How to Deal with Rejection



There she was sitting on the stool where I had left her as I emerged from the bathroom.  Her dark brown hair reflected the low light from the Edison bulbs.  She was wearing a beautiful blue sundress matching her eyes and when she saw me come back she smiled and I realize she had the cutest dimples. 

For the last two hours we had been drinking, listening to my friend tickle the ivories on a jazz piano, had an amazing conversation about where she grew up, and most importantly laughing at each other jokes and sometimes expense.  I thought to myself “wow what a cool girl and great date I can’t wait to see her again.” 

After closing out the check we part ways and hug goodbye because I don’t kiss on the first date.  She says “call me or text, see you soon!” The next day I text her letting her know I had a great time last night and she doesn’t respond.  Hours pass by and she still doesn’t respond so I ask her how her day is going and 24 hours later she still doesn’t respond. 

My heart sank because I had been in this situation before and I knew I would never hear from her again.  I sent one last ditch text hinting that I wasn’t going to ever text her again and she didn’t respond.  That was the end of that and a day later I deleted her number never to hear from her again.

Rejection is tough in any situation but even more so when you feel like there is a “connection” between you and someone you actually get to know and like on a date rather than someone you just talked to at the bar.

I know for me when I am invested in someone like the story above it takes me a few days to get over it because I blame myself for not being interesting enough, my looks, or my clothing.  Blaming yourself is never the answer, it just takes away from your overall happiness. 

For example let’s say you are at a bar and you talk to a girl you are not attracted to and she doesn’t acknowledge your existence. You tend to think that she is just a mean person.  You don’t think anything about being rejected you just wonder what was her problem.  Then you go to talk to a girl you are attracted to and she has the same reaction as the previous girl. 

The normal reaction is to blame yourself with negative thoughts like “I’m not good enough” etc.  What’s the difference in these two situations though?  NOTHING except you reacted differently because you were attracted to one girl versus the other.

At the end of the day rejection is part of everyday dating life but there are effective strategies you can use to deal with it.  The number one way is to fill up your social network.  When you do anything with your social life it is just one big dating opportunity. 

Anyone you meet probably has single friends that they can set you up with this is why you should always be presenting yourself in the best way possible.  If you get sad for a day or two like I used to because a girl got too busy to text you back or just didn’t like you then you are missing out opportunities.

Now there are a lot of ways to fill up your social calendar.  You can go out with your friends, join a club you are interested in, or join a co-ed sports league.  One of the easiest ways to meet someone new is to use your phone and all the dating apps that have been made popular in the last year.  Try out Tinder, Hinge, Happn, and whatever other hot dating app that's out there.  Your online dating life should be an extension of your social life.  The more options you have the less likely you are to react negatively when that date goes poorly.

Shaun was a dating consultant for a matching making company and  has been a student of social, self, and lifestyle improvement for the last eight years.