How to Flirt as a Woman


Are you flirtarded?These posts are based on the reality TV series, Tough Love: Miami. I don’t comment on what happened in the show. Instead, I talk about what women can learn from each episode’s theme. You can check out my previous series here.

If you missed other posts, check them out below:

Tough Love #1: How to Create A Positive First Impression

Tough Love #2: Dating in the Digital Age

Tough Love #3: Inner & Outer Beauty

Tough Love #4: Flirting

Flirting is one of my favorite topics to talk about it. It’s fun, sexy and the difference between a spark fizzling or turning into a flame.

It’s just a shame there are so many people out there who are “flirtarded.”

flirt•tard•did | flərt’tärdid |


1. an inability to behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone.

Most women I work with admit to being flirtarded. Conversation will usually go one of two ways.

Woman: “I was totally into him.”

Me: “Did you show him that you were?”

Woman: “Um...I don’t know. What do you mean?”


Me: “He was totally into you, why didn’t you flirt back?”

Woman: “He was into me? I didn’t think he was. Was he, seriously?”

It’s important women have enough awareness to know if they are interested in the men they meet -- or vice-versa -- they know what to do to get those men attracted to them.

For men, it’s almost NEVER about WHAT you say. It’s about HOW you say it. And nearly all of the time, you’re not saying it with your words.

Generally, you’ll hear people say over 90% of all communication is non-verbal. What does that even mean?

Non-verbal communication is mostly body language, the tone of your voice, but it’s also how you dress, how you take care of your body and all other things visually-focused.

More of your communication is done through your body and facial expressions than anything else. And this is what men are looking at every day.

This past weekend, I spoke at an event with nearly 100 women in the room and told them men will interpret women based on what they SEE. I also said this earlier in this series.

It’s how we’re wired as men and there’s nothing we can do about it.

That's not meant to stir you. In fact, it’s to your advantage.

To flirt with men, you just need to communicate your messages visually and break things down in its simplest form.

And to briefly talk about general communication, men are very basic and logical in their thinking. The more complex your communication, the harder it will be for him to understand and connect with you.

When a man doesn’t understand something you’re communicating, that doesn’t mean you should just repeat what you said or speak louder. You have to rephrase your communication.

You don't want him to come to own conclusion because if he interprets what you're trying to communicate differently each time, you could inadvertantly be sending mixed signals.

Keep communication clear.

So how the hell do you flirt anyway?

It starts by initiating physical contact. A light brush on the arm, touching his knee or physically getting closer are all examples. The more you’re breaking that initial physical barrier, the more you’re telling him you’re comfortable with him in your space.

Saying his actual name in conversation. Over time, we’ve become so used to giving people pet names or just using pronouns, it becomes somewhat monotonous. Saying someone’s name gives it that personal touch we all look for in an experience.

Using your face to be expressive. Smiling and laughing are more overt ways to show a man you’re having a good time with him. Having strong eye contact also shows him there may a strong connection between you two.

THEN, use your words to reinforce your actions. Notice the other in which I said that. Remember actions will always speak louder than words. However, using your words will reinforce and amplify your actions.

For example, instead of only saying you’re having a great time, do it while you’re leaning into him.

What women may think are subtle cues to show they’re interested in a man, a man will NEVER see it. These cues need to be more overt and they requires you to expose yourself a little bit more.

Instead of exposing yourself as vulnerable moments, see them as displaying confidence. There’s nothing sexier to a man than to see a woman who knows what she wants and is comfortable enough in her body to tactfully let him know she wants him.