NEWS: This post is written by Jamie Bardwell. Get to know him more on our Staff Page.
Hey what’s your type? What type of guy do you normally go for? Am I your type?
On some level we feel that asking these types of questions will yield some accurate insights into a woman’s dating preferences and the characteristics that she finds attractive in a man, that ultimately she finds admirable enough to express a desire for.
Perhaps more sneakily, we feel that by asking this question we can move towards her ideal type of guy by meeting her strict criteria!
However, we don’t stop to consider the fact that this question very rarely digs up any useful information through failure of recognising that our brains don’t work in that way. Asking direct question such as “what’s your type” doesn’t mean you are going to get an accurate response from her.
More often than not, we don’t understand the reasons why we are attracted to someone, nor can we pinpoint what triggered our attraction to them in the first place – it’s information that’s not available to us at a conscious level.
Attraction and love are not rational. We don’t sit there and weigh up positives and negatives about potential dating partners and arrive at a decision about who would be the best option through considering the pros and cons of our dating prospects. We can identify who we’ve attracted to and who we’re not, but not necessarily the reasons for it.
Asking a women what type of guy she goes for will encourage her to access the part of her brain that doesn’t have a great deal to do with attraction; the conscious component. Asking such a question when you’ve first met a woman e.g. in a nightclub or on a blind first date will encourage her to post rationalise her dating behaviour and what she is attracted i.e. what she THINKS is her type, not necessarily what she is actually attracted to.
These post rationalizations are things we tell ourselves and other people which we believe to be true (because we think they are), but are often fabrications of the truth.
As humans, we like to think we understand the reasons for why we feel what we feel, and what drives us to be attracted to some people and not others, but the truth is, this information is not available to us at a conscious level – and when we do consider it at a conscious level, our perception becomes distorted.
If you know the woman well, perhaps if you’ve been friends for a while, you might have a good idea of the type of guy she does actually go for and what she’s attracted to. What’s likely, if you ask what’s her type before mentioning her exes, she will describe her ‘type’ to you, but ironically her exes will not accurately fit that description whatsoever.
Therefore highlighting the big mismatch between what people say they go for and what they actually go for.
There’s no woman on earth that will openly admit to be attracted to the guy that treats her mean, nor are they likely to own up to be wildly attracted to men that have lots of women chasing after them.
While some women are attracted to these factors, it’s not something they consider at a conscious level; like many other attraction driving characteristics, therefore undermining the whole point of the question in the first place!
The best practice is to get to know her, understand what she’s attracted to by analysing her behaviour rather than always going on what she says.
Behavioural data is by far the most insightful data!
Perhaps you’ve asked a woman what type of guy she goes for in the past ….. have you been given any strange answers? Or have you tried to meet these expectations only to find she’s not interested?