best style:
1. Create a folder of yourself and collect all your current pictures. Also, if you have a video camera, film yourself, and keep this file as well. This will give you tons of self-awareness which is the first step towards lasting change.
Do you remember the last time you watched yourself on camera? Were you ever surprised at the sound of your voice? The way you talked? Your facial expressions? Your poor posture? The best path to start your style improvement is to get an outside perspective.
2. Send the pictures you’ve collected to your friends and get some friends to send you some notes about what they would think about this guy if they didn’t know him. Would they think he was successful? Intelligent? Attractive to women? If you think you can pretend you’re someone else, looking at this guy for the first time, then write down everything you would assume about this guy.
3. Check the notes that you now have, are they in line with what you want to be communicating? Now that you’ve become aware of where you’re standing, decide where you’re going. What kind of person would you like to be? Write down how you want to world to understand you.
Start by surrounding yourself with people who have the values and characteristics you want for yourself, and model after them.
It’s imperative that you choose the people around you carefully, because you will start to become like them. Who we’re around on a consistent bases affects our thoughts, values, habits, and behaviors.
The good news it that these people you surround yourself don’t have to be alive or next to you in person. They can be there through books, tapes, video, etc.
So model after your favorite celebrities, ripped out ads from fashion magazines, or through friends you look up to.
4. Get a coach. A coach will pinpoint where you are and help you create an exact plan for where you want to go. Whatever it’s for (a sport, fashion, body building), a coach will save you a ton of time spent trying to figure out everything yourself.
5. Track your progress on our newly updated forums. Get advice and feedback from other guys who are on the same quest - to becoming their best selves.
Style development is parallel to personal development. Who you really are is close to the way the world will perceive you. But personal development is more for yourself, whereas style development is what will help you become more effective in your dealings with other people. Learning more and developing your competence on fashion, attractive body language, and social skills, it’ll result in a more fulfilling relationships with friends, coworkers, and the opposite sex.
Everyone who knows me knows I love the Matrix and I talked about how much I do in my post, "Free Your Mind." If you sit down with me, I can tell you how this movie has changed every aspect of how I see things in my world. I can also show you what you can do to do the same. The Matrix has so many concepts and quotes that will live on forever and anyone who can understand that and talk about it is a very cool person.
Hence, this post by Erika. She talks a lot about seduction, attraction and spirituality. I've actually had a chance to talk to her a little bit and she is an amazing person. You should check out for blog. Here, she compares the Matrix and a Courses in Miracles, which she explains in the post. But for now, free your mind and read this:
________________________________________________________________________________________
Someone (who will remain unnamed) has been asking me repeatedly whether I really think we are living in the Matrix.
Rather than answer the question directly (where would be the fun in that?), I offer you these brief vignettes, first from the Matrix movie and then from ACIM:
Dialogue between Morpheus and Neo in the Matrix
Morpheus: Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?
***
Morpheus: I imagine that right now, you're feeling a bit like Alice. Hmm? Tumbling down the rabbit hole?
Neo: You could say that.
Morpheus: I see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, that's not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.
Morpheus: I know *exactly* what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Neo: The Matrix.
Morpheus: Do you want to know what it is?
Neo: Yes.
Morpheus: The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work... when you go to church... when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Morpheus: That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else you were born into bondage. Into a prison that you cannot taste or see or touch. A prison for your mind.
*********************************************
Passage from A Course in Miracles
Judgment is but a toy, a whim, the senseless means to play the idle game of death in your imagination. But vision sets all things right, bringing them gently within the kindly sway of Heaven's laws. What if you recognized this world is an hallucination? What if you really understood you made it up? What if you realized that those who seem to walk about in it, to sin and die, attack and murder and destroy themselves, are wholly unreal? Could you have faith in what you see, if you accepted this? And would you see it?
Hallucinations disappear when they are recognized for what they are. This is the healing and the remedy. Believe them not and they are gone. And all you need to do is recognize that you did this. Once you accept this simple fact and take unto yourself the power you gave them, you are released from them. One thing is sure; hallucinations serve a purpose, and when that purpose is no longer held they disappear. Therefore, the question never is whether you want them, but always, do you want the purpose that they serve? ...
Vision is the means by which the Holy Spirit translates your nightmares into happy dreams; your wild hallucinations that show you all the fearful outcomes of imagined sin into the calm and reassuring sights with which he would replace them. These gentle sights and sounds are looked on happily, and heard with joy. They are his substitutes for all the terrifying sights and screaming sounds the ego's purpose brought to your horrified awareness. They step away from sin, reminding you that it is not reality which frightens you, and that the errors which you made can be corrected.
When you have looked on what seemed terrifying, and seen it change to sights of loveliness and peace; when you have looked on scenes of violence and death, and watched them change to quiet views of gardens under open skies, with clear, life-giving water running happily beside them in dancing brooks that never waste away; who need persuade you to accept the gift of vision? And after vision, who is there who could refuse what must come after? Think but an instant just on this; you can behold the holiness God gave his Son. And never need you think that there is something else for you to see.
Remember how in the final Matrix movie the entire world turns into a paradise? That is where we are headed. We just need to keep on waking people up, and we will get there.
**********************************************
Morpheus: I'm trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it.
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As I’ve become comfortable regularly posting articles that I like, I am going to continue this and just tag it with the keyword “inspiration.” That way, you can click on it and see all of my alternate resources and check them out. All of these people you should be checking out anyway or else I wouldn’t post any of their stuff.
This post comes from Lance from Honey and Lance. I am going to post his spiel so you can see read what he is about. He’s a cool guy that talks a lot about life being a real guy. This article talks about how allowing yourself to randomize your life will lead you to meeting new people, which is what you want to do, right? Well, Lance talks about the wrong way to do it and the right way to do it. I’d pay more attention to the right way.
Lance is an aspiring social artist based in Orlando, Florida. His goal is to be a kickass dude, meet cool people, and generally dominate at everything. He enjoys sports, surfing, socializing, reading and writing. You can contact Lance via email here or online here.
By Lance on Dec 11, 2008 in Dating
(Gemma Atkinson…Sweet Jesus!)
This post was inspired after reading Three Great Places to Meet Women on the Dad’s House blog. DM suggested three places that are, on paper, supposed to be goldmines for meeting singles (especially for guys): yoga, cooking class, and wine tasting class. He goes on to say that he struck out at all three times.
I think he’s on to something and I want to expand on it. I’ve done classes (yoga), groups (sports, writing), and other social functions with the express purpose of creating more opportunities to meet chicks. This has rarely worked out for me. Wow, how is that? I mean, hell, I even wrote a post about unique places to meet women, and some of these places were on the list.
The thing is, I think you’re setting yourself up for failure by taking a yoga class for the purpose of meeting girls. Take a yoga class because you like yoga. I love yoga, and I will continue to do it, but not to meet women. If a hottie happens to be in the class, then I’ll do my thing, but I’m not rocking up to the class looking for it. The universe kind of works that way. It’s stingy when you’re really looking for something and it’s generous when you least expect it.
Three points:
1. Always do stuff because you’re out to have fun and to have good experiences FIRST, meet girls second.
2. Just because you didn’t get a date doesn’t mean that you can’t socialize and make friends. I think this trips up a lot of guys looking for dates. They consider it a failure when they don’t get the number or a date out of it. Just make friends. Just be cool with everyone you come across, guys or girls. Extend your network. The bigger your network is, the more social opportunities come your way. You’re making an investment, and that investment will pay dividends eventually.
3. Add randomness to your life, or to put it another way, go to places you don’t normally go to and have no agenda and let the game come to you. Run your errands in the evening and stop by 2-3 places for the hell of it. Look for crowds and places that look energetic. Accept invitations to go out with groups that you don’t regularly hang with. Go to bars with friends even though you hate bars. Randomness happens in bars every hour of every night. That’s what you want.
Don’t sweat it if you don’t get the date, just keep going out and plugging away and eventually it will happen.
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As I continue my "ode to inspirations," I wanted to make a few announcements!
First, I am working hard to make this program not only the best but the only kind out there. It will certainly be the most visual and interactive program that you will see out there and will be completely engaging. And on top of that there will be a maximum state of accountability - not just only on your part, but also on my part. I will pretty much be with you til you pretty much don't need me anymore! And even then...
Secondly, I am going to open the program to the public for the New Year. So 2009 will be the year when your life changes forever! I am excited for this as I have had people inquiring about the timing of the program and I figured it didn't make sense to have this program open up just before the holiday.
Lastly, next week, I will be back doing my own posts and providing sneak peeks and previews of what's to come in 2009 for Project Infinity.
Now back to business.
This article is from my buddy, Eathan, from I Date White. Eathan's niche in dating is being involved in only interracial relationships (correct me if I'm wrong, bud!). TSBMag's Bobby Rio actually writes a really good article about niche dating. This article is about communication, specifically early in a potential relationship. He brings up going points in how terrible communication early can be a tell-tale sign of how the communication will be when you are actually in the relationship. Get in the discussion, either here or at his post. But check out what he says:
Lately I’ve being doing something I haven’t done in a while. I’m meeting a couple new people and clearing out some of the old one. Every now and then you have to do this just keep things interesting. I’ve decided that I’m only going to meet two or maybe three new people. The main reason is, I’m trying to decide if I have already found a potential girlfriend or if I’m just getting distracted by the holiday season. Since I’ve started meeting new people, I’ve figured out something that is starting to bug me. I actually think I’ll add it to my list of pet peeves.
I have been emailing 2 different women several times and it has led to several phone conversations. After the phone screening, we decided to meet. It seemed that we get along well enough to have a couple drinks and hang out. We planned to meet 1/2 way. Like always, I always like to confirm plans. Well I’ve sent a couple text messages, emails, phone calls and even smoke signals. OK not really, but I did try to make contact 3-4 times. I got no response. Nothing at all. There was no 3 word text message. There was no myspace reply. There wasn’t even the usual, “don’t make me spray my can of mace‘ reply. It was the silence on the home front.
So I decided to clear them from my phone. I sent the, “I was initially worried when I haven’t heard from you, but now I will just wish you good luck.”
Almost immediately, I got a reply! “Sorry, I’ve had a crazy week and didn’t respond to you”.
In my typical IDW fashion, I didn’t reply. I was disappointed that some how they didn’t have time for a simple text 4 day earlier. I’m sure I’m not the only one that has had this happened. It seems to be apart of the norm. Maybe it’s the idea of being a Ostrich in another life. You know, I’ll bury my head in a pile of sand and hope no one notices me.
Well that doesn’t fly for me. I’ve had a conversation with one of the women last night. She apologized for not responding and said its normal for her to be unresponsive. She even claimed to ignored her sister. I have to admit that I’ve thought about her being busy with work and then it made me reflect on something. Why would communication be different with a date than it would be if you’re in a relationship/married? Isn’t communication one the most important things between two people? Would you really ignore you daughter/son, family, work, or friends? She had to admit no.
Maybe this was simply a sign of bad things to come. Maybe it’s the real reason why they are still single. Even as I am writing this, it reminds me of my customer who never replies to their voice mails and emails. At the end of the month he has a pile of reports to finish that he’s ignored for weeks.
Normally it’s women who bitch about men not communicating, but sometimes it’s the other way around. So I’m wondering how often do you get irritated by the disappearing and reappearing act? Should you judge a person’s character on how well they communicate or lack of it?
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