I am getting more and more interested in fashion and making bold statements of my character through what I wear. I have reached the point where I am pretty much willing to try anything and everything. This is a great thing because if you're able to feel comfortable and confident in pretty much anything, your attraction will spike and your presence will be felt by anyone you come across.
Last week's show in the Men's Room introduced Marvi Artik, who is an image consultant in Montreal. He gives a good explanation about how image consulting is different than other types of personal consulting jobs out there (like, mine).
In this episode he talks about so many cool things such as:
What messages you are portraying with your clothes
Learning how to push your comfort zone when it comes to trying out clothes
How dressing appropriately can gives you an advantage in life
So, I have been having some very interesting conversations with people recently about the way I dress and how I have such "style." I think it's cool that people compliment on what I wear. It's taken a while for me to understand the importance of dressing well and I'm glad that I can see the results. But I also strongly believe that it's not ONLY the clothes I am wearing that determines my style.
I was explaining that being comfortable wearing what I wear and feeling confident portraying my personality and character through my clothes is what defines my style. Even writing this, it seems a little difficult to explain.
Good thing I came across this awesome article from Jae from Kinowear that pretty much explains everything.
To understand your style is to understand who you are - and letting people know. Enjoy this post.
What do you think about when you hear someone use the word “style”?
Whenever the term “style” is used, it most commonly refers to one’s fashion or outer appearance. But I want to remind you that style is much more than your shoulder length haircut, fashionable coat, or your Ferragamo shoes.
Style = Expression
It’s the total combination of the way you dress, talk, move your body, or do anything for that matter. Simply put, it’s how we express our inner being outwardly. This includes all of our thoughts, emotions, interests, and values. Everything on the outside is merely a reflection of what’s on the inside.
A lot of the people think that what I do is just help people transform their outer appearance. This is what they think of when they hear “style coach” or “image consultant,” and will come to me for a personal shopping session - wanting mainly to focus on fashion.
Although, I like to think of myself as a “self-expression coach,” because I firmly believe that fashion is just one part of your style.
Most of us aren’t aware of what we’re communicating most of the time - and it’s way beyond our reach to keep track of everything that we’re presenting. When we do find out through an outside source (usually to our disgust), whether through a close friend or relative, it seems far from the ideal vision that we have of ourselves. This is where a coach can come in and pinpoint all the factors that are contributing to what we don’t want, and how we can fix it.
For example, meet John Smith. He may seem like a nice guy who everyone loves, but when it comes to dating women, he says he just can’t seem to keep a woman attracted to him. What’s causing this? It could be a factor of many things he’s unaware of. The tone of his voice which is seeking validation, the fashion faux pas he’s making through his outfit combination, or some kind of insecurity in him that reveals itself through his mannerisms.
We all have things about ourselves we’d like to change just like John here. Once you identify your unattractive flaws or mannerisms, you’ll have the power to change it.
Some people think that because I’m a style coach I must be an unstoppable force of charisma who looks impeccable all the time.But sometimes I’m at home unshaven wearing clothes that are more about comfort than fashion. I’m just a guy obsessed with the subject of style, and how we can improve every aspect of ourselves to be more effective in our interpersonal relationships. I love learning and analyzing this stuff, and while obsessively doing so I try to share what I learn because I love helping people more than anything else.
I firmly believe that every man has the capability to be charismatic - being the type of guy that everyone loves and is drawn towards. My life purpose is to continuously grow in this way and help others to bring this part of themselves out as well.
So what parts make up your complete “style?”
1. Your Reputation/Branding
Building a great self-brand or reputation is key to how much influence you’ll have in any setting. And I’m not talking about being a label junkie.
Guard your reputation above everything else, because once it’s tainted, it’s very hard to change people’s view of who you are.
For example, if you were introduced to a room full of people as being someone who won a Nobel prize for finding the cure to cancer, and someone who has brought a tremendous amount of medical aid to multiple third world countries, people will trust you more and whatever words you say to them will carry more credibility.
Compare that to me telling the room that you’re a psychopath, who just managed to get out of the county jail for murdering 23 people. You could say the nicest things and everyone will screen them through their current perception of you until you’ve convinced them otherwise.
People will believe anything about you at first, and then they’ll keep their eye on you to see if you’re for real. Then whatever information is consistent with their perception of you will get added to their current picture, whatever is not, will be changed or removed.
While what you wear isn’t going to make up your entire impression, it does make up over 80% of your first impression. What you wear is what will kick-start the impression you make on others before you even open your mouth. This is the place from which people will filter everything you say and do.
Just because style = expression doesn’t mean you can wear whatever you want while ignoring the message it’s conveying. There is a “language” that is spoken through specific types of clothing, that you must become familiar with in order to make a more positive influence than a negative one.
For example, picture a man in a well-fitted suit telling you that he runs a multi-national corporation and makes billions of dollars. Then, picture a man in an ill-fitting, dirty outfit telling you the same thing. Which would you believe more?
3. Your Grooming
Your grooming is part of your outer image that people will judge (most of the time subconsciously) to see how well you care for yourself. People tend to associate how well-groomed you are to the level of self-respect you have.
An example of this is the guy who has a fashionable hair cut that doesn’t have any stray hairs but is very well kempt, verses the guy who has an overdue haircut of a few weeks. Not only does the other man look more important and social, but he carries with him an image of more confidence and power.
We look at women the same way, when we compare the woman with straight silky hair against the woman with nappy hair that looks in need of a good conditioner and wash. I’m not looking down on anyone, but judgments are being made everyday from every single person whether consciously or not. Our brains are wired to make sense of everything around us through our senses, to calculate whether things are healthy or unhealthy, advantageous or harmful, etc.
4. Non-verbal
According to studies at the University of California, 93% of our communication is non-verbal. Imagine asking someone “How are you?” If that person replies “Fine” in a curt manner with a frown on their face, and their arms crossed, are they communicating that they really feel fine?
The messages we get across to other people has very little to do with the words that we use.
For example, what’s going to make you seem more like a confident and fun guy at a party? Standing near the wall with a beer in your hand? Or goofing around, dancing like these guys, not caring what anyone thinks?
Besides body language, the tone, pitch, and volume we use in our voice is all part of non-verbal communication that is really at the heart of the words we use.
A person with a naturally loud voice can appear insensitive and domineering. There may also be insecurity issues at play, where the speakers feels they need to speak loudly to be listened to. A naturally soft-spoken person may be thought to be shy and insecure. They may think that what they have to say is not worth hearing - or at least this is the message that is getting across to others.
I found some funny clips of the show 30 Rock on the internet, which seems like a pretty funny show. Alec Baldwin does some great acting here of different voices and tones. We can tell exactly what kind of character he’s playing each time, even if we close our eyes and just listen to his tonality.
5. Your Lifestyle and Values
The way we live is all dependent on our values. If we value adventure, we may enjoy activities that involve a level of risk and fear such as skydiving, bungee jumping, or riding a roller coaster. On the other hand, if we value security, we may be reluctant to do such activities.
In the past, when I first focused starting on my style journey, I thought that people weren’t smart enough to figure out the real me if I just worked hard to mange their perception of who I am.
I soon realized that no matter how hard you pretend to be something you’re not, people will have enough information to piece together who you really are. No matter what you say, do, or try to orchestrate, something, somewhere, will reveal the truth.
There is no way around this and it’ll cost you less energy to actually work on becoming and being the person you want to be than pretending and trying to do. I’m reminded of a familiar saying that “We’re human beings, not humandoings.“
Like in poker, there are always “tells.” Who you are on the inside will always manifest outwardly in some way. Even if you may not realize it, you can’t hide for that long.
Don’t underestimate the perceptiveness of others, if you are trying to be someone you’re not, people will see it clearly soon enough. Even through a tiny action regarding an insignificant thing, such as you holding the door for someone or the way you treat a baby, can tell someone more about you than a whole written autobiography can. There are things that we can’t possible think to manage that will make an impression on the people around us.
This is why it’s so important to work on who you are on the inside just as much as you do outward. This is what true “style” is.
Why Should You Want These Things at Your Best Level?
We all have an ideal vision of who we want to be. Whatever part of us that isn’t matching up to that ideal version of ourselves leaves room for us to grow. Only by being as close to this vision as possible, can we experience ultimate joy and fulfillment in our lives.
Happiness comes from self-esteem, and the better we become the more we like ourselves, affecting our confidence and creating an upward spiral towards limitless potential.
And the key is to continuously work on improving yourself, more than the situations around you, because you will attract into your life not so much of what you want exactly, but who you are.
Some Action Steps to Take
Here are some things you can do to set yourself on the path to your best style:
1. Create a folder of yourself and collect all your current pictures. Also, if you have a video camera, film yourself, and keep this file as well. This will give you tons of self-awareness which is the first step towards lasting change.
Do you remember the last time you watched yourself on camera? Were you ever surprised at the sound of your voice? The way you talked? Your facial expressions? Your poor posture? The best path to start your style improvement is to get an outside perspective.
2. Send the pictures you’ve collected to your friends and get some friends to send you some notes about what they would think about this guy if they didn’t know him. Would they think he was successful? Intelligent? Attractive to women? If you think you can pretend you’re someone else, looking at this guy for the first time, then write down everything you would assume about this guy.
3. Check the notes that you now have, are they in line with what you want to be communicating? Now that you’ve become aware of where you’re standing, decide where you’re going. What kind of person would you like to be? Write down how you want to world to understand you.
Start by surrounding yourself with people who have the values and characteristics you want for yourself, and model after them.
It’s imperative that you choose the people around you carefully, because you will start to become like them. Who we’re around on a consistent bases affects our thoughts, values, habits, and behaviors.
The good news it that these people you surround yourself don’t have to be alive or next to you in person. They can be there through books, tapes, video, etc.
So model after your favorite celebrities, ripped out ads from fashion magazines, or through friends you look up to.
4. Get a coach. A coach will pinpoint where you are and help you create an exact plan for where you want to go. Whatever it’s for (a sport, fashion, body building), a coach will save you a ton of time spent trying to figure out everything yourself.
5. Track your progress on our newly updated forums. Get advice and feedback from other guys who are on the same quest - to becoming their best selves.
Style development is parallel to personal development. Who you really are is close to the way the world will perceive you. But personal development is more for yourself, whereas style development is what will help you become more effective in your dealings with other people. Learning more and developing your competence on fashion, attractive body language, and social skills, it’ll result in a more fulfilling relationships with friends, coworkers, and the opposite sex.
Everyone who knows me knows I love the Matrix and I talked about how much I do in my post, "Free Your Mind." If you sit down with me, I can tell you how this movie has changed every aspect of how I see things in my world. I can also show you what you can do to do the same. The Matrix has so many concepts and quotes that will live on forever and anyone who can understand that and talk about it is a very cool person.
Hence, this post by Erika. She talks a lot about seduction, attraction and spirituality. I've actually had a chance to talk to her a little bit and she is an amazing person. You should check out for blog. Here, she compares the Matrix and a Courses in Miracles, which she explains in the post. But for now, free your mind and read this:
Someone (who will remain unnamed) has been asking me repeatedly whether I really think we are living in the Matrix.
Rather than answer the question directly (where would be the fun in that?), I offer you these brief vignettes, first from the Matrix movie and then from ACIM:
Dialogue between Morpheus and Neo in the Matrix
Morpheus: Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?
***
Morpheus: I imagine that right now, you're feeling a bit like Alice. Hmm? Tumbling down the rabbit hole?
Neo: You could say that.
Morpheus: I see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, that's not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.
Morpheus: I know *exactly* what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Neo: The Matrix.
Morpheus: Do you want to know what it is?
Neo: Yes.
Morpheus: The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work... when you go to church... when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Morpheus: That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else you were born into bondage. Into a prison that you cannot taste or see or touch. A prison for your mind.
*********************************************
Passage from A Course in Miracles
Judgment is but a toy, a whim, the senseless means to play the idle game of death in your imagination. But vision sets all things right, bringing them gently within the kindly sway of Heaven's laws. What if you recognized this world is an hallucination? What if you really understood you made it up? What if you realized that those who seem to walk about in it, to sin and die, attack and murder and destroy themselves, are wholly unreal? Could you have faith in what you see, if you accepted this? And would you see it?
Hallucinations disappear when they are recognized for what they are. This is the healing and the remedy. Believe them not and they are gone. And all you need to do is recognize that you did this. Once you accept this simple fact and take unto yourself the power you gave them, you are released from them. One thing is sure; hallucinations serve a purpose, and when that purpose is no longer held they disappear. Therefore, the question never is whether you want them, but always, do you want the purpose that they serve? ...
Vision is the means by which the Holy Spirit translates your nightmares into happy dreams; your wild hallucinations that show you all the fearful outcomes of imagined sin into the calm and reassuring sights with which he would replace them. These gentle sights and sounds are looked on happily, and heard with joy. They are his substitutes for all the terrifying sights and screaming sounds the ego's purpose brought to your horrified awareness. They step away from sin, reminding you that it is not reality which frightens you, and that the errors which you made can be corrected.
When you have looked on what seemed terrifying, and seen it change to sights of loveliness and peace; when you have looked on scenes of violence and death, and watched them change to quiet views of gardens under open skies, with clear, life-giving water running happily beside them in dancing brooks that never waste away; who need persuade you to accept the gift of vision? And after vision, who is there who could refuse what must come after? Think but an instant just on this; you can behold the holiness God gave his Son. And never need you think that there is something else for you to see.
Remember how in the final Matrix movie the entire world turns into a paradise? That is where we are headed. We just need to keep on waking people up, and we will get there.
**********************************************
Morpheus: I'm trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it.
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As I’ve become comfortable regularly posting articles that I like, I am going to continue this and just tag it with the keyword “inspiration.” That way, you can click on it and see all of my alternate resources and check them out. All of these people you should be checking out anyway or else I wouldn’t post any of their stuff.
This post comes from Lance from Honey and Lance. I am going to post his spiel so you can see read what he is about. He’s a cool guy that talks a lot about life being a real guy. This article talks about how allowing yourself to randomize your life will lead you to meeting new people, which is what you want to do, right? Well, Lance talks about the wrong way to do it and the right way to do it. I’d pay more attention to the right way.
Lance is an aspiring social artist based in Orlando, Florida. His goal is to be a kickass dude, meet cool people, and generally dominate at everything. He enjoys sports, surfing, socializing, reading and writing. You can contact Lance via email here or online here.
This post was inspired after reading Three Great Places to Meet Women on the Dad’s House blog. DM suggested three places that are, on paper, supposed to be goldmines for meeting singles (especially for guys): yoga, cooking class, and wine tasting class. He goes on to say that he struck out at all three times.
I think he’s on to something and I want to expand on it. I’ve done classes (yoga), groups (sports, writing), and other social functions with the express purpose of creating more opportunities to meet chicks. This has rarely worked out for me. Wow, how is that? I mean, hell, I even wrote a post about unique places to meet women, and some of these places were on the list.
The thing is, I think you’re setting yourself up for failure by taking a yoga class for the purpose of meeting girls. Take a yoga class because you like yoga. I love yoga, and I will continue to do it, but not to meet women. If a hottie happens to be in the class, then I’ll do my thing, but I’m not rocking up to the class looking for it. The universe kind of works that way. It’s stingy when you’re really looking for something and it’s generous when you least expect it.
Three points:
1. Always do stuff because you’re out to have fun and to have good experiences FIRST, meet girls second.
2. Just because you didn’t get a date doesn’t mean that you can’t socialize and make friends. I think this trips up a lot of guys looking for dates. They consider it a failure when they don’t get the number or a date out of it. Just make friends. Just be cool with everyone you come across, guys or girls. Extend your network. The bigger your network is, the more social opportunities come your way. You’re making an investment, and that investment will pay dividends eventually.
3. Add randomness to your life, or to put it another way, go to places you don’t normally go to and have no agenda and let the game come to you. Run your errands in the evening and stop by 2-3 places for the hell of it. Look for crowds and places that look energetic. Accept invitations to go out with groups that you don’t regularly hang with. Go to bars with friends even though you hate bars. Randomness happens in bars every hour of every night. That’s what you want.
Don’t sweat it if you don’t get the date, just keep going out and plugging away and eventually it will happen.
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As I continue my "ode to inspirations," I wanted to make a few announcements!
First, I am working hard to make this program not only the best but the only kind out there. It will certainly be the most visual and interactive program that you will see out there and will be completely engaging. And on top of that there will be a maximum state of accountability - not just only on your part, but also on my part. I will pretty much be with you til you pretty much don't need me anymore! And even then...
Secondly, I am going to open the program to the public for the New Year. So 2009 will be the year when your life changes forever! I am excited for this as I have had people inquiring about the timing of the program and I figured it didn't make sense to have this program open up just before the holiday.
Lastly, next week, I will be back doing my own posts and providing sneak peeks and previews of what's to come in 2009 for Project Infinity.
Now back to business.
This article is from my buddy, Eathan, from I Date White. Eathan's niche in dating is being involved in only interracial relationships (correct me if I'm wrong, bud!). TSBMag's Bobby Rio actually writes a really good article about niche dating. This article is about communication, specifically early in a potential relationship. He brings up going points in how terrible communication early can be a tell-tale sign of how the communication will be when you are actually in the relationship. Get in the discussion, either here or at his post. But check out what he says:
Lately I’ve being doing something I haven’t done in a while. I’m meeting a couple new people and clearing out some of the old one. Every now and then you have to do this just keep things interesting. I’ve decided that I’m only going to meet two or maybe three new people. The main reason is, I’m trying to decide if I have already found a potential girlfriend or if I’m just getting distracted by the holiday season. Since I’ve started meeting new people, I’ve figured out something that is starting to bug me. I actually think I’ll add it to my list of pet peeves.
I have been emailing 2 different women several times and it has led to several phone conversations. After the phone screening, we decided to meet. It seemed that we get along well enough to have a couple drinks and hang out. We planned to meet 1/2 way. Like always, I always like to confirm plans. Well I’ve sent a couple text messages, emails, phone calls and even smoke signals. OK not really, but I did try to make contact 3-4 times. I got no response. Nothing at all. There was no 3 word text message. There was no myspace reply. There wasn’t even the usual, “don’t make me spray my can of mace‘ reply. It was the silence on the home front.
So I decided to clear them from my phone. I sent the, “I was initially worried when I haven’t heard from you, but now I will just wish you good luck.”
Almost immediately, I got a reply! “Sorry, I’ve had a crazy week and didn’t respond to you”.
In my typical IDW fashion, I didn’t reply. I was disappointed that some how they didn’t have time for a simple text 4 day earlier. I’m sure I’m not the only one that has had this happened. It seems to be apart of the norm. Maybe it’s the idea of being a Ostrich in another life. You know, I’ll bury my head in a pile of sand and hope no one notices me.
Well that doesn’t fly for me. I’ve had a conversation with one of the women last night. She apologized for not responding and said its normal for her to be unresponsive. She even claimed to ignored her sister. I have to admit that I’ve thought about her being busy with work and then it made me reflect on something. Why would communication be different with a date than it would be if you’re in a relationship/married? Isn’t communication one the most important things between two people? Would you really ignore you daughter/son, family, work, or friends? She had to admit no.
Maybe this was simply a sign of bad things to come. Maybe it’s the real reason why they are still single. Even as I am writing this, it reminds me of my customer who never replies to their voice mails and emails. At the end of the month he has a pile of reports to finish that he’s ignored for weeks.
Normally it’s women who bitch about men not communicating, but sometimes it’s the other way around. So I’m wondering how often do you get irritated by the disappearing and reappearing act? Should you judge a person’s character on how well they communicate or lack of it?
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This is where it all started. We all have our inspirations for doing things. We all have those moments in time when you just get that spark. I have two of those inspirations. The first one that I talked about a while ago was Gary Vaynerchuk. He was the one that sparked my decision to pursue Project Infinity as a business and to really hustle to get the results I want.
But to improve my life and my life with women (which was what I wanted to improve a few years ago), my inspiration is none other than David DeAngelo. I can tell you so much about him and what he has done but I really don't have enough time. I CAN give you his links and where to find his products though.
He teaches guys how to attract not only beautiful women into your life, but plenty of women into your life. His series, Double Your Dating was the big difference-maker in realizing what it took to become a more interesting person to women. I valued his book and videos more than the Game and the Mystery Method. The stuff that he teaches is really, REALLY amazing.
He recently came out with the Mantransformation Program which is sick and he's coming out with a new series, Become Mr. Right. I am pumped for this series because this takes improving your life to the next level and I comment by saying that, "this may be the program that makes the difference in your life."
This guy is the best, and one of my many goals in 2009 is to meet this guy and thank him for changing my life. If you can get any of his materials, I highly suggest you take your time and go through it many times over.
Here is a video giving a quick idea of what DD is like:
I can talk on and on about his program and what he's taught me so if you want to talk about it, shoot me an email or leave a comment here. I truly want my program to have the same impact as David's. He's changed my life and I'm not ready to do the same for you!
Who has been your inspiration for this part of your life? Where did you learn and develop your skills? I'd love to know.
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To continue my "ode to my inspirations," this post is coming from Approach Anxiety. I love this site because it focus on the one thing that stops most guys from making that first move: Anxiety. Eric Disco, who is a cool guy to look into, talks about how anxiety is something you should embrace and how you can convert it into confidence - using momentum as a means of success. Check this article out, it's a fun and simple read.
My program will get into this approach anxiety and provide countless ways to accepting your anxiety and converting it into confidence. It's simple, fun and you will see results instantly. The membership program is coming soon!
This is the worst feeling ever, I think to myself.
I was feeling great yesterday, and the day before.
But today, I just don’t feel like opening my mouth.
I just got back from a few days vacation with my family. I was social with them, but didn’t interact with anyone else.
I noticed more overall anxiety when I got back last night.
I walk out the front door of my apartment building and bundle up for the cold weather. I think about the possibility of talking to women today and it’s so remote.
I have the momentum of a steam engine–that’s in park.
I round the corner to the subway station. Head up the stairs to the platform.
I get my body walking along the platform even though part of me hopes there’s no one to talk to.
I see a girl. I can’t tell whether she’s cute or not. Who cares. This is just to get moving.
“Do you know if this train goes to Manhattan?”
She smiles. “Yeah. It does.”
“Okay, thanks.” I say and walk away.
Doh. That girl was really cute. And she was smiling. Why didn’t I talk to her longer? I totally could have bantered with her.
Part of me starts to feel regret for not taking it further. But I stop myself completely. That was just a warm up.
I give myself a lot of room when I get into things at the beginning of the day. The first person I talk to, I make sure I put no pressure on myself to do anything.
Yeah, I could banter. And if I could banter, I could connect with her as well. And on and on.
But this is all part of a very important process for me, a process I go through every single day.
I often talk about how important it is to interact with women every single day, that doing this daily will be the most important part of learning to manage approach anxiety.
Things really do get easier. But the approach anxiety never goes away. Ever.
But guys that are great at this stuff know that secret. The reason they have less approach anxiety is because they know how to deal with it when it crops up.
They know how to get themselves into the right state every day.
They do warm-ups with no outcome in mind. Even Mystery talks about how the first three people he talks to is just practice.
This is the hardest part for guys starting out. It is the most frustrating part. Because they can’t feel what the warm-ups are doing for them.
Am I on the right path? Is this really helping me? I feel different but why aren’t people reacting differently to me? Is this “working”?
They would rather take a huge leap forward and fail because it would hurt too much to fail at something small.
Guys get miserly. When they first start doing this, getting past the fear requires a ton of concentration and energy. They decide not to say “Hi” to the person in an elevator so they can save their energy for when they have to do that difficult approach.
In the beginning, it’s true, you won’t have enough energy to interact with every single person every time you want to. But if you plan to interact with someone on a deeper level, you better start small.
You talk to one person and your body starts to get used to it. You start to feel a bit more comfortable. And with the next person it’s easier.
There’s a word for that. It’s called confidence. And you can build your confidence on a daily basis.
It is a daily process. Anxiety is not something like a disease to be cured. It is something you gain proficiency at dealing with.
It starts new every day. There is something about night, which wipes it all away.
Each night, sleep is a small exercise in death, a daily submission to the great unknown. Our dreams are our womb, intimate, safe and nurturing.
Every morning we are born again. We must learn again, we must remember what it felt like to let someone else into our personal space.
I transfer on my train to the next stop. Walk along the platform. I walk over and stand next to a short-haired cutie and open my mouth.
“You look like you know where you’re going.” I wait for her to respond.
She looks at me with a smile and pulls off her headphones.
“Do you know if this train is running this weekend? I have big plans.”
“Um… I think so…” she says with a smile.
“Awesome, you rock. I’m taking you everywhere with me!” She giggles.
And I walk away.
Again.
This time with a smile on my face.
I carry that smile around with me. The next girl I talk to, I will hardly even have to banter. She’s practically giggling when I open my mouth.
Each morning, a voice inside me says: protect what you have. You are fine the way you are. Don’t take that risk.
But my own voice, my true voice, my voice not captured by fear, tells a different story.
There’s more out there, it says. It’s called life. And I intend to live it as vigorously as possible.
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When I began to take this research of social dynamics publicly and connecting with others on the web, TSBMag was one of the vert first sites I came across. It was a very fun little site to check out guys talk about all different kinds of things like being the man on campus, women, cool toys, being a man, self-help, life principles and other just fun things.
Now it is a very highly-regarded blog and I am happy to have been able to watch its growth. Bobby, Mike and Pete are all cool people and if you haven't seen the site yet, please check it out. They have amazing articles and they talk a lot about life principles and maximizing your potential, things that I love!
Bobby started a series called "the Success Principles," and it comes from a course ran by Jack Canfield. There are 64 principles and if you want to check them all out, I would suggest starting from the very start.
For now, I am going to post one of the many awesome ones. Principle 33: Transcend Your Limiting Beliefs. This is a lot about reframing your mind to get rid to the negatives that stop you from doing something and finally believing that you can by creating positive and affiming statements that reflect this belief.
This is something you can do now! So, check it out and please continue to follow my ode to my inspirations.
Also, I'd love to find out what are some of your inspirations. Shoot me an email and I'll post some of them here as well! I love learning all different kinds of things and have no problem posting them up here! Let me know!
Here's the article:
This next article is part of an ongoing series here at TSB Magazine called The Success Principles. The series is based on the 64 principles laid out by Jack Canfield in his course of the same name. If you’re new, I always suggest starting any series from the beginning.
Principle 33: Transcend Your Limiting Beliefs
The idea of eliminating or transcending negative beliefs seems to creep into many of the principles throughout this series. I think there is good reason for that. You are ultimately defined by your beliefs. If you have limiting beliefs… you are, in fact, limited.
Many of us carry a deep rooted belief that we are not capable of achieving our goal. Whether the goal is to make a million dollars, lose weight, find a girlfriend, or write a book, for whatever reason, we believe that there is something inherent in us that will prevent us from achieving the goal. Even after going through over 30 lessons in this series, many of you may still believe that you do not have the will power, education, connections, determination, or intelligence to achieve success.
Many of these beliefs have unconsciously been thrust upon us throughout our lives. Sometimes it was a parent, sometimes classmates or peers who put little seeds of inferiority and doubt into your mind. In order to fully succeed it is necessary that you banish these beliefs and replace them with new empowering beliefs.
You need to shift from thinking “I’m not capable” to the thoughts “I can do this” “If other people have accomplished this so can I” and “I am capable.”
This is the final piece of the puzzle. On the surface is seems so incredibly easy. But transcending these limiting beliefs may be the biggest struggle you will ever have to over come.
How to Overcome Any Limiting Belief
Canfield gives a good formula for overcoming these beliefs:
1. Identify a limiting belief that you want to change. Start by making a list of any beliefs you have that might be limiting to you.
2. Determine how the belief limits you.
3. Decide how you want to be, act, or feel.
4. Create a turnaround statement that affirms or gives you permission to be, act, or feel this new way.
Once you have created a new belief- your turnaround statement- you will need to implant it in your subconscious mind through constant repetition several times per day for a minimum of 30 days. Use the affirmation techniques we discussed in Principle 10, Release the Breaks.
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This is an awesome article about Lexicon's perspective on his desire to attain a girlfriend and how his research through pick up and social dynamics have developed not only his personality but his whole way of thinking when interacting with women.
There is a new appreciation of women here and I want people to understand that this is what guys need to realize. This is also what I will be teaching in my upcoming membership program. It's never about getting the girl. It's about building a quality life and gaining a better appreciation not only for who you are but also your life and the people that come into it.
If you want to check out his article, "Developing Cassanova Game," and comment there, here is his post. I highly suggest you do.
Enjoy! This is a valuable read!
“Feeling that I was born for the sex opposite of mine, I have always loved it and done all that I could to make myself loved by it.” - Giacomo Casanova, History of My Life.
I’ve been playing this game long enough that I recognize when there is a shifting of my reality. I felt it the first time I picked up Double Your Dating, The Game, or the first time I had made-out with a girl at a bar. There are these notions that Ihave in my head that get picked away one by one and in the end am left with my true intentions and desires.
When I first began learning pickup and seductionthe only thing I wanted was a girlfriend. I needed her so that I could be happy, I was an incomplete person and the only thing that I felt would make me complete and happy would be finding a woman to satisfy my gaping hole of neediness.
Jeez… sohard to understand now.
Ironically, after I read David De’Angelo’s Double Your Dating I was able to get just that, a girlfriend, only to break up after two months of dating. Quickly after that I got another girlfriend, which was a year and a half of fighting, arguing, and a general sense of misery.
Then I read The Game. That’s when a big key turned in my head and opened an unbelieveable realm of possibilities,”you mean I can have sex with women without being their boyfriend?” Along with all the other adventures that you can read throughout my blog.
But on the other side there is a really bizarre underlying weirdness about the community. “Racking up stats” or how many approaches a person gets a night or whatever. It never made sense to me and it still doesn’t make sense to me.
What is the point of what we’re doing? It actually makes me think back to something I felt after reading The Game. At one point Neil Strauss writes that he has a rotating wheel of women in his life. I’ve heard Hypnotica and some of the more “out there” guru’s talk about being Poly-Amorous and having mLTRs(Multiple Long-Term Relationships) but I never was able to rationally understand it, even though it seemed like the best possible situation.
Lately it’s been making a lot more sense, I’ve written about this several times recently in my Burning Bridges posts (1, 2) but I think that there is an even deeper message under this for me.
Like I said, when I first started this I wanted to have a girlfriend because I wanted an emotional connection with another person. Yes, I can admit that it came from a place of neediness, but it is also nice to feel that there is “someone there” and that you can care for someone. Again, non-attachment doesn’t mean not giving a shit,it means being open, honest, and loving without a need for it. I do it because it’s something I want but could easily live without.
Oddly, though, when first starting out in the “community” that mentality didn’t survive for very long. Approaching thirty girls in a night makes it really easy to not get too attached to any of them. Truthfully, you can’t! Tearing through sets all night long makes it really easy to desensitize yourself to women. Throw on top of that when guys start getting “good” and they have several makeouts or lays a week and then there is not any form of specialness to it at all.
I completely refuse to deny that the women who I talk to and meet are not human beings! The other road, the endless turning wheel of one night stands and meaningless makeouts and approaches, what’s the point? If you want to get over making women too important, then get the hell over it! Accept that it is a worthless pursuit. What do you prove? You get other little dorks on your internet forum telling you how great you are for your one night stands?
I honestly like women and enjoy their company. I like the smell of their hair and the feel of their skin. I still get excited when I go out to a first get together and I love the tension before the first kiss. I appreciate a woman with a good sense of humor and who is kind. I like good conversation. I am impressed when a woman knows what a Cronenbergmovie is or if they pay attention to politics. I don’t want to just fuck them one night then move onto the next “set”, I want to meet good people and women and have them involved in my life. Not just emptily moving throughlive searching for the next hole to stick my dick into.
My game is reflecting this mindset too. This, to me, goes along the same lines of when Brent Smith says, “you don’t have to learn how to imitate a confident man, just become one.” So when I hear stuff like, “I built more comfort” or “I asked her a specific kind of question to build a deeper connection”, why don’t you just get more comfortable and develop a good connection? I like getting to know someone now. I don’t go out approaching a billion women. Cold-approach is a complete waste of time and effort. I want to focus on Warm-Approachand usingApproach Invitations for an opening to meet and talk to a new person.
Most importantly I want to completely drop having an agenda. Lately I’m being told by the girls I hook up with, “you make me feel so comfortable.” That is the key now. Being comfortable with yourself, having no agenda, and getting to know another person, openly and with love.
With a straight face I can say that I absolutely hate Confrontational Cold-Approach Pickup. It’s stupid and creepy and needy. If I never do it again for as long as I live I will be perfectly cool with that.
On top of it, I’m tired of the fakeness of pickup and seduction. I’m tired of the strategies and tactics. It seems so pointless to me now. Why put in that much effort? Why go to a shitty club 5 nights a week, approaching 3 bazillion women, sleeping with 19 gazillion? What do you prove? What happiness does that bring?
Just like I had to pull off my constraints of neediness, I’m pulling off my constraints of proving shit to other people. Isn’t that what pickup becomes about eventually? If you say no, then do you think that you could take dating advice from a pickup “guru” who has only slept with one woman? You can get insight from anywhere and the only thing that you should use to discount it is if it isn’t consistent with your beliefs, what does sleeping with a bunch of women prove in a person’s ability to be happy?
I’m going to be open to love. I’m going to be open to appreciation. I’m going to be open to spending time and connecting with another human being.
No more games, tactics, and bullshit. No more proving anything to anyone. No more pickup dorkiness.
I’m only doing what’s real from now on. Pursing my life through my interests, no more chasing women. Making real connections with women and people, no more games and tactics. Only being my real self, not some created pickup “avatar” to “attract women”.
My true self connecting, appreciating, and loving another human being.
Otherwise, what does it really matter? It will only lead to validation, self-denial, self-hatred, and an inability to connect with yourself and others. And what I want is peace and happiness. I want my life and my dating life to positive and a benefit to my life. Not some constant battle and struggle.
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I came across this article earlier in the week and thought that this would be a good gauge for how well you are improving in your social life transformation. I, of course, will provide my own "milestone gauge" when you sign up for my program, which is coming very soon. It'll be a cool thing to be able to physically see your goals and your track towards getting there.
This post is from the site, Reality Method 2.0 and it's just indicating some "milestones" that you can use to determine if you are on the right track toward success with women and in ilfe. Hold on to this because this has some very good information. Very, very cool post.
Stay tuned for more!
Self-improvement is a challenging game. It’s tough, results are sometimes slow in coming, and it never ends.
For this reason, it’s good to be conscious of the small steps we take along the way that are worth recognizing. It’s worth paying attention to the seemingly-subtle changes in our attitudes that go a long way.
Below are a few of my favorite “turning points”. If you have met these milestones, you can take at least a moment of respite in the knowledge that you are, in fact, on the right track.
Four Subtle Signs of Success
1. You can have a good time going out by yourself. Yes, all by yourself. I know a lot of guys who are very resistant to this idea — I know just as many guys who actually prefer to go ‘lone wolf’ it. Whichever category you fit into (or neither), when you are capable of going out by yourself and having a good time — whether that be socializing, sarging, enjoying the music and the DJing or enjoying the dancing — you have arrived. You are self-sufficient. You are a party unto yourself.
It’s paradoxical but true — the avoidance of appearing to be partying by yourself — fear of the “loser” label if you are seen just sitting by yourself, drinking, not socializing — is what causes guys to do awkward, socially inept things. See also “checking out the club”. See also “going to the bathroom”. See also “nervously texting everyone in your phone in an attempt to look socially proofed”. Guys fumbling with their phones all night long are NOT sexy.
If you’re going solo, rid yourself of emotional drama about it and just do it, to the hilt. I have gotten into some great interactions by sitting, solo, like a bump on a log, drinking. If you can enjoy yourself, sitting alone and drinking, then you are golden. Everything above that will be gravy.
And, of course, the important part of all this is that you don’t just get comfortable being by yourself, and then stay that way forever. You get comfortable doing just that — and then you get bored doing just that. Your comfort being alone necessitates that you move on to the next level, which is comfort in social interactions with other people.
I guarantee you that, until you can be comfortable being alone with yourself, you will never really be as comfortable with other people as you could be.
2.When you get excited, rather than scared, by the idea of getting into socially awkward situations. This applies to AMOGing, approaching groups of girls alone, calling low-probability or old numbers up, when you decide to call rather than text, or go talk to someone face to face rather than picking up the phone. When you have made the mental step to see those situations as positive stress that will improve your ability to deal with life, rather than negative stress that have the potential to overwhelm you and send you into a downward spiral, you have made the quantum leap.
This is a good time to remember that some stress is good; in fact, without stress, life as we know it would not exist. Stress is what drives learning (any skill), growth (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual) and evolution (the process of overcoming “stressful” problems).
Now there is such a thing as negative stress. Too much stress, or constant low-level stress, wears us out and erodes our ability to function. The modern American 50-hour work week is, in fact, a great example of negative stress, and is probably behind a great deal of our chronic illnesses. But I digress. You want positive stress in your life; and when you start seeing challenging social situations as opportunities to add some positive stress, you are well on your way.
3.When you stop getting excited by the prospect of getting off. The seduction game — all of it — is about so much more than the release. As men, our principle desire is for freedom. This freedom can come in the form of an orgasm, or closing a business deal, or making a touchdown, or making a deep philosophical breakthrough, or knocking some random drunk guy the f**k out.
It’s all the same thing. It’s all about an obstacle that we perceive to be constraining us, and our smashing through that obstacle to the freedom of release and blissful freedom that waits on the other side.
I made this realization when I started being intentional about when I came. There’s a great deal of emotional and physical depth to explore when you place yourself entirely in control of making the choice. Once you have spent enough time in this place, an ejaculation may feel good, but your desire, the driving force behind it, is not the least bit slackened afterwards.
It’s then that you realize that the whole game is not about release or freedom at all. It’s about the process of engagement with the challenge of seduction, the challenge of self-improvement, and the cultivation of personal power that requires. And it never ends, ever.
In fact, the physical pawing that accompanies sex is totally empty without the mental and spiritual component of seduction. . . especially when you are overmatched by a woman who is more skilled than you in those departments. Most seduction authors would cast that as the male being ‘not skilled enough’, and that may be true as well, but I think it’s valuable to look at it from both perspectives.
When you meet a really skilled seductress, and your tactics slide off her, she is expanding you, in the same way you expand women you can easily seduce.
I am beginning to believe that the whole point of relationships — all relationships — is the advancement of one another.
If you can’t advance her, she shouldn’t waste her time with you.
If she can’t advance you, you are wasting your time sleeping with her.
This is true of your male friends as well. If someone can’t challenge you at all, you may enjoy a congenial chat with them, but you won’t be advanced. Can congeniality itself be advancing? Maybe.
4.When you realize that meditation is infinitely more rewarding than playing video games, watching movies or enjoying pornography. Although there is nothing fundamentally “wrong” with any of those things, it’s important to realize that there is a much better movie to play. The mental video game of keeping your attention fully in the present, watching the movie of your thoughts go by, will connect you with your spiritual depth in a way that even the temporary quivering excitement and variety of pornography can’t ever hope to touch.
And that way lies true personal power.
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But this is all part of a very important process for me, a process I go through every single day.
“You look like you know where you’re going.” I wait for her to respond.