A Woman’s Perspective on How to Approach Women


In most cultures, men approach women by starting a conversation.  A beautiful girl deals with many such attempts at conversation, often on a daily basis.  Usually these attempts at getting to know us are annoying or just plain bad, but we’re always waiting for Mr. Right to come over and talk to us.

If you wonder what kind of approaches make you seem like a creeper or what approaches you can use to significantly increase your chances of success, this article is definitely for you.  There’s no golden rule or pattern of approach, but I’m confident my insights as a female will improve your approach attempts.

Observe before approaching her

Observation can keep you from risking an unsuccessful approach.  Even the shyest girl will glimpse at guys she finds attractive.  If you catch her looking at you several times, it’s a green light and should give you plenty of confidence.  Try to meet her gaze and smile at her.  If she returns your smile with a smile, or seems to blush, or look away, it’s a good sign, an invitation to begin a conversation with her.  Usually, a girl who doesn’t want to be approached will look cold and avoid eye contact.

Don’t get discouraged if you see a girl you’d love to talk to who doesn’t seem to notice you.  Maybe she’s busy thinking about something or otherwise distracted.  Girls daydream and aren’t always aware of who’s around.  If you like her, let her know by saying hello.

Always be polite and give her a chance to finish the conversation in a natural way.  When you begin your conversation, be friendly and not too pushy with her.  Ask if she minds having company.  If she tells you she wants to be alone, respect her wishes, don’t take it personally.  

Keep your conversation natural

I know approaching a new lady isn’t the easiest thing.  Don’t make it more awkward by appearing overly formal or anxious.  Smile and tell yourself that you’re just talking to another human being who just happens to have amazing legs and a great figure.

Believe me, I have plenty of gorgeous friends and we all have complexes and personal issues.  All of us would love to change something about our appearance or life.  Often a girl may seem confident or even arrogant but usually that’s just a wall hiding her insecurities.  Us girls are under a lot of pressure too; we worry about age, about our weight, and minute facial imperfections, among many other things.

Understanding these things may help you treat the next amazing girl you approach as just a regular human being and not some unattainable creature from another universe.  Don’t forget to make your approach natural and friendly.  You don’t want to make it seem like just another pick up attempt.

Choose the right setting

Choose a good place and adjust your approach to the environment you’re in.  I know from my own experience that there are places where I’m judgmental to guys who approach me and there are other places where I’m more eager to give the green light.

It’s easy to approach women in typical places like bars and clubs, where they’re more likely to be single and looking to have fun.  However, girls will be more focused on your physical appearance.  If you have naturally good looks, this kind of setting will work in your favor. 

Pretty girls in bars are approached by a lot of guys.  You’ll just be one of many guys who’ll be judged mostly on appearance.  Personally, and my female friends agree with me, I give guys I’ve met in the club negative points and judge them more harshly.  I guess it works similarly to guys judging girls in the club.

If you don’t have model-like looks I suggest finding a girl who shares your interests or passions.  If you don’t have a passion that attracts many female participants, I suggest finding one a bit more feminine, something close to your interests.  I would love to be approached by a guy while looking at paintings in an art museum, or waiting in line for a concert featuring my favorite band, or in the theater before an obscure indie movie.  I would be much less demanding when it comes to appearance because I already know we share similar interests and it makes things less superficial.

Smile and don’t take it too seriously

A sense of humor was the most desired quality a man can have, according to my female friends.  If a guy isn’t handsome but can make a girl laugh, it will work in his favor!  When you approach a girl, it’s best to appear friendly and fun.

A sense of humor isn’t something that can be taught, but you can work on your attitude.  Don’t take yourself too seriously.  There’s nothing worse than a conceited man who can’t take a joke and doesn’t understand sarcasm.

Stand out of from the crowd

Try to be different from other guys and avoid clichés.  Don’t ask her if she comes here often or tell her that she has beautiful eyes.  She’s probably heard such things thousands of times and is sick of it.

If you treat her like an object, where just a simple pickup line is all it takes to get to know her, chances are you’ll be treated to her universal rejection line…  the line she reserves for unoriginal jerks.

Approach her with curiosity and respect, as if she were just another person you’d like to get to know.  This is exactly what it is!  Start out with something neutral and listen to what she says.  Forget about pickup lines and just interact with her, naturally.

Don’t treat rejection personally

This might be my most important point.  If you followed my advice and still got rejected despite your polite and natural attempts, it’s because of circumstances likely beyond your control.  She might have a boyfriend or be in love with someone.  You might have simply not been her type.

Girls are naturally programmed to be much more selective when it comes to choosing our partners.  After all, unlike men we have a limited time and amount of opportunities to reproduce.  Even if the girl isn’t looking for something serious, her natural impulse is to be incredibly selective when it comes to potential partners.

The criteria we use to select men vary but we all have our types and we rarely go beyond them!  You would be surprised how often we laugh about how much we disagree about men but we never fight over them…  If she loves tattooed muscly guys but you’re a hot office job type, there’s likely nothing you can do to make her choose you.

Don’t get discouraged by your unsuccessful attempts.  We are much less flexible than guys when it comes to choosing potential partners.  Try another girl.  After all, even if we reject you, we do like being approached in a classy way.  Who wouldn’t be flattered by such a compliment?

Sarah Williams is a freelance writer that is passionate about psychology. After several relationships and a LOT of dates, she shares her honest female perspective about dating on Wingman Magazine. After all, she is just a hopeless romantic trying to figure it all out.