Why Don’t You Do This?

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Learn how to meet women when out alone.Let’s talk about going out alone.

People always tell me, “oh, I’d NEVER do that. That’d be so weird and everyone would know I was alone, which is even weirder.” 

Excuses, excuses, and more excuses.

Back when I was working the evening shift as a valet, when I got off at 11PM -- sometimes midnight -- I wanted to go out and have a beer. But with all my friends working normal “9-5” jobs, I had no one to do that with. 

I had to create another circle of friends to hang out with when I got off work.

So what did I do?

The only way I saw to do it was going out and making new friends. And so I went out -- to 30 bars for 30 consecutive nights.

It ended up being the jumpstart to my development process.

In the beginning, it was tough because, like you, I thought everyone knew I was by myself and were somehow judging me.

But when I went to the bar, even if I didn’t talk to anyone, no one looked at me funny or make any rude comments.

The true test came when I WAS talking to women. I was sure they’d ask where my friends were.

And I was ready for them to ask, because I had an answer prepared:

“Well, my friends haven’t gotten off work yet so I’m waiting for them to get here. And in the process of waiting, I figured I could make some new friends.”

I thought I was SO clever.

Every night, I waited for that question to pop up. 

It never happened -- and it made sense. No one cares! The only time someone will ask where your friends are is if you’re creeping them out OR you’re so awesome they want to know if there are more of you.

In the end, going out alone was -- and still is -- the best experience of my life. You are only responsible for yourself, don’t get to use your friends as an excuse for why you’re not talking with women and, as a result, FORCES you to talk to women -- the ultimate challenge.

Or else, you'll be standing by yourself the whole night. And we all know what happens when you’re standing by yourself thinking about what you could have done.

What also made going out alone easier was setting goals. For those 30 nights I went out, my objectives were simple:

All I had to do was sit down at the bar, order a drink, talk to the bartender for a little bit (asking things like, “does this place ever get packed? When?” Or, “what’s your favorite beer on tap?”) and then whoever sat down next to me (or I sat down next to), I had to start conversation with them -- man or woman.

If I could get a response from the person, that meant success to me. But if you push yourself, it doesn’t end at just “a response” -- especially when your only goal is to make friends, like mine was.

Sometimes, the conversations were great and I made new friends. Other times, it didn’t work and conversations dwindled. It was just a part of the process of me getting better at having conversation with people. Success and "failure" go hand-in-hand.

In the end, I was very fortunate to have some cool friends, who I still keep in touch with to this day and also go on many dates with the women I met along the way.

I remember one of my friends asking me if I was alone when we met for the first time. When I told him yes, he said, “wow, it takes balls to go out by yourself not knowing what’s going to happen. I'm not sure if I could have done that.”

I guess in some ways, it does take some courage to do it but honestly, when you don’t have a choice, courage doesn’t come into play -- it’s action that does. 

I either had to try making friends, or I’d spend each of those 30 days alone.

And don’t get me wrong. It was NOT easy. There were a couple Sunday nights when there weren’t any opportunities to talk to people and I did spend the time there alone.

But sticking to the process, I got to enjoy many Tuesdays nights having a blast meeting and hanging out with various people.

In other to change the results I kept getting (going out alone), I had to try something different -- and eventually, I was able to persevere.

And I want you to do it too.

Do NOT let going out alone stop you from going out. And not having friends to go out with is no longer an excuse. Create a game plan similar to what I did above and try it out.

Like I told someone on Twitter last week, testing is the best thing you can do. If nothing works, then you’re right back where you were when you started. It’s completely harmless.

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