Motivation: The Confidence Killer

Motivation can be your biggest mind block -- and most of us don’t even know it.

Generally when people know what they need to work on, they get motivated. But when they don’t actually work on it, they believe the motivation wasn’t enough.

But that’s wrong.

If you weren’t motivated, you wouldn’t feel the urge the do research, read as much as you can -- or even reach out to an expert to get help.

For example, you know the benefits of improving your social skills, from getting more dates, to being in a quality relationship, to living a better lifestyle. For many, that’s more than enough motivation. 

But caring about the benefits isn’t enough. When you don’t act, you believe it’s a motivational problem and as a result, you’re completely missing the solution that will actually get you the results you’ve been looking for.

The TRUE solution? Action.

Motivation is your state of mind; action is your physical practice. You will always need motivation to get started but taking action makes you follow-through, otherwise, your mind will always get in the way of your success.

Think about all the opportunities you’ve had to approach a woman. You finally decide to do it but when that moment comes, you think, “she’s with her friends,” “she’s not looking to meet anyone,” or “I don’t know what to say.”

The more you motivate yourself and don’t follow-through, it actually makes it harder and more stressful to take action. Then, you’ll end up in this awful cycle of motivating yourself more and amplifying your disappointment when you fail to take action.

So how do you get out of this cycle?

Stop f-ing thinking.

You are your own worst enemy. The key to success is ignoring yourself.

Once you make a decision for what you will do, don’t allow your mind to negotiate with yourself. Commit and ignore the mind games that follow.

“Tomorrow night, I will approach 3 women and start conversation with each of them.”

When the opportunity comes, your mind will start distracting you from doing it. Ignore it.

But as a strategist I know it won’t be easy so below are ways you can set yourself up for success so you blow through the motivational phase and start taking action.

Create and commit to a SPECIFIC plan. Use numbers so you constantly have measurable goals such as approaching 2 women per day, asking 1 woman out on a date per week or going to a social mixer a couple times a week.

Make a decision and WRITE it down. Physically writing things down increases accountability, making it more likely you’ll take action.

Work with a coach -- or if you can’t afford one, go out with a friend who knows what you want to accomplish. Accountability to another person is the strongest push to action. Most people are ok letting themselves down but not letting someone else down.

Place yourself in environments that play to your strengths. If you don’t like clubs where you have to lose your voice speaking over loud music, stop going there. The more comfortable you are in a space, the easier it becomes to follow-through with meeting women. Think about why house parties are always fun to go to.

The mind games you play before taking action is short-lived. Once you open your mouth to say hi, your mind will stop bothering you. Also, as you continue to take action, you’ll build momentum that will make each action you take easier.

Regardless if you fail the first several times, patience and discipline will play huge roles. It will only take one success to get things going.

When it comes to developing social skills, no one will stop you from being successful except for yourself. Give yourself permission to be the best you possibly can.

Where do you feel motivation has prevented you from taking action? Do you feel you're currently stuck in the disappointment cycle?