Inner & Outer Beauty


What do YOU see?These posts are based on the reality TV series, Tough Love: Miami. I don’t comment on what happened in the show. Instead, I talk about what women can learn from each episode’s theme. You can check out my previous series here.

If you missed other posts, check them out below:

Tough Love #1: How to Create A Positive First Impression

Tough Love #2: Dating in the Digital Age

Tough Love #3: Inner & Outer Beauty 

Women will typically think men will value outer beauty over inner beauty. For the most part, women are right.

However, the men, who a woman will want to pursuing her, will be valuing her inner beauty much more than one thinks.

Beauty is something men will always judge because it’s what they see. And it's not just based on a woman’s physical appearance.

As a result, we’re going to look at both outer beauty, inner beauty and how the two directly relate each other.

When it comes to outer beauty, men are constantly deceived. When men typically meet women -- especially at bars, lounges or clubs -- we see "enhanced" versions.

Tight revealing dress, makeup layered on, fake eyelashes, crazy 5-inch heels, dark tan -- all designed to make women look amazing. And it works.

Most women will look amazing.

Even though men are physically focused (it's a biological thing) and will draw to those things, they’re not going to be enough for the guys you want to date.

In fact, these guys women are looking for seek women who are more “natural.” 

Male clients I work with tell me they have a hard time distinguishing between what’s real and what’s not when it comes to women’s looks. And when they see a woman who looks completely “enhanced,” it’s an immediate turnoff.

Why is it a turnoff? Because men will think a woman is greatly insecure about how she looks -- so much so that she'd be willing to use things to hide the real person from them.

It’s becoming more of a red flag these days. A man wants a woman who’s confident in how she looks without the need of “enhancements.”

So, what how can you come off as attractive as you want to be without these so-called “enhancements?”

It’s simple.

1. The less makeup, the better. It’s very interesting to see how women rely on makeup. 

When you’re so used to seeing a better version of yourself -- and constantly feeling great about it -- forgetting there’s a “non-upgraded” version of yourself that’s hiding underneath, can be alarming.

I personally would blame the cosmetic industry in media for that. But anyway, the less the better. Men truly appreciate the natural look.

2. Hair extensions? From talking to guys, if you already have long enough hair, it shouldn’t be used. And there are some guys who love women with shorter hair.

These are just two examples but overall, it would be best to avoid anything “fake.”

Women I work with tell me they want a man to accept them for exactly who they are. I believe that’s completely fair. But I respond by asking them this.

How can a woman possibly expect men to accept her for who she is, when she makes all of these "enhancements?" This tells men she doesn’t even accept who SHE is.

Want to hear the secret?

The secret is guys will do ANYTHING to see that real version.

And what women don’t realize is if a man sees that version and love it, not only do you know he’s seeing much more than physical beauty, but she will have a confidence boost no makeup, hair extension, or tan could give her.

A woman confidently releasing her physical insecurities in front of a man? Now THAT’S sexy.

But the real beauty quality men are looking for will be your inner beauty.

The questions you ask, what you want out of life and how you carry yourself describes glimpses of your inner beauty.

Are you solely focused on being in a relationship? Desperate to have children? Only want a man to take care of you? Don’t even know what you want out of life?

These are all things that will reveal themselves based on how you carry yourself with a man you’re interested in. And whether you would like to admit it or not, men DO listen to what you say.

Because ALL of these things will be what men look for to determine the difference between you being “something fun,” or “something special.”