When you are at the stage where you are starting to figure out what you want in a woman, when you meet potentials, your mind tends to automatically detect red flags that come up in interaction. Some of these flags come from lessons you’ve learned from previous relationships. Let’s just say that you just don’t want to repeat those mistakes.
That you already know.
But every once in a while, you’ll come across an interesting and attractive woman. She’s stunningly gorgeous and she actually has something resembling a personality. You two vibe pretty well and you can tell she’s interested. But every so often in conversation, you notice your spider-sense tingling about something. Something isn’t right. But you aren’t exactly sure what it is. Now you’re trying to figure out why these red flags coming up.
And then it hits you. Those red flags aren’t glitches. We’re not computers. Something is telling you that this might not be a good idea. These signs are telling you, “This is NOT what you want in a woman. Put down the drink and slowly walk away.” But the more you talk to her, the more you become invested. You begin to see more things about her that you like and you start to ignore those other things that you don’t like because you are interested. Plus, with her finding more about you, you notice she is totally feeling you. So you proceed like those flags aren’t even there.
There is a reason why those flags are up, you know. It’s one thing to notice something small that you don’t like but are willing to deal with. It’s another to see something you absolutely KNOW will be a detriment to your sanity and thus hurt the relationship in the long run. You’ve seen it in the past – probably many times before. What makes you think this time will be different?
I was almost victim to this a few weeks ago, but I was able to figure things out in time. I’ll share details with specifics next week as a follow-up.
If you see yourself falling into the same pattern again ask yourself a few questions – you know, to refresh yourself.
What’s worth pursuing here? Small fling? One-night stand? Long-term relationship?
What about her is making me justify ignoring these flags?
To what extent can I disregard these flags? Or…
What am I going to do to make sure these flags aren’t going to be a problem down the road?
Have these ideas set in your mind and it will direct you in the way you want to go with your interaction. It happens to all of us. I sometimes get caught up in talking to someone I’m interested in and will feel the emotions from these flags and find myself ignoring them and justifying my decisions.*
*these things happen so fast, you may not even notice. That’s why it is always important to slow things down in order for you to have better control of yourself and the situation.
How many of you ignore those red flags? And do you justify or make excuses for those red flags?
Have you ever battled through and extracted from a situation because you ultimately, “knew better?”
What are your methods for preventing yourself from repeating mistakes – as tempting as it may be to give in sometimes?
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