How People's Judgment of You Can Be Your Secret Weapon for Attraction



What has always separated me from many other dating experts has been the fact I bring a very needed dose of reality. I’ll never be the one to say, “there’s someone out there for everyone,” “just be yourself,” or my favorite, “when you stop looking, love will find you” — because those things are just not true.

But you will always hear me say everyone has a shot at finding love.

Another thing you will never hear me say is that it doesn’t matter what you look like or how you dress. “Someone will like you for you!” “Learn how a guys who dresses like a hobo gets laid 300 days every year!” That’s all nonsense.

The reality is people will judge you based on how you look – all the time. My experience doesn’t only come from being a young black male. Sure, I’ve certainly endured my own fair share of judgment — and in many ways, still do today. 

But while it took time to understand what was going on in order for me to “make the best” of it, I can look back and say it was totally worthwhile as it’s provided me many opportunities previously unavailable to me — including, landing the woman of my dreams.

So, you can complain, say it’s unfair, give up, and let judgment be something that you have no control over. Or, you could find the parts that you can control and take advantage.

The one element I’m addressing here is how you dress.

Here’s the reality, it does matter how you dress. If that wasn’t the case, women wouldn’t dress up nearly as much as they do. And need I remind you, while it’s often said women dress up for each other, when they’re out looking for a date, they dress to the nines to stand out from other women and get you to talk to them. And you love that so don’t expect it to be different for you.

Disclaimer: If you’re still in denial and prefer to be stubborn, I politely ask you to stop reading because you will be wasting your time. For everyone else who has come to terms and is looking to do something about it, please, keep reading.

There are certain careers that require a specific wardrobe. If you’re a lawyer or in finance, you’re wearing suits almost 100% of the time. Teachers typically wear a button down and slacks (tie, optional). NBA and NFL players are required to dress up on game day as they travel to the arena, and that was a recent change from several years ago. 

Then, there are others where you can wear what you want — and most prefer to seek comfort over substance. Engineers and startup people have been vilified as examples of this.

You can’t dress like the Zuck

I hate to break the news but you can’t dress like Mark Zuckerberg or Steve Jobs unless you are Zuck or Jobs. While success can give you more leeway in your wardrobe, many of you reading this are likely not at that level.

One man who totally gets this has been Neil Patel. He’s the co-founder of three great internet companies and consulted for major brands like HP and NBC. He’s highly regarded as a top online marketer.

He realized in order to grow his company — was to improve his wardrobe. Here’s what he said about his success,

“What was a big breakthrough was that people assumed that I was somewhat well off because I was dressing much better. When I starting talking to potential customers, they naturally assumed that I was successful and my services were costly because I was better dressed.”
— Neil Patel

That was his revelation over three years ago. He just recently spent the last 12 months and over $160,000 on clothes to see how much more success he could bring into his life.

If you want to appear more successful (read: attractive), then you’ll need to dress better. Getting women to approach and be interested in you is easy when you look good enough for them to say something.

Stay tuned as the next post will break down what I did to transform my wardrobe (almost six years ago), the resources — and people — I found to help me, and the direct impact it had in my life.