The Wingman Guide to Texting Women

Let me preface by saying that you should NOT use texting to avoid getting on the phone. If anything, you should use texting to get her on the phone. If the relationship is going to go anywhere, you’re going to have to use the phone so you might as well make the two of you get comfortable now.

“What do I do when I get a woman’s number from the bight before? When do I contact her? Do I text her? Do I call her?”

If you go out and get a phone number from a woman, DO NOT text her. CALL HER. The art of calling a woman the next day is lost but women still appreciate it more than just a text. If she doesn’t answer the phone and it goes to voicemail, you can either leave one OR you can text her. It’ll appear less needy and if she’s busy, chances are, she’ll text you back because it’s easier. Sounds silly and counter-intuitive, but believe me, it works.

“What do I text her?”

When you text her, you want to send her a text that is going to make her WANT to text you back – or better yet, CALL you. Texting, “What’s up?” or “Hey, it’s Thomas. What are you up to?” is NOT going to really make her want to text you back. It’s just like when you’re dating online. Most women will NOT even open an email that reads, “Hi,” in the subject. BUT they will open an email that says something interesting or references something that shows he’s read her profile.

When you text her, it would be best if you texted her something that referred to what you two talked about last night. For example, if you two were talking about tea, you could text her, “Hey, I just had this amazing loose leaf tea today. You won’t believe what flavor it was!” A text like that may spark some curiosity and may get her to text you back.

“How do I flirt through text?”

It’s all about silly and playful banter. You just want to demonstrate that you are a funny, easy-going guy that knows how to have fun. Just like you would be flirty face-to-face, you can do it through texting. Instead of respond to her, “What are you up to?” text by saying, “Nothing much,” bring some energy and talk about how exciting your life is right now. An example would be, “Oh, man. The weirdest thing happened to me earlier today.”

“What should I NOT do?”

If you two haven’t really talked on the phone yet, you don’t want to have conversation over text. It’s silly, weird and the two of you she’ll be thinking, “Why doesn’t he just call me?”

In terms of response time, I say reply in your own time. This will dispel any gamesmanship. If you’re busy, you don’t have an obligation to answer if you can’t. If you CAN, then do so. Nowadays, no one REALLY thinks that answering quickly is a sign of desperation. I always get surprised when someone answers QUICKER than I expect him or her to, but I never get uninterested. It lets me know that he or she is engaged.

Don’t send too many text messages. Like any normal conversation, it requires two people. Don’t be text heavy. When you text, wait for her to respond. If she doesn’t respond, wait a while before you text her again. Texting her often is the same as emailing, calling or seeing someone too often. It becomes overbearing and unattractive.

“Can I ask someone out through text?”

Once again, I would rather CALL someone and make the plans. However, if you are non-committal and just want to see if she wants to hang out while you’re out, then you can text her. It’s all about context. If you’re going to the museum, you can ask to see if she wants to tag along through text. If she says no, that’s fine. You’re STILL going to the museum. But don’t ask her out on a romantic date through text. CALL her and make those plans since going to dinner is contingent on her saying yes. 

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