Don’t Should All Over Yourself

Mark Zuckerburg, CEO & Co-Founder of FacebookThis is Week 3 of the 2011 Dating and Lifestyle Kickstart Guide. Tuesdays, we cover lifestyle. Here is week one's lifestyle component. Here is week two.

After a busy weekend with clients, I followed up with feedback, explaining next steps and what they need to focus on. Their reply was VERY familiar. 

“You’re right. I should do that. I know I should take more risks and approach more people. I'll do it next time.” 

And it typically doesn't happen.

It’s funny. I know how much people use the word should based on their lack of using the word, but. Most people who make an attempt to push themselves will admit the problem or make an excuse in hopes of finding or being given a solution.

Others accept their shoulduation and never bother to address the problem, or the solution.

People should on themselves all the time.

I remember hearing this phrase from Tony Robbins in a video I watched almost two years ago. I always watch whatever clips I can get my hands on (thanks, YouTube) and this idea stuck with me, changing the way I communicate people’s true desire to improve themselves, their relationships, and their lifestyle. 

Watch Tony’s TED talk to understand what I’m talking about.

There are those who SHOULD succeed and those who MUST succeed.

I’ll give you a clear cut example. There are people who know they should work out and eat healthily. How many of those people actually do it? The answer:

Those who change their SHOULD into MUST.

When you have to succeed, you will do whatever it takes to get the job done. Nothing will stop you and you refuse to quit. People can make extra money, go on more dates, and live amazing lifestyles, but there needs to be a threat in order for people to change their state.

If a loved one or a family member was deeply sick and needed $2,000 worth of medication - $2,000 you didn’t have - I bet you’d find a way to get that money. That’s because you have to get it. It’s no longer a shoulduation.

Let’s talk about the rich, but more specifically, the New Rich. They are self-made millionaires - some, billionaires - NOT because people gave them opportunities. Not because they have a gift or are geniuses. They just did the one thing VERY few people on this planet can do.

They made the decision that they HAD to be successful and nothing, or no one, was stopping them from doing so, love it or not.

When it comes to your lifestyle, at this point, you have already taken a look at your current situation, set goals, and made adjustments and tweaks for improvement. You’ve already done a lot and you should be proud of that. Here’s what you need to focus on now.

You should still be keeping a log of what you’re changing in your lifestyle, so when you compare one week to another, you can track the changes. 

When you are making changes in your life, you HAVE to track everything. 

If you’ve been doing that, great. Within each adjustment you’ve made, go into detail of what the results have been.

Data doesn't lie.

For example, let’s say you noticed in your Inventory you spend over 10 hours a week surfing the internet and you want to take 7 of those hours and workout instead. Many things are going to change around that one adjustment [when you eat, when you shower, travel (if you’re traveling to the gym), etc.].

What’s also going to change is how you feel. People typically feel amazing after a workout and because of their confident state, end up making better decisions in their lives. So a simple question you can ask yourself is how has working out instead of surfing the internet affected your lifestyle. Track it.

This can be used across any adjustment. Another example would be paying bills. Let’s say you spend about 2 hours a week handling finances. What if there was a way you could automate them? Spending 5 hours that week figuring that out could save you almost 100 hours over the year [thanks, Ramit].

What if you were able to work from home a couple days a week? If your commute is 1 hour each day, that’s 4 hours a week. This time, you save over 200 hours a year.

See how this can add up and give you more time to focus on what’s really important to you? Once you make adjustments, you may have so much time freed up for yourself, you’ll have to make adjustments to FILL the time.

Your action plan this week: Continue to track the adjustments you make and the improvements you see. Always remember, as long as you have your Inventory, the solutions to your problems are right there in front of you. 

This week is all about understanding the process you create for yourself, and making adjustments until it starts to work.

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