It's been a while since I've posted here at Project Infinity and that is because I am working on some cool stuff in the future that I know you all will like. But in the meantime, what I wanted to do is post some things this week leading up to my panel this Friday on The Man Panel. The topic this month is, "The Dating Game: Transitioning from Dating to a Relationship."
This article was one that I typed several months ago but only posted it a few days before Christmas. Beleive it or not, I thought it would be really risky to talk about what women want on a more psychological level - especially since at the time, Project Infinity was out for only a couple of months. In the end, I am glad I took the risk and it was received very well.
I am going to re-post the article and hopefully more discussion can come out of it. Feel free to hit me up on Twitter or post comments below. Thanks!
I forget where I came across this. I just have the notes here and I wanted to talk about this because I thought this was interesting. There are people out there who have done tons of relationship research and now have recently devised a list of emotional needs guys have to fulfill in order to keep a woman attracted to you for a long time. This is supposed to be critical to maintaining a long-term relationship.
Over time, through my program coming up, we will actually get really into the inner workings of a relationship and actually help you build a stronger, longer-lasting relationship for you – because for some of you, that’s what it’s about: keeping the girl.
Here are my thoughts on what I came across.
1. Reputation. now I didn’t understand this concept at first but it actually makes sense. If she is going to be with you or even want to be with you, she needs to make sure that her reputation will not diminish at the very least. Of course, if it could help her that is plus, too. But if you have a reputation that is nothing to be proud of, chances are, unless she just does not care, she is not going to want to get involved with you, long-term.
This is the very reason why bad boys have so much appeal. Women love the bad boys and are extremely attracted to them but they rarely have long-term potential because of that very same reason. Plus, from my experiences talking to women, most bad boys actually do end up being bad boys and most long-term relationships involve a ton of different forms of abuse.
2. Emotional Range. This can also get confusing. In any truly healthy relationship, you should be allowed to go through a wide range of emotions whether good or bad. We may not all want to admit it, but whether it’s good or bad, it’s important that those emotions are struck. It inspires growth and maturity in any relationship. So yes, it is ok for your woman to cry, be happy, be sad, be upset, pissed, angry, surprised, teased, and all of the other emotions that a woman can feel. I think that in psychological sense, women feel “good” going through those emotions and would rather not be emotionally stagnant.
3. Cater to the Little Girl. Think about this way. There is a little boy in all of us that still get excited when we go to toy stores (and yes, Best Buy does count as a toy store). We will be giggling on Christmas Day when we get that cool new toy to play with. It’s quite similar with women. There are little things that get them excited, like going out to a day at the spa, generally getting pampered, receiving flowers or cute little notes in your drawer. Anything that can say, “You’re my little girl and I wanna take care of you and treat you something nice,” is something not many women will refuse – just as long as you don’t confuse it with, “You’re my child and I have to spoil you in order for you to still love daddy.” That won’t work.
4. Be Dominant. Have the courage and confidence to lead the relationship and that means in AND out of the bedroom. The last thing a woman wants to do is have to “mother” their man. There are things you learned spending up to 17+ years at home with your parents. You have to continue to use those things. You know what I am talking about.
In terms of leading a relationship, it could be more of being decisive in what you want and having the confidence to follow through. An example of this would be a first date. Know what you two are going to do. Give her an idea of what’s in store so she can prepare and dress accordingly. When you’re on the date, know what’s is going to happen next. If you don’t know, have an idea of what you want to happen next and take the necessary steps to get that to happen. Women would like to know that their man can be leader.
Leading your partner in the bedroom should be self-explanatory. Take care of business.
5. Fear of Abandonment. This is a very tricky one and some people may not like my explanation of it, but this is only my attempt at some psych logic – it’s all for discussion. When it comes to relationships, one thing that I have learned is that nothing is a sure thing. No matter how happy you think your relationship is going, it can end in a matter of moments. This realization has allowed me to never take anything for granted within a relationship. I feel the same applies for women. This will be much harder to explain.
The fear of abandonment that women feel is actually a complex topic that I will try to summarize. This feeling can show up within the first few minutes of meeting a woman. This is usually called jealousy. Having this subconscious feeling that you might lose something can kick in and it’s up to you, as a man to assure that you’re not going anywhere. Having said that, I truly believe that it is healthy to be desired by women other than the one that you’re with. And it’s healthy for her to feel that fear of abandonment. As a guy, you could walk away to something better just like she can. But the point you want to make is that no one is better than her. But balancing this level of fear is up to the man. You cannot let this fear get unstable or else problems will occur down the road and it will lower her self-esteem, which you never want to do.
6. Trust Factor. When it comes down to it, can she trust you? And this goes beyond not cheating on her. Can she rely on you so help her IF she needs you? Can you tell her the truth every time, even if you know very well that it will make her upset? Are you a good listener when it comes to her telling you about her demons? She can feel comfortable talking to you about her demons? All of these questions will help determine if she can trust you. Trust is a huge factor in a healthy long-term relationship. And I don’t care how long you have been with your partner – if you can’t trust him or her, that’s not healthy. Make sure that she can trust you.
7. Physical Protection. This is easy, right? You’d protect her when it came down to it, right? Well, I have to be sure so I’ll just ask the question. Even if she was wrong for doing what she did, would you be willing to take the hit from that 6-foot-5, 300-pound fellow who thought she was flirting with him, scared her away because she said she had a boyfriend but now realizes that you’re her boyfriend and wants get after your girl?
Think about that.
8. Handling Her Sexuality. It goes without saying that women are very sexual and should not apologize for it. Hell, it’s the reason why we notice them in the first place. But are you ok with others noticing them? Is it cool with you that women tend to naturally flirt with others unconsciously? Are you able to handle her wants and desires in the bedroom? You need to be able to truly accept the fact that women love sex and anything about it. It’s cool, guys. And I know some of you are like, “I already know this. What’s the point?” Yeah, I know you know, but some men tend to think they can handle it and when it comes to it, they can’t. Don’t be one of those men. Appreciate and embrace that fun part about women and they will love you for that.
9. Having High Quality Sperm. I’m not talking about physical features – although I don’t remember it hurting anyone to naturally look good. I’m talking about lifestyle and your social value. If you lead a lifestyle that is fun, engaging and full of passion and combine that with having very quality friends around you and in your life, you will possess some of the true traits that women want to associate themselves with.
I talk about the importance finding your passion(s), improving your lifestyle and building a social circle all the time. These are what’s going to make you attractive to most women when they initially meet you. Of course it should go without saying that it’s important to NEVER fake this – people will figure it out and it looks terrible. Take your time and develop your life before you go out there. That way, you have some actual substance to hold onto and verify to keep you congruent with who you say you are.
10. Prove You Are Not a Closet Homosexual. This seems like an unnecessary thing to say but I cannot tell you how many times I’ve talked to women and hear them tell me that they think the person they are dating, “might be gay and just not know it, yet.” I will never reveal names.
When it comes down to it, you have to be a man. Masculinity is running scarce these days to begin with so prove not only to her but also to yourself that you are still a man. Even if it resorts to caveman thinking, just do it. If you still don’t know what I mean, then check out this site called the Art of Manliness. It’ll give you tons of articles and bunch of imagery of how to be more of man. I really don’t think I need to give examples or even say anything else about this. It’s pretty self-explanatory. This kind of thing is really nerve wrecking for a woman if she’s questioning your masculinity. Don’t let it ever get to that point, because it may be a recoverable situation.
If think that these needs are pretty basic actually but men either make a big fuss over it, tend to miss a few needs or make it seem harder than it really is. Just know that in a relationship, it’s natural for this to happen and if you just tend to these basic needs, you will be well on your way to a successful long-lasting relationship.
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