I was talking to my best friend about this girl that I’m starting to date and how the other night I had a conversation with her about how I don’t do monogamous relationships and she got really pissed off at me.
I responded with non-attachment and non-reaction. I put it out there, and I said to her, “if its a deal breaker for you, I understand.” Left it at that and didn’t talk to her until the next day.
The next time we talked she totally ignored it and acted completely normal and happy and fine. I didn’t bring it up again, either, and things move forward.
But this got me thinking to how AFCs and Natural’s would handle a situation like that.
AFCs are easy. They’ll apologize, look for the girl to be “ok” with things, look for her validation, etc.
From my experience this only serves purposes AGAINST making sure things are ok. Since women are products of their emotions, trying to logic things into being “ok” through arguing or debating will always just make her upset. Even if you have the best, most valid point in the world, the main thing that registers with her is how it makes her “feel”, which is bad.
So the best course is to just inform her what’s going on, then make her feel good.
On the other end are Naturals, which to me is a much better gauge of skill. We all know that Naturals have that natural ability to attract women. From the Naturals that I know most of their success comes from not giving a shit which very closely resembles non-attachment.
But again, this boils down to how it affects a woman’s emotions. Eventually the Natural will fail in a relationship because of the difference between not giving a shit and being non-attached.
Also, I hope this is something that a lot of PUA’s can take away, because there is a disturbing trend of misogyny in the community (and I don’t mean misogyny in the societal way, I mean it in a way that women are nothing besides the ends of “the game”). If you are sleeping and dating a woman and you can’t appreciate her, and only count her as a notch on your PUA bragging rights, I hope that you can get away from that.
Anyway, that is the essence of not giving a shit. The woman basically means nothing. Sure those guys aren’t attached because who gets attached to nothing? Eventually the woman will feel empty and under appreciated. It’s why so many community guys, Mystery being a great example, are never ever in a relationship.
Being non-attached means that you can fully appreciate, accept, and love what is around you. You can see the woman for her beautiful and marvelous traits and fully appreciate it. You won’t leave her feeling empty because you can offer love. But also having that non-attached attitude means that you aren’t defined by your relationship. If your relationship ever makes that negative turn you can cleanly say to your partner, “hey, it was really great, but I don’t have room for negativity in my life.”
I think this is definitely one area that PUAs are unmatched by the unlearned. Even people who learn in the context of the normal dating world don’t get the absolutely brilliant advice that is really only found in the community. For the most part, outside of our realm things are heavily swayed in the female direction. Men are expected to “get in touch with their emotions” and bend to the demands of a woman.
Which of course only causes a “beta”ing of the man.
Or, even guys who are good at sleeping with women (naturals) typically are in the boat that they’re in because of their emotional detachment. My brother is a natural (has slept with over 200 women) but only had 5 relationships, none of which lasted longer than a year, and probably averages no longer than 3 months.
But what learning Pickup, and especially inner game, gives PUAs is the ability to not be afraid to be emotional and emotionally involved with a woman but also the inner strength to not beta-ize and bend to her shit tests.
** Let me make a side note here. I know that sounds bad, “don’t bend to her shit tests”, it sounds completely misogynistic, but keep in mind that a shit test is nothing more than a woman testing your resolve as a man. If you pass them it makes her feel good. Also, I would say that the absolute best course of action to handle a woman’s shit testing isn’t mentally beating her down (making her feel bad) but by standing up to them by making her feel happy and good - again, women are ruled by their emotions, so it is the job of the man to make her feel good, happy, fulfilled, i.e. positive.
So I suppose to give a summary, don’t be afraid to be an “AFC” (by that I mean caring and sensitive) when you are with a woman you care about and who has earned it, but also don’t be taken advantage of and maintain that PUA-ness where you have an ability to handle a woman’s irrationability (in the sense that women don’t logic but emotions) with the skills you have learned.
Overall you will be a much better man for yourself AND for her.
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