Discipline of Dating: Stage 3 -- Figuring Out YOUR System

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Now, it's time to put all the pieces together.Welcome to the Discipline of Dating series. If you haven’t read the introduction and did Stage 1 and Stage 2, read those before you continue.

Remember, this series is meant to give you ALL of the tools necessary to create dramatic results in your dating life.

Only one thing; you have to take action.

If you’ve been working on Stage 2, and modeling the success you’ve seen around you, you’ll be seeing some results already.

And you’re not even done with the process yet.

We are now going to focus on Stage 3 of the Wingman Model.

Stage 3 is all about finding out your own system for dating success. You’re going to implement foundations discovered while modeling others, solidify them then incorporate your DNA (read: personality) into the mix.

If you’re serious about becoming more successful in dating, using this information and taking action is key. The purpose of this whole series is to give you the most comprehensive and effective guide to dating success out there for FREE.

For those of you that looking for something more structured and easier to follow, I’ll have something for you toward the end of the week.

With that said, let’s get into the fundamentals.

1. Fashion & Grooming. The best advice I can give you is if you’re unsure of your fashion sense, see someone about it. In fact, do the very things you did in Stage 1 and relate it ONLY your fashion.

The results you’ll see will be mind-blowing.

If you can’t see someone about it, generally if you focus less on brand names and more on quality, fit and color, you’ll be fine.

Too many times, I’ll hear women say,

“All the guys in NYC wear jeans and a blue button down. It’s so boring...”

Or,

“All the guys either don’t dress well or they wear the same button down and jeans. It’s hard for us to see any of them if they don’t stand out.”

I can tell you most men neglect the fit of what they wear and colors that allow them to stand out from a crowd.

Action Item #1

See a tailor to get your correct measurements. Be sure to measure everything of importance (neck, chest, waist, arms and legs). This is FREE often at department stores that sell suits. These are one of the few things a man NEEDS to know. 

These measurements will allow you to find the perfect shirts, blazers, jeans and pants consistently.

Action Item #2

Look at fashion ads in GQ or other high-end male magazines, create an idea booklet of things you like and search for comparable selections online (depending on your budget).

Personally, I’ve helped clients find the best clothing combinations, simply by paying attention to who they look up to, fashion-wise, figuring out what those “fashion icons” wear and finding someone very similar within their budget.

These two Action Items alone will put you way ahead of other men.

2. Approach. When approaching women, focus on the 3 C’s -- context, confidence and content, in that order.

Context. look at the environment and the situation you’re about to put yourself into. Is she with friends? Is there a theme party going on? Did she drop her jacket? Did she spill her drink? Is there a big game on the TV?

Whatever it is, know what’s going on around you as that will allow you to be relevant in her surroundings and eventually in conversation with her

Confidence. The most effective way to experience confidence -- besides experiencing success first hand -- is by triggering our body to do so. Here are the basic physical things you can do to project confidence to women:

Smiling (a MUST), holding eye contact (even when it feels a little uncomfortable), stand up straight and keeping your head up.

These simple adjustments will ensure when you approach a woman, your body language screams “quality male.”

It may feel weird at first. You may find yourself not being congruent with what you were initially projecting, women catching on and leaving conversation. 

Over time, the more you do it and become comfortable, the more it’ll become congruent, consistent and most importantly, natural.

Content. This what 99% of men worry about and it accounts for less than 10% of success. If you develop your awareness of what’s going on around you and can adjust your body language, you can say almost anything to women.

The thing men need to understand is women rarely remember the first thing you say to them. So while you’re worrying about what to say first, she’s already forgotten about it.

For the naysayers out there, after talking to a woman, ask her what was the first thing you said to them. Unless it was some ridiculous thing, it’s very likely she won’t remember.

Action Item #3

Approach ONE woman a day. She MUST be someone you find attractive. Use the 3 C’s when making your approach and keep a record of each approach in your journal.

As you become comfortable with approaching one, bring it up to 2 women, and so on.

3. Flirting. If you’re attracted a woman and after talking with her for a bit, she’s someone that meets your standards, you can then show her you’re interested.

Women aren’t mind-readers and won’t know you like her unless you tell her. You can say it with your words, but remember, it doesn’t account for much.

Instead, use your body and supplement it with your words.

Years ago, I created an equation for flirting. This was the formula,

Flirting = (teasing + complimenting)^touching

For all of you math buffs out there, the formula is simple. Use your words to compliment and / or tease and amplify it’s effect by touching appropriately.

An example would be saying something like, “You have an awesome personality! Too bad you’re as short as my kid sister or else I’d totally date you,” then say you’re teasing, put your arm around her and give her a hug.

For those who are worried about this being contrived or pre-meditated, believe me when I say it’s not. In fact, it happens ALL the time with the people you know and you don’t even notice it.

These are the types of things you were noticing back when you were watching people who were good at meeting women in Stage 2.

Flirting allows you to create that physical “chemistry” or “spark” you hear women talk about. No matter what anyone says to you, that physical spark is what jumpstarts any relationship. 

Women measure that physical spark more by your personality than your looks so in this perspective, this gives anyone a chance and is why I believe anyone can find at least one person to love them in this world.

There are 6 billion people on this planet, after all.

And to bring it back to the math, if you’re not touching, you’re effectiveness will be minimal, no matter how much complimenting and teasing you do. They all compliment each other and is balanced in conversation.

4. Giving Value. Giving value can mean anything. From offering a connection to help someone be successful to sharing a joke to give people a laugh, your value is what keeps people coming back for more.

It is also dependent on how you live you life, as you discovered in Stage 1.

If you love making people laugh, then that’s what you should be doing in conversation. If you like inspiring people, do that through telling a story. Love connecting people? Share your network.

In the end, every conversation is equally contributed to. When a woman feels like a better person after talking with you, you have a better shot at her wanting to experience that again. And vice-versa.

5. Creating a date through relevance. Men worry about getting the number when in actuality, they are creating an extra step in the process.

Think about it. You want the number because you’d like to date her, right? Why not just ask her out right there? You’ll save time and you already have momentum going that you may lose by waiting a day or two to call her.

How you do it is by listening in conversation. While you two are sharing things about yourselves, eventually you’ll find something you have in common.

Let me revert to my proven example.

If you two are foodies and you know there’s a new restaurant opening this Thursday that you were already planning on checking out, say to her,’

“Hey, there’s this new Thai place opening up this week, I plan on checking it out this Thursday. You should totally come!”

Right there, you’ve created the date, the activity and the time. The more specific the date, the more likely she’ll say yes (assuming you did the first 4 parts correctly).

Then after she says yes, say, “Perfect, let’s exchange numbers and stay in touch,” take out your phone and give it to her.

Getting the phone number is now a logistic because you need it in order to follow up on the date plans.

Boom. Two birds. One stone.

Always take out necessary steps to not only save yourself time but also give yourself less hurdles to jump over.

Action Item #4

When you’re out meeting women, work on going through the whole process as described above and no matter how well you think you’re doing, never leave a conversation without asking her out on a date.

DO NOT ask for the number before you ask her out on a date. Be sure to have something specific in mind, based on what you two have been talking about.

Over time, this simplified process allows you to create YOUR own system for how you can meet, attract and eventually date the women you want.

How often you go out and the amount of women you meet will determine your rate of success. As always, the more quality interactions (focused on implementing this process), the better the results will be.

This is the part of the process where most men will feel stuck or give up if they get bad results. Determine how badly you want this and how it will affect your life moving forward.

Success is NEVER a straight line and you’ll have to go through hell before you come out on the other end a champ. 

Be persistent, patient and focused.

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