Breaking Through the Masks

With Halloween now behind us, it was interesting to reflect on the kinds of people I saw, how the interactions were and what all this means for you, which is obviously why I do this.

I will say that when I went out last night, there were some very creative and interesting costumes. I mean I was really impressed with what I saw. I saw 4 guys dressed up as the crew from Entourage, a few Marilyn Monroes, a firefighter, Robin Hood, security guards, Jesus, cats, a keg, Tom Brady (on crutches), Tony Montana, Power Rangers (yeah, they’re still around), Amy Winehouse and a bunch more. It was fun.

Standing in line, waiting to go inside of a bar, I noticed that everyone was approaching each other asking what their costumes were. Everyone was out to have a good time and meet people. It was so cool to see and be a part of. And it sounds crazy because you would think that people go out to have fun and meet people all the time. But this was much different.

I realized a few interesting things. Halloween is one of the holidays where people are most likely to hook up. Makes sense, really. Besides the alcohol-induced entertainment going around all over the city there is something else that is going on here.

When we wear costumes, we are literally putting on a mask and assuming that identity. Which means we can act however and say whatever we want and it’s justifiable because we are in costume – it’s not who we really are. When in this costume for this one night, we feel like there’s nothing to lose because we’re not hurting our own identity – it’s just a costume. And why does it matter anyway? It only happens once a year. As a result, there is a huge increase in people projecting confidence and people are much more open to conversation because not only do they want to be approached, they want people to talk about their costume and say how cool it is.

Think of the costume itself as a great icebreaker that will work every time.

The easiest opener last night was, “who are you supposed to be?” Just like that – instant conversation. What was cool was paying attention to where the conversation led. If someone was just interested in the costume, they would keep asking questions about the costume like, “how did you come up with that?” or, “where did you get all the gear?” If someone was actually interested in the person behind the costume, they would stop talking about the costume and asking questions about the person.

“So who are you here with?”

“What brings you here?”

“Have you been to this place before?”

It’s just a shame that it has to take a holiday for people to make an excuse to hide behind a false identity and be more social. If we could work on it everyday, who knows what could happen. Fortunately, with Halloween being on a Friday, this celebration will continue throughout the weekend. So if you’re going out, if you see someone dressed up in something cool, all you have to do is ask, “Who are you?”

But let this also be a lesson that it’s so easy to approach people and start conversation. Remember the whole thing about stating the obvious? Well a costume couldn’t be a more obvious thing to talk about. But when this holiday is over and people start wearing normal clothes again, the same rule applies. Notice something about them or the environment around them and make a comment on it. The kind of comment where you know the both of you are thinking the same thing except you have the guts to actually say it. Get it?

So who are (were) you for Halloween?

Wow, I Can't Believe I Did This

Fresh from doing my first Podcast yesterday and having the chance to reflect on it while at work today, it made me think of one thing. Man, did I just put myself out there – and it was great.

It’s hard to believe but when things like that go down, I get pretty nervous. The same really goes for when I approach a really attractive woman. I remember right before the Podcast, I was sweating and breathing rather quickly – yeah, I know, it sounds silly but well go through this. Then it just hit me. “Thomas, do you realize what you are doing? How many people would be able to do what you are doing? And besides, not only are you helping others out face their fears and improve themselves, but your mere presence alone will be the example of how to defeat your demons.”

After that pep talk, I was good to go, and the Podcast went really well for the first episode, despite the moments of blurriness. Once I edit it, it’ll be up for all to see!

But for me to take that risk was huge for me. It’s not like I am camera-shy – I’ve been on TV a few times and love to be in photos. There was just something in me that made me nervous. And in times like that, when I don’t understand why I’m nervous, I just automatically assume that I just need to ignore it and take the risk. Now, I’m excited to be on camera. And I do this with anything. It just doesn’t matter to me anymore. There is nothing really terrible that can come from taking a risk. You can only learn from it and learning to improve yourself is never a bad thing.

Be prepared to start seeing some video posts in the future.

But when you feel like the pressure is getting to you, make the decision to take the risk. If you let the pressure win, chances are it’s going to be even harder to beat it when you face the adversity again. That made sense, right? Don’t let the pressure of doing something you really want to do take over your life. You make the take-over and battle your demons.

Make the move and go for it! Life is all about learning and as far as I’m concerned, you are always in position to better yourself. I’m lying here in bed and as I’m writing this, I am learning so much more about the kind of person I am becoming and it amazes me. You need to do that too – well you’ll probably learn more out of bed but you get my point.

A really good person, Chris Brogan, who I consider a friend, said this only an hour ago,

“If you're not failing at something, you're not living a full enough life. Respect relationships but break the he'll out of everything else. And if you break relationships, say sorry, try your best, and love your own way.”

I don’t think I need to explain this.

If there is a time when you start feeling nervous, acknowledge it and then whatever it is you’re nervous about – do it anyway. Afraid to eat that last piece of blueberry pie? Don't know why you would but eat it. See that hot woman over there sitting down with her coffee, reading a book? Go ask her what she’s reading. Want to wear that flashy vest out but don’t think it’s like what you normally wear? Wear it tonight! Do what you like!

Promise me that you’ll go out and do something that you’ve always been nervous about. I’m telling you that you are guaranteed to learn something from the experience, whether you succeed or fail. You are also going to feel less pressure – you might actually want to do it again. Imagine that. And all it takes is practice.

Like I always say: it’s not going to be an overnight transformation. This will take time. But be persistent, work hard and you’ll get better at anything you put your mind to.

If you want to talk to me more about this, email me at infinity@recklessstudio.com.

The Pick Up Artist Episode 3: Review

 

So now that Kevin is gone, who’s going to be my favorite? Well, I know as soon as I mention his name, he’ll be eliminated within a couple of weeks. So I’m going to say his name anyway. Brian.

Yes, the other Asian has become my favorite. I knew he would do well but what I failed to acknowledge is the fun factor out of all of this. Yes, when you are learning something that will change your life, it should be taken seriously. But in the process of knowing that your life will forever change, wouldn’t it be nice to have fun? And out of the entire group, Brian is the only one that truly enjoys this journey and has fun with it.

But, let’s get into this week’s show.

So Mystery takes the remaining contestants to a medial facility and talks to them about the science of attraction, which I thought was pretty interesting. We all have gone through this many times in our lives and I’ll admit that I still go through this on occasion. When you see that absolutely gorgeous woman and you want to talk to her, your hands get all sweaty, you start breathing heavily and just get generally nervous. Well one of the things that I like to preach is just to be laid back about the moment and enjoy yourself. Mystery says the same thing, pretty much – to regulate your breathing and maintain warm hands.

That being said, Mystery decides to test them to see who has the most control under a stressful situation. The winner’s reward would be the ability to hang out in the truck and watch the other players in the night’s field challenge before he has to go out there himself. That is a huge advantage and it almost guarantees being safe from elimination if done properly.

Well the way this challenge was set up was that they would be hooked up to this machine that would monitor heartbeat and other vitals. As the doctor is hooking these guys up, the stimulus shows up in the form of Samantha, who is dressed up as a hot nurse. Considering it’s almost Halloween, I am pretty excited to see some hot nurses out there this weekend. She had a smoking body and I certainly would not complain if she fell in my lap but for some reason, I feel like she wouldn’t be my type. Interesting. I might have to look into that a little more.

So everyone pretty much failed at keeping his cool. Karl did a decent job and Simeon was really weird because he tried to take the whole thing too seriously…and still failed. But the winner the Greg and it wasn’t even close. Like I said, if you’re having fun, you tend to do better in anything you interact with in life. Hot women included.

Mystery then gets into the topic of the day: Body Language

With this topic, Mystery also decides to bring back the winner of season 1, Kosmo. Here, Kosmo talks about how it is important for the guys to realize that this is about building a life. And he’s right, it is about building a life. It’s not about just picking up women. It’s about having the confidence, the will and the motivation to go out there and accomplish any goal you set forth.

But really quickly, there are a few things to point out about body language and interacting with the opposite sex. Your body language is going to say more than anything you could possibly say with your mouth. Girls have this unbelievable ability of reading body language. If your body language is not congruent with what you are saying or who you are projecting to be, they will pick up on it and maybe call you out on it. Either way, you lose your chance with her. There are the common telltale signs of nervousness and “lower value.” Things like gesturing wildly, playing with the straw in your drink, keeping your drink at your chest, leaning in and other things are basic examples of things that guys do, don’t notice and are habitual.

Mystery’s approach with body language is something I would pay attention to because it’s very non-threatening and it conveys the highest value. Like I said, being laid back and enjoying the experience is what you should convey at all times. Examples of that would be to shift your weight to one side when standing, keeping your hands out of your pockets, keeping your drink by your side and leaning back often. Even when approaching a group, sometimes it’s good to talk over your shoulder, just to show that you’re just creating conversation and having fun. With the combination of that and using false time constraints (FTC), people will want you to join in on conversations, no matter what the subject is.

Simeon has a sit-down with Kosmo and talks about his struggles. Simeon has really good potential. He just needs to regulate his energy a little bit more and he should be fine. He may have some little issues here and there but they can be corrected rather quickly. Basically, Kosmo says, “You gotta defeat your demons.”
Couldn’t say it any better. If you are having issues in life and want to better yourself, you have to face those issues head-on and beat them.

All the guys have a motivational session before going out. Their challenge for the night is to use proper body language to attract and isolate a woman or a group of women.

I’ll have my complete analysis in my next post.

Greg, with the advantage wins the challenge, although I thought it was pretty close this time.

Rian has a breakdown, which brings his Breakdown Count up to 4.

Elimination ceremony and the medallion that is presented to the winners is the Laguz, which is the rune of cleansing. You can learn all about it here. It’s pretty cool.

Karl ends up getting eliminated. Once again, another guy I thought had serious potential gets the door. He was slow in improvement so I can understand why. I just wonder which pick up artist is going to want to help him finish his transformation.

Stay tuned for my complete analysis of each interaction these guys go through. There weren’t really many so this should be pretty simple. And because there were a few isolations, it’ll be fun to talk about how and why these things happened.

As always, comments are always appreciated.

There Are Other Ways To Tie A Tie - You Know What I'm Talking About

We all remember when we first learned how to tie a tie. Most guys would say that their father taught them. To be honest, my dad never taught me. I mean, my dad rarely wears a tie and I love him for that. He was all about the collarless button-downs. I actually learned how to tie a tie from a friend of mine. But unless we were fortunate enough to have a father that knew more than one way to tie a tie, we were destined to tie it the same way, which after a while can get pretty lame.

I decided that I wanted to at least know a different way to tie a tie.

Well, after some looking around, I came across an article from AskMen.com, by Brandon Dyce about the different ways to tie a tie - there are 4! I would personally check this out and practice this in the mirror. For some reason, I think it would be a cool thing to know.

When it comes to tie-tying, most of us are one-dimensional at best. Some guys mastered the art of a single knot a long time ago, and then left well enough alone; those of us who seldom wear ties either leave the thing tied or rely on a clip. And not that any of this is right or wrong, but as men, especially well-dressed men, we should possess the practical skills of learning how to tie a tie and creating various tie knots. It’s not a “one-knot-fits-all” world we live in. So, in an attempt to increase your tie-tying acumen, here is a quick look at how to tie a tie and achieve four of the most popular knots.

Windsor

The granddaddy of them all, the Windsor is the most traditional knot and it the first one to master when you learn how to tie a tie; it creates a hefty, professional-looking knot, meaning that it works best for any occasion when you want to look completely respectable.

1. Place the tie around your shoulders, top-side up, with the fat end hanging roughly a foot lower than the skinny end.


2. Cross the fat portion over the skinny end to make an X fairly close to your neck (around the second shirt button).


3. Loop the fat end underneath the thin end and up through the neck loop. Drop it down so that it overlaps the thin end again.


4. Pull the fat end behind the bundle of cloth you've created (your first step toward the final knot) to the left. Pull it up and drop it down through the neck loop again, then pull it to the left again.


5. Pull the fat end over from left to right, overlapping your evolving knot.


6. Pull the fat end up through the loop again, behind what now looks like a nearly complete knot.


7. Bring the fat end back down and insert it through the knot.


8. Finish your knot by tightening it. In doing so, you will see the beginnings of a natural dimple form. Manipulate it manually to make this dimple as distinct as possible. Its purpose is to add depth to an otherwise flat, bland-surfaced tie, and concurrently to mark you as a man of style. You will never leave the house without a dimple in your tie again.

Half-Windsor

In the same vein as the Windsor, the Half-Windsor enjoys a professional prestige and polished reputation; however, it’s not quite as bulky, which makes it a better option for narrower collars and softer shirts.

1. Place the tie around your shoulders, top-side up, with the fat end hanging roughly a foot lower than the skinny end.


2. Cross the fat portion over the skinny end to make an X fairly close to your neck (around the second shirt button).


3. Pull the fat end behind the thin end to the right, then up in front of it and down through the neck loop.


4. Pull the fat end over from right to left, overlapping your evolving knot.


5. Pull the fat end up through the loop again, behind what now looks like a nearly complete knot.


6. Bring the fat end back down and insert it through the knot.


7. Finish your knot by tightening it; again, accentuate that dimple.

Four-in-Hand

Looking for a knot with little time-investment and less pretension? The Four-in-Hand is all yours. It’s an on-the-go knot that works with both casual looks and narrow collars.

1. Place the tie around your shoulders, top-side up, with the fat end hanging roughly a foot lower than the skinny end.


2. Cross the fat portion over the skinny end to make an X fairly close to your neck (around the second shirt button).


3. Wrap the fat end around the thin end, then up through the neck loop. Drop the fat end back down and through the knot.


4. Finish your knot by tightening it. Note that the dimple is much harder to produce on this kind of knot and may prove entirely elusive.

Pratt

The Pratt is that well-rounded knot most guys will depend on religiously; its symmetrical look and less complicated construction deem the Pratt the most universal knot that goes with any dress shirt.

1. Place the tie around your neck upside down (with the seams facing outward). Note that the fat end should be hanging lower than the thin end.


2. Cross the two ends over to form an X and flip the fat end up and through the loop to form a knot around the smaller end.


3. Pull both ends apart quite tightly to ensure your knot is snug, then bring the fat end of the tie over the thin end to cover your first knot.


4. Pull the fat end up and through the loop, then drop it down through the knot.

5. Tighten and dimple up.

So practice, learn what you can, and tie it all together. It's a subtle change to your wardrobe that people DO notice.

The Countdown to Podcast Infinity Continues!

As the countdown to Podcast Infinity continues, I just wanted to talk about a few things really quickly.

I am so pumped for this! I don’t know what about it has me excited but it just does. Maybe I have the opportunity to help tons more people out there. Maybe I can provide a weekly segment of entertainment for some. I have no idea what to expect and that alone keeps me excited!

The second thing is that you are all more than welcome to come by the Draft and hang out. I mean, don’t come just for me – although, that would be nice. There are always cool things going on at the Draft.

Tonight, there is karaoke going on starting…actually right now! They are also serving 25-cent wings, which for me is worth the trip. I might actually go down there – since I am hungry and all.

Wednesday night, after Podcast Infinity, the Draft will hold their weekly trivia contest. Being a huge trivia guy, I would love to assemble a team and try to take out the competition.

There are always things going on at the Draft so I hope to see you there sometime. And did I mention that they have over 17 different drafts, flat screens and the occasional live music? It’s just a good place to go to and the people who work there are cool. Be sure to say hi to my boys Derek, Jesse and Tim for me! I’d give love to the bartenders but I only know Jen. She’s cool – I guess.

So enjoy the countdown and I hope to inspire, motivate and entertain you while we all strive to achieve the success we deserve!

October Style Inspiration from Jae

Every month, Jae, from Kinowear, a blog devoted to style, has a monthly inspiration post where he talks about some things that are up and coming in fashion. I have decided to include it in my style article stash. There are many things to take from here and it's a good way to update your wardrobe, month-to-month. If there is anything to take from this post, take this:

Start adding scarves to your wardrobe!

Here's the actual blog post.

Time for another monthly inspirational style article! Here are some styles and ideas you can creatively infuse into your current look:

Lose the plain skullcap this season and go for something more stylish like this thick cable knit beanie that David Beckham is wearing. I love how it’s a bit oversized and balanced with his thick hoodie. It adds just the right amount of flair to his casual outfit.

Speaking of Beckham, he often likes to wear boots with his casual outfits. These are the boots he wore when he signed his million dollar soccer deal. I checked them out and they’re by Frye - definitely a sweet pair of motorcycle style boots to get for this winter. [where to get them]

As I was looking for some Halloween costume ideas, I came across a picture of Ryan Reynolds who played Hannibal King in Blade:Trinity. Rumor said he did not only gain 20 pounds of muscles, but also reduced his body fat percentage from 11% to 3%. If this doesn’t inspire you to work out then I don’t know what will. Having a great body makes everything fit so much better.

We’ve all seen colorful sneakers out and about in the streets, but dress shoes? I think this entire outfit is badass. Definitely not something an older man should be wearing, but some awesome inspiration for the younger guys out there. I love the personality that the belt shows and the gloves and sunglasses give him the edge of a hitman.

Men should not be afraid to wear fur, but at the same time they should not overdo it. Less is more - a small amount of fur will attract attention and exude masculine confidence. A lot of their time designers will look to nature for inspiration. The piece above reminds me of a lion’s mane.

If you’ve read my last article, you already know that a scarf is the easiest way to spruce up your entire outfit. Instead of just having your scarf hang down, try tying your scarf around your neck like this for a more rakish look. [scarves at Urban Outfitters]

I see a lot of guys at parties wearing dress shirts, but rarely do I see them wearing color. Wearing color is such a great way to stand out of the bland crowd and display that you’re more confident about yourself. If you’re not comfortable about going with a bolder, solid colored shirt, wear something more subtle like this red striped shirt above.

Something I like to do when I go out to party is to ditch the tie, and instead, dress up a blazer with some fancy cuff links. It keeps that cool balance between a relaxed look and that surprising little flair of tasteful style.

Got any inspirational style pieces or looks?
Send them to styleinspirations@kinowear.com to be featured next time!

Podcast Infinity Starts This Wednesday at 9 PM at the Draft Bar!!

Yes! It’s true. I have been researching trying to figuring out how to be more interactive with my audience and I figure this is the best way to do it. Welcome to Podcast Infinity.

Every Wednesday, we will host a live show inside a local bar in the Boston area. This week, we will be at the Draft Bar in Allston, MA. We will talk about various topics about dating and self-improvement, from different methods to approaching women to realizing what it takes to keep the woman of your dreams. Other topics will include, style, general appearance, building self-esteem and getting over your sticking points that prevent you from doing things. We will also talk about dating news and topics as they spring up over the week on the Internets. And lastly, we will have some impromptu Q&A sessions with actual local people, finding out more about lifestyle and dating.

You should be able to check out the episode on the web every Friday night.

Who knows, maybe you’ll get to see some live pickups and analysis as well.

I know this is going to be a very fun show to do and I am excited to bring you all even more content.

If you already have an idea of what topics you’d like me to cover, feel free to email me at infinity@recklessstudio.com.

Take Off Your Pants!

This reminds me of something that I’d like to finally share with you. I will tell you right now that you are not going to believe this story. This story sounds so absurd but I am telling you now that this is REAL. And this story made me realize something good. Can’t really imagine what good can come out of this but you’ll see my point. So, here it goes.

My buddy (we’ll call him Max), his girlfriend (we’ll call her Ashley) and his guy friend (let’s call him Jake) just came back from a late-night dinner. Everyone was having a good time. Max and Ashley thought it was cool to bring Jake along because he was a good guy and fun to hang with. They were having a great time but it was time to head back home and call it a night.

So they get to the hotel and go into the elevator. Jake was in the back of the elevator and Max and Ashley were by the door, with Max’s back turned to Jake as the doors close and they’re on their way up.

As they were slowly going up, Ashley screamed, “Eww!” Max asked, “What’s wrong?” Ashley pointed and Max turned around, only to see Jake, with his pants at his ankles making kissy faces to Ashley. Now I know Max. He’s a good guy and I know he’s going to keep his cool, even in times of absurdity. He was obviously creeped out by Jake’s actions and immediately told him to knock it off and put his pants back on. Max turns back around toward Ashley and looks up to notice that they’re about 5 more floors until they can get off. Then things get more ridiculous.

This time, Ashley screams, “oh, my God! What are you doing?”

Max turns around and sees his friend Jake with now his underwear down his jewels tucked in between his legs, still making kissy faces. This time, Max was not so cool. He shoves Jake and Jake trips over his pants around his ankles and falls back onto the wall of the elevator. At that time, Max and Ashley reach their floor and practically sprint off, leaving Jake in the elevator, pantsless and wondering what happened.

Max later told me that he forgave his friend and because of different culture interpretation, Jake thought that because Ashley was being friendly to him, he thought she wanted to have sex with him.

I know, it sounds absurd but in other cultures this is the normal. I guess it would make sense to include the fact that no alcohol was consumed prior to this event.

So what about this story made me think of something good? Well, clearly this is about breaking your social comfort…and taking off your pants.

We are all afraid to do something that we’re not used to. You know it’s going to be nerve-racking because you don’t know what may result. That in turn causes you to freak out and not want to do it. Do you ever get over it and just do it? No? Well here is my motivation to you. Take off your pants and go for it!

Now don’t really take off your pants, but consider this. We live in a world where anything is possible. You will only live once and time does not stop. On the timeline of your life, there are things that you will always remember. Then, there are things that you don’t remember. Now this might be a little difficult to type but try and try and follow me here.

All of these things that you don’t remember, those things are made up of good and bad experiences. Maybe you were picked on a lot in elementary school. Maybe, there was this one time where you tripped in the cafeteria and everyone laughed at you. Maybe, you said something to a group of people and you were totally embarrassed and they made fun of you. Those events aren’t important to you now, right? Then what makes today any different?

See that gorgeous woman walking by you? Say something. She might continue to walk by you and you’ll never see her again. Or maybe she’ll stop and talk to you. Either way, you may not ever see her again and years from now you’ll forget her. But…what if she likes you and you get to see her again? What if she really likes you and she becomes your girl? What if you two fall in love and get married? What if she fulfills every void in your life you didn’t even think you had? That to me is worth at least, “Hi.”

But it doesn’t stop there. What if you want to try a different career? What if you hate your job? Not sure what will happen? Doesn’t sound safe to just leave your secure job and try something a little more risky? But what if you do and you come across a multi-million dollar idea? Or what if you just find a job that makes you happy and wouldn’t mind doing it for the rest of your life? Isn’t that worthwhile to venture off and look for it?

If you are in a position where you are not satisfied with where you are in your life, you need to forget everything you learned prior to that moment and just go out there. You won’t have any armor to hide behind, you’ll be more vulnerable and exposed but isn’t that the time when we learn the most? Stepping outside your comfort box is a hard thing to do, but you have to remember, you don’t have much to lose and so much more to gain. After a while, you'll get used to it and trying new things just to better yourself will be something you'll want to do all the time. Just be conscious of your circumstances before going for it. You certainly have my support in trying something new and going beyond your comfort. Hey, who knows? Maybe that area outside your comfort zone may actually be…comfortable.

So take off your pants! But please – use discretion.

Complete Analysis of Men Trying to "Pick Up" Women

So, like I said, I am going to talk about every interaction on VH1’s the Pickup Artist. These guys go out on challenges and interact with women. The commentary Mystery gives is not in-depth enough (considering the time constraint – I’m sure he could talk for hours). So, this is where I come in. You can see my review of Episode 2 here.

Here is the rundown of every interaction these guys had and I’ll point out what was great and not so great about the interaction.

Matt has some great confidence about him, which I expect. Then a woman approached him and said, “That’s hot.” He did some creepy thing with the boa and said thank you. End game.

Listen, when a woman approaches you and says something, they are putting themselves out there to connect with you. Women don’t have to do that because they have so many guys putting themselves out there for them. So far them to do that clearly shows that they may be attracted to you. You have to take advantage of that and start a conversational thread. You have to. If someone gave you keys to a Ferrari, are you going to say thank you and not take it? Extreme example, I know but it can equate to the same magnitude of missing out if you don’t jump on these signs of interest.

Another girl approaches him and it works for only a couple of seconds and it fizzles. Why? He lets the girl wear it for only a few seconds and then takes it back saying, “it looks better on me.” How is that making her feel good? Make her hold on to it. If she runs away, she runs away. It’s a boa! What value does it have to you? He just got it from Mystery. Come on. He would have to expect a friend to jump in there and save her. He wasn’t being nice to her at all.

Todd goes in and asks a woman, “would you go on the Montell Williams show?” It’s a good one, but I was interested to see where he was going to go with this. He smiles and it was money. Then he says, “you know, when you smile, your nose wiggles a bit.” A great neg. Makes any honest woman subconscious about it because you’re pointing out something that you notice about her. If you follow it with, “it’s cute.” Then she’s not going to feel offended by it. She’s actually going to love it because something that she may feel insecure about is not something that a guy likes about her. Right away, he uses a false-time constraint (FTC), “seriously, I have to go join my friends in a second.” Then she says that she found his piercing sexy, a clear indication of interest (IOI). You can just run with it at that point. Then he’s able to get a free drink from the woman. Pretty solid interaction if you ask me. Cheers!

Greg jumps right into a set and talks about how he sparred with Andy Dick. Probably not the best opener. You could definitely save it for later when you are trying to demonstrate social value (DHV) to a group, but not right at the beginning. It sounds too absurd to be true and it actually doesn’t make sense in the interaction. The woman will have no idea how to respond to that. Which is why the woman asked him, “so, what was the point of that story?” Nothing much you can do at that point.

So jumps right into another set. I was able to pause it and check out his body language. The women look at him, he’s looking away with his body at a ¾ turn. His posture is upright, chest out and chin up. It is perfect! The definition of the “alpha” position.

“What do you think about tattoos on girls?” Another solid question you could ask anyone. The Name Tattoos routine is a great conversational starter. Don’t believe me? Ask this very same question to your friends and see what kind of conversation comes out of it.

But anyway, he didn’t talk to the other woman and the more he ignored her, the most the woman lost interest. Once you lose one person in a set, you eventually lose them all. He did leave the set pretty quickly which was good timing.

Rian goes around and starts engaging everyone. He goes into a set, acknowledging the guy first and uses the Elvis routine.

Goes into another set and she asks a question and the woman just turns her back without saying anything. Pretty rude.

But he goes into another set. This started to bother me because he wasn’t creating any attraction here. He was just going around talking to people and then leaving after the conversation died out. Your classic case of being an open whore. This time he goes into a 6-set but that was too overwhelming. So he leaves…

Simeon has great energy. You can just feel it. It’s cool because it gives him an aura of the kind of person that you just want to know. He goes into a set and asks for a female opinion. Some douchbag screams, “shut the fuck up.” This will happen. But man, what a douche. There are so many things you could say to that, but check out what happens after. He ignores it and tries to keep going. But then he realizes that it’s not worth it. Then you notice that this girl gives him a face as he walks away. There was no reason for that. Anyone that’s her friend should be embarrassed. Someone being nice and harmless comes in and wants to start conversation and that’s how you treat them? Wow. I would love NOT to meet your friends. Tara immediately says “what a bitch.” Choice words.

So he goes into another set. He talks about maybe getting more piercings but you tell that his energy is just too high for the group he is talking to. You want to have high energy, but just a little bit more than the energy of the group. That way, you serve as somewhat of a pick me up for the group. Too high energy will come off as try-hard and a little weird.

They cut into him approaching another set and doing the spells routine. He successfully opens a 5-set and starts talking to everyone. Then one of the women in the group says, “I’m bored with this.” I wasn’t shocked at all. It wasn’t his fault. He was just getting into the wrong sets. These women were just terrible. There is a difference between being bitchy because you want to spare wasting time with a guy you’re not interested and actually being a bitch. If you were to see these interactions, you would agree with me to an extent that these women were not just acting bitchy. Tara complains again and Mystery reinforces his point of how hard us guys have it. And he’s right to a point. When you just get hit with bad vibes and people are just flat out rude, it does make things hard.

Karl He goes into a set with the spells routine. He engages the entire group but then when the conversation dies, so does he. He seems rocked by it. Tries to think of another opener but just psyches himself out.

Brian Goes into a set and does the Mick Jagger routine. “Do you think Mick Jagger is hot?” It opens up the set but he doesn’t interact with the guys.

Let me say that if you are going to go into a mixed set men and women, make sure if you are going into this set by yourself, make sure you pay respect to the men of the group. If you do that, then you don’t have to worry about them later. Some guys are actually pretty nice guys. Don’t get into that frame thinking that every guy out there that you’ll approach is going to be a douchebag. It’ll be cool. Which is why I always say, “talk to everybody.”

Then he busts out the “pickle juice” crap Matador fed him. It actually worked and that’s because Brian knew the perfect time to use it. It was well executed. You can do that with any off-the-wall comment, but you have to understand the timing and the kind of group you are talking to.

He goes into another set, does the Mick Jagger opener and then right away, introduces himself to the guy. It was perfect! Just put down all the guns pointed at you. You’ll get yourself another 2-3 minutes before those guns come back up. He’s pumping out a good vibe and just being great. He gives a high-five, grabs her hand and gives her a spin. On point. Then she gives him a hug. Why? Because she’s having a great time and she’s letting him know that. Then what does he do? He grabs her and picks her up off the floor. He’s been hanging around Matador way too much. But I do like this because it continues the playful attitude that everyone loves. He did a great job.

And I gotta say, the hair is growing on me. At first I thought it was too much but it works for him and his personality. Besides, who am I to say anything about anyone else’s hair? My hair can get out of control sometimes.

Kevin Ah, Kevin. So much potential but absolutely no experience whatsoever. He goes into a set and does the Herman routine. “Ladies, would you date a guy whose name is Herman?” It’s a fun routine to use. I would recommend using it just to be playful. The problem here is that Kevin started swearing way too much. Too, too much.

He goes into another set, doing the same routine. This time, he doesn’t interact with the guy next to him; he creeps out the women and then just goes way too fast in his conversation. Not good. He seems a little desperate and just gets too focused on the opener. Women pick this up immediately and become less attracted.

So I hope you can use this material to better analyze what you could do better while you’re out there. It’s great to be able to see these things for yourself, so be sure to look out for episodes online!

Any questions or comments are always welcome.

Vests Are In Now! Do You Have One?

So lately, I have been obsessed with what the big deal is with vests. Sweater vests and button-downs. When I saw them being used on the Pick Up Artist Season 2 on VH1, I wasn't sure about it. My buddy, Ty is notorious for wearing vests whenever we went out and it worked for him. I didn’t think that it would look as good on me but it was cool. Since I have been more open to trying new things in my wardrobe, I have decided to start giving vests a chance.

A few weeks ago, I went into Express and bought a sweater vest with the argyle pattern. Pretty solid. I love it.

Then I met someone is my buddy now, Ben Grossman. He loves sweater vests, wears them all the time and knows a thing or two about finding really good ones. He actually got me excited about wearing vests, which I thought was pretty cool! I'll see if he'd like to add his two cents here at a later time.

Then I came across this article in the newspaper. Yeah, I still read the newspapers sometimes. But of course I was able to find it online. So here it is. It's is from the Boston Herald's The Edge and it's by Jill Radsken.

Vest intentions: Classic silhouette is trendy again

Man girdle or exciting new menswear option?

The vest’s return this fall gives men more choices in the closet, but at least one expert cautions against using the sleeveless garment as Spanx.

“If you are a skinny-to-average build, this is a silhouette for you,” said Steve Cardino, men’s fashion director at Macy’s. “If you have a little bit of a stomach, move to the cardigan.”

Count Jared Bowen of Boston among the slender types who has embraced the vest - actually three of them - with glee.

“I just love the look,” he said. “It’s sort of old-world style without seeming too antiquated.”

Bowen, who works as a reporter for WGBH-TV’s “Greater Boston,” wears his vests at work and out for dinner. His most recent purchase, a midnight-hued woven piece by Giorgio Armani, usually gets paired with a white shirt and sport coat.

“And you have to be very careful of the pants you choose,” he said. “I don’t think you can wear it with jeans. It starts to look slovenly.”

Jonathan Plazonja thinks otherwise. The self-employed branding consultant from Brookline counts a charcoal-colored Marmot with jeans and a Paul Smith blazer as a favorite.

“I like mixing different styles,” said Plazonja, who channels such contrasting fashion icons as Cary Grant and David Bowie with the vests. “Even with a suit, it’s a great look.”

In these tough economic times, the vest also is relatively inexpensive, Plazonja added. Instead of buying a high-end label at a designer boutique, he scours consignments shops.

Mike Witt hasn’t decided whether to add a new or a gently worn vest to his wardrobe. But the 47-year-old, who owns Mike Witt Interior Design in Boston, said the fitted, high-button garment is any man’s best option.

“It holds you upright and it’s a bit more proper,” he said.

Witt, a sucker for a crisp white shirt, doesn’t own a single three-piece suit. But he finds the vest has the power to transform any outfit.

“It takes something very casual and makes it a bit more tailored without going the jacket route,” he said. “You put it under a jacket and it takes it to the next level.”

But Steve Cardino of Macy’s believes the vest shouldn’t be hidden under a jacket.

“It’s meant to be worn as a separate,” he said. “It’s meant to stand on its own.”

As for the button-popping guys sucking in their guts to squeeze into a vest, Cardino reiterated this advice: “The cardigan’s also very trendy - and more forgiving.”

Having read this, I immediately had the impulse to try this out. I remember when I last wore a vest. I was in elementary school. I was a suede vest and it was my favorite piece of clothing ever. I kept it almost through high school even though I couldn't even fit in it. It was also outdated and it was time to let go. Didn't think the vest would come back but since they are back, it was worth a shot.

So I went to Express again and I ran into these two.

A velvet vest:

And a tuxedo vest, a drastically more formal type of wear.

I felt great wearing these two and they looked so good with the shirts that I have.

The vest is an underrated accessory bound to take your wardrobe to the next level. I plan on wearing one tonight. Can't wait!

If you have any questions, feel free to comment and email me.