5 Lessons in Getting Her Number

Get her number. And a date.Editor's Note: This piece is by Nick Notas, our Boston Wingman Strategist and Confidence Coach. You can read more of his pieces at The Dating Specialist.

Asking a woman for her number can be scary. One critical moment decides whether you might see each other again or if it’s the final goodbye.

When I started going out, I was clueless on how to approach the topic of exchanging numbers. Once while talking to a woman in Starbucks I was so nervous, I stopped mid-sentence, apologized, and literally scurried away. I felt silly at the time and looking back now, I was stressing out for no reason.

After a while, I noticed a pattern of what worked and what generally didn’t. It didn’t pay to be “super smooth” or to make excuses for why I was asking. Being genuine and straightforward yielded much better results.

Through trial and error, I’ve learned some basic guidelines that should help you get the number more often. And not only get it, but have the woman respond and be excited to meet up with you again.

Don’t wait until the end

When you delay until the last minute to ask for a number, it puts more pressure on her. Also, it can make her feel like the only reason you were talking to her was to get her contact information. Try going for it in the middle of your interaction when things are going well.

Make specific plans

Use your time when talking to her to discover common interests. It makes it easier to suggest something you can both do and make plans together. It’s more solid if you say “Awesome, I’m free on Saturday, let’s check out that new art exhibit.” rather than “Yeah, we’ll hang out sometime.” Don’t get her number to setup a date, setup a date to get her number.

Thomas' Note: This is HUGE. Never forget this and let it be your guide to getting more dates and less flaky numbers.

Use a statement instead of a question

Instead of asking, make a statement such as, “We should definitely do this again, let’s trade info.” and simply pull out your phone. Asking her permission for her number can build up pressure unnecessarily. A casual statement puts less pressure on her and makes it feel like a mutual exchange.

Make her feel special

A woman wants to feel that you’re genuinely interested in her. Right before you pull the trigger, give her a real compliment. Something like “You’re really positive, I like that,” “I love how passionate you are,” or “You’re really fun to talk to.” This creates a good vibe and re-enforces the connection between you.

Call her so she can add you

Right after she gives you her info, give her a ring to confirm it’s right. In a loud environment or when alcohol’s involved, it’s easy to mishear or mistype. When she gets your call, she can add you into her phone, too. This way when you text or call, your actual name comes up on the screen.

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