How hard should it be to put this back together?I remember being back home in Boston for spring break, trying to make plans with my girlfriend to hang out when I got back on campus.
When she’s wasn’t having it, I knew something was up.
That phone call ended with my 2nd devastating breakup in 4 years.
In college, at a time when I took everything for granted, I got sick (literally) and tired of letting myself down “because of a girl.”
And I wasn’t going to let a breakup have a negative effect in my life. I was only 21.
I decided I wanted to be so stable and secure in myself, that going through breakups wasn’t an issue anymore. I wanted to quickly move on, have a game plan and be more confident, ambitious and happier in as little time as possible.
I no longer was going to put the outlook of my life in someone else’s hands.
Since I love testing things more than most people out there, there were very interesting experiences that happened along the way.
A couple months later, when I graduated and left Philadelphia, I took the summer to get away from what once was (AKA my ex-girlfriend and the debacle that was my senior year) and decided I wasn’t going to return until I reached that level of stability, security and happiness.
Over the course of the summer, I started blogging as an accountability system and did a bunch of self-induced exercises. I reached a point where I was feeling great and was invited by a few college friends to come back a visit the campus -- one of those people being my ex.
Excited, I went down there and ended up having an amazing time seeing friends and old professors.
Seeing my ex was great too -- until there conflict arose.
Long story, short, we got into a fight and being in the state I was, I wasn’t going to let it affect me like it did before. So, I took the high road and walked away.
When I was back in Boston I ended up getting a very long Facebook message a week later saying I was pretty much, “the biggest asshole in the world.”
(As someone who is mature enough to never put full blame on anyone, I’m sure it was one of those things where we both did a poor job at communicating and setting expectations appropriately.)
Reading it made me realize not only why I loved her at one point but also why it would never work out. That realization became my closure and allowed me to officially move forward in my life.
Even after relationships later on that didn’t work out, moving on got easier and easier. I knew what my value was and if they didn’t see it, someone else will -- and strike gold.
And because of my natural-born trait of having to prove people wrong and exceed their expectations, whenever a breakup would happen, I vowed to myself that the next time we were to run into each other, I’d be a dramatic improvement from where they left me, physically, mentally and socially.
Yes, that is definitely an arrogant thing to say out loud, but it’s actually the mindset needed to move on from a past relationship.
That moment of “her seeing me better off” has only happened once in my life so it has only served as a motivation for me to become a better man.
The result of having this mentality has led me to better and better relationships with women, leading up to the one I am in now, which has been the best ever and to the point where not only am I as stable and secure in myself than ever before, I don’t see myself meeting anyone better than her.
I can partially thank each and every one of my breakups for that. Each woman I dated was amazing for their own reasons and when things didn't work out, those moments allowed me to really focus on what’s important for me to be happy and successful in life.
It wasn't until then, I discovered my happiness and success in life was not validated by having an amazing woman in my life.
But by being an amazing man in life.
Over the next few days, I want to share some of the strategies on how I did it.
But first I want to know some of the specific questions you have about moving on and recovering from a breakup.
Are you going through a bad breakup? If so, tell me about it. If not, are there still things from your previous relationship that are affecting your dating life now?
What do you want to know about the most? How to move past the “grieving” process? How to “get back out there again?” The best strategies for moving on? What should you focus on first? What should you mindset be in your new single life?
Leave me a comment or send them to firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll get back to you with my thoughts.
I strongly recommend you don’t ask a vague question as that will most likely be ignored. The more specific, the better and more likely to be answered.