How Speed Kills In Dating

This is the email two of three that I sent out to the members of the Wingman Labs. Here's the first one. While reading this, think about where your maturity / experience level is and how it can affect your dating.


And we're not talking about the Keanu Reeves movie.The major theme we're discussing here is speed in courtship. This is inspired by a client who was having issues moving past the third date with quality and compatible women over several months.

When a man likes a woman, he will typically work really hard in the courtship process to show that he's a viable candidate for a long-term relationship. But the problem will typically lie with how they go about it.

Guys who are inexperienced will typically take things much slower, spending tons of time and money, trying to prove to women that they are total long-term (read: boyfriend) material. Traditional thinking would say this works. The problem is it doesn't because there is another guy who is working hard to show her that he's NOT boyfriend material.

And it's working.

Think about it -- there are many women who will deny liking the "bad boy," yet they somehow find themselves in relationships with these guys they "don't like." What needs to be understood here is women are attracted to some of the qualities "bad boys" project -- qualities you probably have but never project because you're worried it's not what she's looking for in a boyfriend.

Get it now?

This isn't about trying to have sex with her as quickly as possible -- although it does play a role in the courtship process in today's dating world. This is about making intimacy a higher priority over romance. Once the intimacy is established, you can then ramp up the romance once you decide you'd like to be her boyfriend.

For women, this is important to understand so you don't get caught up with these "bad boys." How can you tell the difference? For one, "bad boys" will never change their behavior after they have sex with you. They won't ramp up romance or try to position themselves to be quality long-term material. But also keep in mind that holding out sex isn't the solution. Guys rank physical compatibility high on their list and are not very forgiving on that.