The Inside Man: Dating in Today’s World

Credit: CNN.com

Credit: CNN.com

In a world where our phones are surgically attached to our hands, it’s not surprising that mobile dating has surged over the past several years. Now with geo-location technology finally being embraced, the person of your dreams could be a vibration or a notification away.

But what if the same chances existed if you turned off your phone and looked up at the world around you? This is a question Morgan Spurlock explores along with other avenues when it comes to dating in his latest episode “Inside Man” on CNN airing during the time this post is published.

Featured in this episode is an industry friend’s company, Three Day Rule, which takes a different, modern approach to matchmaking, the oldest dating technology known to man. (It should be noted, at the time this post is published, I will be at one of their launch parties in Washington, D.C.)

As The Professional Wingman, I’ve spent years talking about how important it is to have a lifestyle conducive to meeting quality and compatible partners in-person — and how to actually do it. I’ve also argued that while I am an “offline guy,” it’s still to one’s benefit to have an online dating strategy to supplement their offline lifestyle.

In other words, take advantage of every strategy to connect with potential dates you otherwise wouldn’t be able to meet. But the bigger issue here is that some people don’t have an offline lifestyle and focus all of their attention and resources to online.

Technology has the power to give us access to all that we need in the palm of our hands in seconds. When it comes to dating, instant gratification and discerning selection allows us to be seemingly efficient and in control of our dating fate. Technology also has the power to make us rely on it to feel a false sense of emotional connection. 

Our validation is no longer whether or not you can have a great interaction over drinks but now how many likes our recent Instagram photo has and how many comments your Facebook post creates.

And while technology can be a gift and a curse, it can certainly be used complementarily to give you the best chance at finding love. But even with all of the opportunities to finding someone, without social and overall communication skills, how can one create and maintain a long-term relationship. How about even getting a first date?

I have clients whose jobs will allow them to go entire days without interacting with a single person face-to-face. How could those people go through that and then all of a sudden, have the ability to go out and connect with others? It’s just not possible.

Being able to engage and interact with people for the purpose of making meaningful connections is something that has to be worked on constantly. And it ultimately starts with trying to talk to people in-person more.

Develop a social life

Using my 10/10/10 rule, you’ll be able to accomplish five (5) enjoyable social experiences with friends within 10 weeks. One misconception is that being social requires you to constantly be out. Introverted people would never be able to sustain that kind of lifestyle. 

What’s more important is having things lined up in your schedule that you can look forward to and allows you not only interact with your old social circle, but also create new circles.

Approach and connect with an many people around you 

Once you realize how many people can cross your path in a given day, now you can make a point to interact with as many of them as possible. Using the Three C’s Strategy I created a few years ago, you can naturally approach anyone without feeling awkward or creepy. Remember, we’re humans and it’s in our nature to communicate and engage with others.

Those two strategies alone, the new opportunities that you’ll have access to can dramatically change your life.

While there are existing services like mine that can be your wingman and teach you how to engage and be more engaging offline, the problem will grow as we continue to increase our engagement online. I wasn’t kidding when I said there should be a social skills development class as an academic requirement for college graduation — and I’d love to teach the first class!

Gone are the days of just “figuring it out.” Our parents had it so easy that they inadvertently took for granted how important it is to learn how to engage people face-to-face and never taught us the know-how and its importance. Very few people today are capable of “figuring it out on” their own. 

It took me nearly decade before I, fortunately, came into my own and dedicated most of it on learning to be comfortable and confident in social situations. Do you have that much time to invest in this?

Anyone can live a fruitful technologically-influenced social lifestyle that can lead to long-term romance but having the education — and discipline — of offline / online integration will be key to their success.

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