To this day, I still can’t stand hearing those words. Whenever I hear those words, I immediately get flashbacks and images of all that is wrong when a group of guys go out with that mindset. I remember being one of those guys in college my few first years in college. I would never say it out loud, but my mindset was clear. I was going to go out, get wasted and pick up a girl to bring back to the dorm. Man, those were the days.
Anyway, at some point during the conclusion of college, I realized that it’s sleazy and it just doesn’t work. Women would pick up on this and words would spread about you like wildfire. Think it doesn’t happen? Trust me, it does. I was fortunately enough to have the social status and circle to not make it a problem for me. But that is a completely different topic for another day.
Being newly single, going out has taken on a completely different meaning. For me, it’s about enjoying time out with friends, meeting new people and making strong connections that can potentially last. If I were to come across a woman I feel a stronger connection with, that’s even better. But never can I say that I would go out for the purpose of “picking up” women. Which does bring some “hiccups” with a few of my friends who are still in college.
One night, my good friends were liberated from midterms and wanted to go out, considering the next day there was a holiday and were no classes. I was cool with that but they didn’t make their intentions known until I met up with them that they wanted to, “get some girls.”
Now, I have been in this situation plenty of times with a bunch of my friends. I am perfectly fine with going out on these kinds of nights with my buddies. I love them all and they are cool people for sure and we’re gonna have a good time out regardless. But the idea of going out and “picking up” women just doesn’t work for me anymore. But, it doesn’t mean that I won’t help them if they need it.
I talk about all of the qualities of being a good wingman and so I have no problem winging it up with them.
But what good is it if the friends I am helping do not have the confidence to take initiative and “seal the deal?”
So this is usually what happens.
If they need me to talk to a group of women, I’ll find the biggest group of women, open them up to conversation and then introduce them to my buddies. I even say something cool about my friends too that will generate attraction and interest.
“This is [my friend]. He’s from Argentina.”
“I want you to meet [my friend]. He actually worked with Obama over the summer.”
Anything that would make them look cool. At that point, my job is done. I’ll end up making friends with one of the other women and just hang out. I get caught up in conversation and don’t notice that my friends are gone.
Long story short, they want to “take a lap” around and see what’s good (one of my pet peeves). But then they don’t talk to anyone else but each other for the rest of the night? Then they’ll go home wondering why they’re in my car and not walking home or taking a cab home with a woman. What the hell happened? Clearly, they didn’t get told off because these same women will join in my conversation with their friend and occasionally ask about my friends, wondering more about them (which is always a good sign).
Sometimes, people don’t know what to do when things are given to them. Other times, people don’t feel worthy or confident enough to think they can handle talking to attractive women. Fewer times, they may just want to see what else is available.
So my advice here to them and everyone else out there who understands what I am talking about here would be to stop, listen, enjoy and be the man. Focus on the interaction and listen to what is going on in front of you. Enjoy the moment as you may end up finding a connection with someone. And be the man, when someone is talking to you, it should be a mutually privileged conversation. She is just as lucky to be talking to you as you are to her and you should convey that. You are the catch, remember?
I think eventually my buddies will get it and it will change their entire perspective on going out and meeting women. But in the end, we’re all having fun right?
Well, I think they got the idea as explained in one of my secret posts, coming soon to exclusive members in January!
If you want to be one of the first to get on the VIP List, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and request your spot. There are only so many…
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