Discipline of Dating: Stage 1 -- Knowing Who You Are (Part 1)


Are you the man you want to see?Welcome to the Discipline of Dating series. If you haven’t read the brief introduction to what we’re doing here, read it before you continue.

Remember, this series is meant to give you ALL of the tools necessary to create dramatic results in your dating life.

Only one thing; you have to take action.

This piece will focus on Stage 1 of the Wingman Model we talked about yesterday.

Stage 1 is all about clarifying who you are, what you are, where you are now and where you want to be.

You’ll become aware of your body and the adjustments you’ll need to make to get to where you want to be.

You’ll be given action exercises that will help you understand who you are to the core.

Once you follow through with all the exercises and pass the checklist, you’ll be able to move on to Stage 2.

Before we go on, what is your first impressions of these women? Who would you rather date?

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Think about what you notice -- the specific, the better.

Within seconds, men make judgments on how attractive a woman is purely based on what she looks like. It’s how were wired and that will never change. It’s not wrong. It’s not right. It just is.

We are typically unaware of this but do you ever think about WHY women put on makeup? Why they spend thousands of hours and millions of dollars in their lifetimes on dresses, shoes, hair stylists, manicures, pedicures and other stuff to make them look good?

I personally never listen to a woman’s reasoning because over time, it’s been placed in their minds they’re doing it for themselves to feel more confident and beautiful and blah blah blah...

The truth is women do all of those things for men. When you cut through all of the bullshit and hit the core of things, men and women are designed by nature to do two things; survive and reproduce.

And we’re pretty damn good at it since there are 7 billion people on this planet.

But when it comes to the reproduction part, women want high-quality genes to reproduce with and the only way to do that is to present themselves in a way to make men notice them.

We go deeper into this primal attraction thinking at our Confidence Unchained event but for now, these are the basics you should understand:

Women invest their lives in looking good for men. Men don’t have to do that.

Oh, by the way, those two women you saw above are the same person.

Puts things in perspective, doesn’t it?

Guys put so much weight in the “presentation” of women and don’t realize women are the same human beings as men. If you can look past what you see and find the core of a woman, you’ll be more successful in your dating life than you ever thought possible.

However, even though you don’t have to invest as much into your looks, women can and will judge you elsewhere. 

Everything you do sends a message. You don’t have to say a single word the entire day and you’ll have said more to women than you know. Those messages not only show glimpses of your attractiveness (or lack thereof), but also who you are.

So let’s cut to the core of you...

Who ARE you?

Stage 1: Knowing Who You Are

It’s important as a foundation you know who you are, your purpose and DNA so you can regain control of yourself and build stronger relationships with the people you desire.

Stage 1 is the most important foundation to becoming more attractive and successful in your dating life. Skipping this first stage is the root of the problem of most people who are having problems with meeting and connecting with women.

Common mistakes include always saying “sorry” or excusing yourself for fear of rejection, trying too hard to impress, not being yourself, not taking initiative and many others.

The truth is it’s hard to be yourself around attractive women. I mean, they ARE women. And they’re awesome and you want to be with them. But when there’s a chance that COULD happen, you freak out, stop being yourself and become irrational.

These irrational decisions are based on projections you’ve created FOR her. She may think you’re so cool thing since sliced bread, but you’re so in your head that you create false negative images of yourself.

That’s why external adjustments mean nothing. The main problem is your brain.

Stop using it. Your existence and experience will ultimately come from within.

Action Item #1 in Stage 1 will help you take a look at who you are on the inside.

This may be a very easy exercise for you if you are self-analytical. If not, it may be difficult -- especially if it’s your first time asking yourself these type of questions that look  deep into your soul.

However, the steps are tested and implemented with my clients, is also a major part of Confidence Unchained and the results are mind-blowing.

Take the time to do these action items and I can guarantee it’ll bring clarity to who you are and more understanding of yourself than you’ve had in years.

Action Item #1: Know WHO You Are

You’ll need a paper and pen for this. Writing things down in this particular case will create a very cathartic experience.

Free yourself from any and all distractions. Noise, TV, phone, laptop -- all off and out of sight. You’ll need 100% focus as these will be the most valuable questions you’ll ever ask yourself.

The guys who are the most amazing at attracting quality women -- that aren’t celebrities, rich or naturally good-looking -- are the ones who know themselves to a tee, project it onto the world, unapologetically and care less of what people think.

This is where I want you to be. To know who you are so well that you live out of your head and in every moment you have with women, worry-free.

Let’s get started.

1. Self-identification

Who are you? What are the roles you play in your life? Your career? Your family?

Write down anything and everything that comes to mind.

Identification examples: I’m a fun, engaging man with a story to tell the world, someone who has his life together, etc.

Roles examples: I’m a business owner, a video gamer, brother, cousin, son, etc.

The roles part has less to do with WHAT you do, so it’s not important to put down your job unless you are 1000% passionate about it.

Remember, what you write down is to represent WHO you are, never WHAT you do.

Keep going until you have at least 10 things.

2. Your Standards

How do you live your life? What values do you represent?

Example: Being social, being open-minded, I value ideas, hard work, support, etc.

Have a solid list of at least 10.

3. Purpose

What is your purpose? How would you like to make an impact on your life and the others in it?

This is where you look beyond women and how this can transform your life.

Write down a detailed description of where you would like to be, not just in your dating life, but in your life overall. From how you walk to your posture to who is in your life, make a vivid image so you can connect with it on an emotional level.

Examples: I am never in a rush when I walk, I can feel each step I take. My chin is up and I’m making eye contact with the people I’m walking by. I might even strike a smile here and there. When women see me, they come up a hug me. I give them a tight squeeze to let them know I appreciate their welcome, etc.

This should be quite long but no more than a couple pages.

STOP right now. Before you go any further, make sure you do the action item above.

Once you are clear on who you are and where you’d like to be, you can start making the push toward getting there.

Okay, you’re done with Action Item #1! If you need to, go back and review everything to make sure you’re happy with what you wrote.

Once you’ve done that, congrats! Now take a break and come back tomorrow for Action Item #2.

*NOTE: If you haven’t done this exercise yet because of “insert lame excuse here,” set a scheduled time for later and make sure you’ve done it before moving on to the next Action Item.

If you’re too lazy to do it, then that’s on you. At this point, I don’t care and you’re on your own. You’ll be wasting your time reading the rest of this series. 

The people who truly want to see results and know there’s no “skimming” or “quick fix” will do what is required to get the results they’re looking for. I want to talk to those people.

Now, let's move on to Part 2...