Let’s get right into it. Here are the last two pillars of the male mind.
Pillar Three – the Shy Goofball
We are all goofballs at heart. Sometimes, we can be the most awkward person ever. And I mean, stick us in a situation we’ve never been in before, and we will just burn in a blaze of glory. These guys are awesome because out of all the pillars, this one is the most genuine. You can’t fake shyness and being awkward. Maybe you can fake shyness, but you can’t fake awkwardness. You could create awkward situations but this is different. I am talking as typical as being that kid in high school, carrying a girl’s books down the hall and tripping over yourself, books flying everywhere and you blush as you look up at her from the ground. Yeah, that kind of goofy and awkward.
You want to know why women love that kind of guy? It’s pretty simple. Because they are REAL. There is a sense of vulnerability that the awkward goof has that women do find attractive. The perfect example: Steve Urkel. He was the definition of the shy goof.
If you’re this person at heart, it’s cool, man. We get so caught up in this world where we think we need to be a certain person that’s cool and smooth. And although this article may seem like it’s not helping, what I want you to do is keep your natural attributes (where you are great), while adding some things to help your speech, body language and appearance. You’re as real as it gets, so you’re pretty much set, which is awesome. All you got to do is get yourself more out there, which is where the shy part comes in and stops you. We will work on that, I promise.
When I was in high school, I was a total goof. I wasn’t the popular one, but I was ok with that. Eventually, I realized that there is someone out there that will love me, just like how I am (not that I was confident enough to go out and find her). And then, I found the most amazing person in high school and we dated for a very long time and to this day, we are great friends.
So, if your sticking point is the fact that you don’t think you’ll be liked, work on getting that out of your head. I’m sure there is a dating site out there that is dedicated to finding shy and awkward people. If you find it, look and see how many people are there available for you. Chances are it won’t be in the single digits so you must know that there are tons out there, waiting for you to fall in front of them (often, literally).
Pillar Four – the Hopeless Romantic
Everyone sees this person as the “nice guy.” He’s that guy that we all claim to be and complain that we can’t get the girl. Or if we can get the girl, we complain that we can’t keep the girl because, “we’re too nice.” Or we’ll get the “it’s not you, it’s me.” This guy is so sweet, sensitive and caring, who would pass up on him? Seems like everyone. He’s a pretty good-looking guy that takes care of himself and is a man of integrity. He is so nice to women that it alone can sweep them off of their feet (initially). Unfortunately, this is the same kind of guy that claims to get screwed over the most.
Sometimes, we can’t help it. You like someone enough you want to show that you are the sweetest, most romantic person ever. You want to do everything for her and accommodate her every wish. You’ll even make sacrifices for her. Whatever happens in your life doesn’t matter. It’s all about her. You'll do whatever it takes to make her happy - even if it means making yourself miserable. See where I’m going with this? Are you starting to feel uncomfortable as you read this? You’re supposed to. It’s not natural. We’re not really supposed to be doing those last few things (maybe if you’re in a committed relationship, such as marriage). But we do them anyway. We can’t help it. We love the girl too damn much. But, in essence it’s overwhelming and I personally can’t blame any woman for running away from it.
You know the great thing about being nice is, though? We can all still be the nice guys. But let her see all of those great attributes in little tidbits. She’s had access to about 1000 times more men than you’ve had access to women. I’m pretty confident that she can figure out who’s a nice guy or not. If she wanted things done for her, she could easily go out and get a wuss. Every guy is going to treat their lady well - they know that. But it's what else you being to the relationship and how you do those nice things that make the difference. By doing this (sparingly), you will realize that she will appreciate you more and be less likely to take you for granted (that usually happens when she can figure out when or if you’re going to do something nice for her). Women reading this might get upset because of what I just said – and that’s fine. They can defend themselves in the comments. But understand this. If women already know what they’re going to get (aka, see you as predictable), they will be bored (with the relationship – not you) very quickly – unless they are looking for marriage. So, make it interesting and do things so that your relationship always has that hint of unpredictability.
In the end, it’s important to know that if one of these pillars doesn’t dominate your personality, that doesn’t mean that you need to change your life to tailor to a particular pillar (unless you want to). But know that you possess these attributes and they’re somewhere in that head of yours, dying to come out. You just need to look at the attributes each pillar has and find a way to integrate it into your own special DNA. It’s who you are that’s important…it really is – don’t forget it. But in order to get the chance to get women to know you, you have to display these initial attractive qualities that I think every male possesses. Just a matter of finding them and bringing them out. Good luck, guys.
As always, if you have any questions or comments, post them here or email me.