Why people who don’t choose to be single stay single?

2011 Dating & Lifestyle Kickstart Guide Overview (Part 2 of 4). If you'd like to follow along from the beginning, please check out the introductory video and part 1 of the overview.

In over two years of coaching, I’ve talked to hundreds of people about their dating lives and what they think is preventing them from finding someone. I can’t say I’ve heard them all but I’ve heard a lot. After I hear what they think, I ask them one question. 

“What are you doing to change that?”

What they say next, let’s me know where the stand in creating change. Someone who will be successful won’t hesitate in answering with clear points and action items. Everyone else will either hesitate or give me one of these lines.

“I don’t know how to change that,” and,

“What do you mean?”

Most people reach that point where they know they need to do something about their “problems.” Few people get to the point of taking action. And even fewer people work hard at it consistently.

For example, I used to offer free advice on Twitter every Friday. VERY few people shot me a DM in the months I was doing it. I offered free advice for 3 days leading up to 2011 on my Facebook Fan Page. Got a few likes and comments but NO questions. I asked a few people who saw the post (they said, they loved it) why they didn’t ask questions. Two answers became prominent.

“What could you tell me that I don’t know already?”

“I didn’t want my friends to see me asking a question.”

When you ask people to DO something that they KNOW is good for them, you will get a VERY small number of people who will actually follow through. This is why you see people waste money on memberships to gyms they never go to. This why you will see thousands of comments talking about how excited people are to get free stuff but when it’s time to put things in motion, almost NO one responds. If more people took action, I’d probably have worked with closer to a couple thousand people, instead of just a few hundred.

Imagine the impact.

The moment I ask people to take action, I expect to hear silence. When I hear someone, that tells me this person is close to succeeding. But that’s only half the battle. There is a fraction of people who will show up, then give up shortly after. I’ve had clients who wanted to give up after one day of working with me because they weren’t seeing the immediate results they were looking for.

If you haven’t approached a woman in three months and won’t push yourself to do so, how can you ever have the expectation to get a woman’s number?

People focus too much on things that are irrelevant or minute in the process of development. 

I’ve spent enough time with the process of acquiring clients to know who will take action, how long it will take them to do so, who will stay throughout the process, and who will just stand on the sidelines hoping something happens to THEM. That’s why almost 75% of my long-term clients* have been in successful relationships.

Complacency is the quickest road to mediocrity.

In the next post, I will share a story of how a reluctant client was dared to work with me.

*Long-term: They worked with me for three months or longer