Giving and Taking: The Win Philosophy of Relationships

This is a part of a new series that I am doing about the different paradigms of human interaction.

These paradigms are based on Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. So far we have done,

Win/Win
Win/Lose
Lose/Win
Lose/Lose
Win
Win/Win or No Deal

Today we are talking about the Win philosophy.

“People with the Win mentality don’t necessarily want someone else to lose. That’s irrelevant. What matters is that they get what they want.”

This is more of an interesting mentality because it’s easier to use when there isn’t any contest or competition but in relationships, how can this even work?

Well, it’s not really something you see used in relationships because there is always a level of consideration of the other person, whether fully or not at all. Win is more of an independent mentality. As long as I get mine, that’s all that matters. Everyone else can fend for themselves.

Wait, I take that back. There are times when the Win mentality is used in a relationship. As a man, one of your responsibilities is to be able to physically protect your mate and make sure she is safe. If she is in danger, you are going to do whatever it takes to make sure she is safe and secure. There isn’t a win or lose for you and everyone else’s fate doesn’t necessarily matter to you. Your girl is the priority.

Use that example – which is actually a rare but not extreme one – to think about other times when you place yourself and others out of the equation because your girl takes precedence.

Just keep in mind that sacrificing yourself for your girl doesn’t automatically make it just Win. The key difference between Win and Win/Lose is that with Win, you’re not worried about how that win affects others. With Win/Lose, even if it includes you, you ARE worried about how that win affects others (or you).

See the difference? Confused? Ask questions. We’ll wrap up this series tomorrow with the Win/Win or No Deal.

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